Tomorrow's Aurora
by DenizenofTwilight
Summary: "Alice couldn't see me. No one would hear my screams. I wouldn't live. They'd never even find me. And I'd never see him again." Jacob and Renesmee's story Post-Breaking Dawn. COMPLETE.
1. Preface

**Disclaimer: **I will only say this once! I do not own any of the characters in this story, or the Twilight Saga. Nor do I own its creator Stephenie Meyer. I'm just exploring Jacob and Renesmee's future for my own/other fans enjoyment. And honestly if I did own Twilight, do you really think I'd be spending so much time on fanfiction? I think not.

**Preface**

I'd always secretly liked many of the things that came with being a Vampire Hybrid. It was true that being half human gave you some disadvantages compared to full vampires. There were a lot of advantages, though. Being very rare was one thing; there was just something about it. I could easily recall some words spoken by Rosalie after I was born. The words ignited that same good feeling as well: 'She is also the most_ un_spoiled half-vampire in existence, the beauty of being one of a kind_._' At the time we hadn't known that there were others too. Being only half also gave you freedoms full vampires didn't have. I could blend in with humans very easily, and that was very beneficial. My favorite, however, was always that Alice couldn't really see my future. I'd loved the feeling of knowing that. It made me feel like my future could be anything I wanted it to be.

Now I would have traded anything to allow Alice to have full sight over the future. _Alice couldn't see me._ _No one would hear my screams._ And I wished more than anything I were as strong as a full vampire, so I'd have some chance. _I wouldn't live._ _They'd never even find me. And I'd never see _him_ again._


	2. Chapter 1: Read This!

**Read This!**

I tuned my ears as far out as I could. I listened to all the sounds around me, and what I found pleased me. For once I was all alone. I could finally get the reading done I'd been wanting to so badly with no interruptions. There was no point in waiting anymore; I flipped open my old birthday present and starting reading at once. It was such a relief to be able to finally sit down with what I knew would be a good book. The words were already pulling me into a trance, and I absolutely loved it. But somehow the book was moving! Out of my hands. Away from my line of vision! It only took me a moment later to realize why. I obviously had been too into it. His scent should have made me alert much earlier.

"Hey, Jake!" Although I was slightly annoyed at him taking my book from me, I easily let it go. I was always so glad to see him. His sunny personality was so catching.

"Hey, Ness," he replied back, ruffling my curls some. I jokingly shook them at his face in slight irritation. He pretty much ignored it, though; we spent so many years together we were just so used to each other's antics. "So, where is everyone?" The shock in his voice almost matched my own disbelief at having the house to myself. I couldn't help but smile at the trivial fact.

"Carlisle and Esme were invited to a dinner at the hospital." I made a face at that. I hoped for their sake they could find a way to escape eating the human food. And I could even put up with it slightly! It would be worse for them.

"Nessie?" Jacob's voice instantly pulled me out of my thoughts, and allowed me to focus on his question again.

"Sorry for getting distracted." I smiled sheepishly. "Anyway, Jazz and Alice went to visit Peter and Charlotte. Em and Rose went shopping. Rosalie's apparently been inspired by a new fashion fad in Greece and wants to recreate some of it. Naturally, she dragged Emmett along as well." I shook my head somewhat amusedly and somewhat disgusted by the promises I was sure that she had made him to get him to go along with her. I was so very glad that my power was the opposite of my dad's and I didn't have to hear their thoughts. I shuddered.

"And where are Bells and Edward?" Jacob voiced, once again bringing my attention to the matter at hand.

"Mom and Dad are hunting." I answered simply. "And with everyone gone that means I can _finally _read this book!" I said, elated, while skillfully stealing it back from him. I easily found my place and begin to read again when all of a sudden it disappeared from me again.

"Shouldn't you have gone too? You look sort of thirsty, Nessie." He traced the bags under my eyes to prove his point. I halted his hand with my own and couldn't help but smile at his concern.

"I'm fine, Jake, really. I'll just go hunting later. I want to read this book!"

He laughed at my childishness. "It isn't exactly you I'm worried about. I'm more worried for the humans you come across. I would hate to have to take you out," he said jokingly.

"Haha, very funny, now if you don't give me my book back I'll drink _your_ blood," I joked back. With a slight chuckle he handed it back to me. However what happened next I really should have seen coming by now.

"Wait, wait, wait!" he exclaimed pulling the book out of my hands _again_, and eyeing the book intensely. "Didn't Leah get you this for your birthday?" he asked, bewildered.

I nodded, not really sure what to say to his question. It had shocked me too when Leah had given me it. I'd never been her favorite person in the world. So any sign that things could better between us… I'd grasp at it immensely. Part of me, however, couldn't help but wonder if she bought it for me because she thought I was evil like Anne Boleyn.

Jacob distracted my somewhat sad thoughts just by saying, "Huh." He then shook his head, ridding himself at whatever he was thinking. I somewhat wondered if our thoughts were on the same wavelength right now. "Don't understand why either of you would want to read about that tragic part of history."

I couldn't help but laugh at the reason that had sparked my interest again. This did not go unnoticed by him. He eyed me expectantly.

I'd learned from the past it was useless to try to get Jake to let things go. He'd just pester you until you'd reveal everything just to rid yourself of his never-ending questions. Deciding to save us both some time, I thought it best to just tell him. "I had to do a report on Anne Boleyn for a project in my Lit class. I worked _really_ hard on it. And I think I did an amazing job. Not to sound self-absorbed, that is. Anyway, I ended up showing it to my dad… apparently it was too good for a "normal" high school sophomore to have written it. So, I then spent next few hours trying to dumb it down. The whole fiasco just inspired me to read this." My and Jake's laugh at this was synchronized. However, my laughs ended abruptly whereas I was starting to worry at his hysterics.

"Wow, I always knew you were smart, Nessie… wow, good old Dad!" His words were no longer coherent.

I rolled my eyes at his attitude. After a little while he calmed down. It was only then that I stupidly realized that I could have been reading while he was having his laughing fit. Despite Jake's words, I couldn't help but feel that I was a huge idiot.

"That must have been torture for you to do, Ness. It probably didn't help that textbooks are intentionally made to bore you. Part of the reason I hate school so much."

I highly doubted they were intentionally made to be uninteresting… but it sure seemed that way sometimes. I nodded my head in agreement to what he had said.

"How can you even stand to look at any more stuff about her after that!?"

I couldn't help but laugh at the expression on his face. "Simple. This _is_ actually good."

Jacob shrugged at my comment; I knew him well enough to know that the gesture meant he didn't agree with me, but didn't want to offend me either.

"Ness, let me rephrase that. I _want_ you to be tired of it." His words somewhat took me off guard and I instantly became wary of what he would say next… but he didn't say _anything._ It _must_ have been bad if he needed coaxing.

"_Why?_" The way I said it sounded strange even to me, and I knew by his laugh that it had to him as well. At least it seemed to have relaxed him slightly, though. His next words confirmed my thoughts…

"It's just that I think we should go and visit La Push. I mean everyone's _gone_; when does that _ever_ happen? It feels like forever since I've been there, and it really has been since you were there last. Billy's been bugging me about seeing you, and I bet the pack misses you some too. We could do cliff diving, motorcycle riding, watch horror mov-" His words were cut short by the look on my face and I instantly felt bad for raining on his parade. "What is it, Nessie?" he asked, concern leaking into his voice.

"I don't know if that's the best idea, Jake. I don't know how far away my dad and mom went hunting. If they're still close and can hear our thoughts they'll come back before we even make it halfway to La Push and stop us."

Jacob sighed once, contemplating, and once again I felt a huge wave of guilt. "Your dad is _way_ too overprotective of you. Humans do this stuff all the time and you're more durable than them. Anyway, I think I could take Edward…"

I ignored the joke, for there was something more at stake here. "I think the problem is it reminds him of how close he came to losing Mom when she was doing stuff like that. It makes him a little berserk. I think we should just forget it; besides, I want to read this." I once again turned my attention back to my book. I should have known that my reasoning wouldn't stop Jacob.

"Come _on_, Nessie! I know you _want_ to go. I can _read_ it on your face. This might be our only chance. P-L-E-A-S-E!"

I groaned in frustration; did he have to make _everything_ so difficult? But then again, I did miss hearing about the latest scandal in the pack, and the beautiful sights of La Push. Alright, so I missed it in general! Jacob noticed the crack in my armor like only he would.

"I know that you want to go." He said it again, but this time conviction rang in every word. And neither of us could deny that he was right when he pressed my palm against his face. And I knew what he was seeing: memories of me and the pack, us chilling in Jacob's garage, me smiling happily while talking with Billy. It was where I wanted to be. I placed my other hand atop the one he had on mine that was resting on his cheek as the images assaulted us both. After a few moments he removed our hands from his face and laughed a little at me. I glared in response, but it instantly melted off my face.

"I told you that you wanted to go, Nessie. I know you better than you do."

And I couldn't deny that it was true in so many ways. It was the same as how I knew him better than anyone else. Even more than my mom had. "You were right." I smiled at him.

"Haha, I always am!" he replied to me smugly, and with that the book he'd somehow stolen away from me when I wasn't paying attention fell to the ground. And I was appalled! For his sake I hoped that nothing was ruined. It didn't appear to be… but I growled at him in anger anyway.

"Ooh, scary!" He laughed, and I joined in too; his laugh was just so addicting! Just like his smile.

"Hey!" He stopped laughing suddenly. "This is great; now you can tell Leah that you're reading the book that she got you!"

I frowned at the thought, if anything it would make her angry. "Jacob… she got me that book a year ago. She won't be happy that I just started it. I should probably try to avoid her today…" I trailed off.

Jacob frowned slightly at my words. "I don't know how that will work, Nessie; she'll be able to smell you." He spoke this sadly and it was so out of character for him. But before I could worry too much he was joking again. "But don't worry, I'll protect you from her."

I nodded in agreement. Although I really doubted that Leah would give us any trouble… at this point nothing would keep me from going to La Push.

"Well, let's go!" Jacob exclaimed, and although he was the one that had spoke of hurrying to La Push… _I_ was the first one to run to the garage and hop on my bike. And _The Other Boleyn Girl_ was officially left behind.

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When we arrived in La Push we were instantly greeted with smiles from the wolves and their mates coming to greet us. They'd no doubt already picked up our scents. The boys were ecstatic to see their brother and leader of sorts again. And they seemed just as excited to see me here.

"Hey, vamp-wolf girl!" I heard Embry call to me.

I couldn't help but smile at the nickname. I may have been half vampire but I _loved _to hang out with the werewolves. Well, technically they were really shape shifters. As I was pondering this thought, we'd all finished our greetings and before I knew it, Jacob was leading me away to Billy's house. I smiled delightedly at the thought. He was such a sweet man, and I always seemed to make his day when I visited him. And when we did enter his house I couldn't help but feel that I was indeed right.

"Jacob!" he hollered first, before pulling his son into an embrace. And as soon as he saw me I was in his arms too. "It's good to see you, Nessie! Edward and Bella finally set you free, did they?"

His strong hold on me was making it hard to breathe, but somehow I still managed to inhale enough air to speak. "Actually, I snuck out!" A strange glee came from the thought; it was sort of shocking that I had indeed gotten away with it.

"I'm glad you're here, Nessie, but you really shouldn't deceive your parents that way..." I knew him well enough to know he was actually glad that I had.

"Don't worry; I'll never do it again," I said whilst winking at him. Billy laughed at my antics, and Jacob joined in too. And once again I felt like a spell was on me or something because I laughed as well. After a few minutes we'd _finally_ all calmed down.

"So, what are you kids going to do today?" Billy asked us curiously.

I shrugged, not really knowing. Thankfully Jacob took up the initiative.

"Hmmm… I'm not really sure. Whatever Nessie feels like doing."

Ugh. I didn't know, either. This was suddenly becoming difficult.

"Well, do you feel like going to the beach? It is a nice day out…but if you don't want to we can find something else to do." I spoke somewhat shyly.

I noticed that Jacob rolled his eyes, and my first instinct told me he _did _hate my idea. I was about to say I was joking and escape some of this torture when he spoke. "You are _so _much like Bella sometimes, Nessie. You both are way too selfless and self-conscious." He shook his head as if doing so would clear it of some of his current thoughts. "Anyway, the beach sounds nice; let's go before it gets too dark out."

I smiled, knowing the sun was only a little ways away. Since we lived with a house full of vampires the sun was hard to come by since they all sparkled in the sunlight… we usually lived in dreary cities. I was instantly glad that my sparkle was pretty much unnoticeable so I could enjoy its presence every now and again. I bet Jacob had missed it too.

Jacob smiled at seeing the serene look on my face and I knew our thoughts were one in the same again. "It _has_ been a long time, hasn't it?"

Billy smiled at our exchange and soon gave us leave with a, "You kids have fun." With that I pretty much skipped out the door. Jacob was soon following suit as well as chuckling behind me.

When we reached the beach, Jacob instantly put his hand in my own and I felt a blush fill my cheeks at my friend's action. "You know, this feels nice. I'd almost forgotten what it felt like to touch someone my own temperature. Everyone else always seems so cold to me."

I tightened my fingers around his hand in response to his words. I felt exactly the same. At least we felt normal to each other. _Normal. _What was normal? I knew I would never be able to be considered that. But at least with Jacob I could sort of pretend. We were both halves of two things. He was the only one that could truly make me feel not too much like a freak. And I knew that it was the same for him as well. We walked a little more and Jacob's laugh instantly filled the air. I looked over at him, stunned. What could be so funny to him when my thoughts had turned so melancholy? I didn't have to wait long for an answer.

"This is the exact place that I first unknowingly told Bella that Edward was a vampire. It's amazing how fast time can pass. Even to those of us who are immortal. I wonder if I'd never revealed this news to Bella if they might have never ended up together. You might not have even been born!" He laughed and I rolled my eyes at the same time.

"If you want me to thank you for my life I'm not going to." I laughed at him. His face turned hurt and the all too well known guilt returned to me. "I didn't mean it, Jake! You really didn't want me to thank you, did you?" He was instantly laughing again and I scowled.

"No, I didn't. I just wanted to see your reaction." He could be _so_ annoying!

And soon I found myself subconsciously walking faster than him, and he had to run a little to catch up with me. "Stop being a child! There are more important things to discuss here."

"Such as…" he coaxed.

I sighed, not really wanting to talk about this, but knowing we had to. "I noticed when you talked about Leah earlier you were a little uncomfortable. Now keep in mind part of the reason I came here was to hear some of the pack gossip. And I don't want to feel like you're going back on your deal… so tell me why." I said this part seriously and part jokingly.

"You _are_ perceptive, Nessie. Okay, the truth is Leah imprinted on someone… let's just say it's caused some drama in the pack."

I nodded at what he said. It wasn't exactly what I'd expected… but I was still satisfied.

"It's starting to get dark do you want to go back?"

"Sure," was all I said as I once again said my goodbyes to the sun.

Jacob, once again tuned into me it seemed, noticed my discomfort and tried to make me feel better. "You know another part of the deal was horror movies. And I don't want to break our deal… what do you say we head back and watch some?"

I smiled at him and we both continued to walk hand-in-hand toward the really not scary marathon waiting for us. Watch many of them we did, but through part of the second one I started to realize that I was quite tired. Living in a house with mostly people that didn't sleep and when you had super sensitive hearing… it made it hard for the people who _did_ need sleep to get some shut-eye. In my half awake state I barely registered Jake picking me up to take us home. Still, my heart sped up and I knew we could both hear it. And as Billy said goodbye to us both quietly I _knew _that this place is where I'd always want to be. It was my last thought before the darkness overtook me.

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**Author's Note:** Well there's Chapter 1! I hope you all enjoyed it. This chapter was a little slow and I'm sorry for that. I just really wanted to get across what Jacob and Nessie's relationship right now is. They're only best friends for the time being. I'm going to stay as true to Stephenie's vision as possible… however one difference is in my story Nessie doesn't yet know that Jacob imprinted on her. I'm not even 100% certain she did know in Breaking Dawn. I hope that doesn't bother anyone. The next chapter will have the rest of the Cullens in it and explain more of what happened between Breaking Dawn and this story. Anyway, I'll try to get at least one chapter updated every week but I can't promise anything. Anyway I hope you all enjoy my first Twilight story. (As well as my first full length one.) Also one thing you might be curious about is something in the Preface, I know Nessie was technically asleep when Rose said those words... but we musn't forget Nessie's really smart. She might have heard somehow. Anyway please tell me what you think. ^^ And a million hugs go to my amazing beta Qwi-Xux she is amazing! Check out some of her stories. None of this would be possible without her. Well, "see" you all next chapter. May the light guide you;)


	3. Chapter 2: Sour

**Sour**

"Josh Ugondey, as well as his "friends," are going to look over here in a minute. Try to look normal." At Alice's words, we all simultaneously picked up a piece of food, pretending to eat it.

There were definitely drawbacks to being of the vampire species. I reluctantly took a bite of the apple on my tray; it'd been sitting there so long you'd think it was a work of art. It wasn't _entirely _repulsive. My mom had once said I seemed to regard all human food the way most children regarded vegetables. Still, I'd rather take down a mountain lion any day. I could almost taste the blood on my lips. Jacob had been right. I _definitely_ needed to hunt.

Jacob chuckled at the look on my face. "Bet you wish you would have gone hunting, right, Nessie?"

I couldn't help but glare at Jacob, seeing how he could fully appreciate his cupcake. It just was not fair.

"Has he looked yet, Alice?" I heard my mother speak. I instantly felt sympathetic towards her. She'd only become a vampire around six and a half years ago. She wasn't exactly the greatest at forcing down human food yet. And with that I felt bad for all of my vampire family; I couldn't even fathom human food being more disgusting to anyone else than it was for me, but to them it was.

"No, he'll look over in about fifteen seconds." Alice's wind chime voice assured her.

"Don't even _think_ about it, Emmett!" My father's shrill voice rang in my ears painfully. And despite the clatter, and despite the other students didn't have hearing like ours… I couldn't help but wonder if it had hurt their ears too. Mine seemed to be ringing. But then it seemed I was the only one it'd bothered. Maybe it was a human weakness I'd inherited. I was slightly irritated and glad at the possibility. Fortunately no one outside of the family had seemed to hear what they weren't intended to.

"_What?_ You _said_ act normal, Eddie." Emmett laughed, hoping to find a way around his brother's logic.

"That does _not_ qualify as normal, Emmett." His words were quieter this time, but there seemed to be more intensity to them. "And don't call me 'Eddie', M&M," he added in an irritated tone. I noticed Mom couldn't help but snicker a little at both her husband's and brother's disgust at the nicknames.

"Alice? What is it?" My attention was instantly drawn towards Jasper, who was eyeing Alice in a protective manner and I instantly realized she was having a vision. Jasper always seemed to become somewhat anxious when his wife had her visions, like he wanted to help her carry some of her burden. They didn't express their love as explicitly as others, but these gestures showed so much more. They were indeed a perfect match.

In one short moment Alice had snapped out of it and remained calm shortly, but then… a look of over exaggerated horror seemed to grace her features. "Edward is right; don't you _dare_ think about it, Emmett Cullen! These are _designer_ clothes!"

"_What_ is he planning?" Rosalie asked, getting somewhat annoyed. I could somewhat empathize with her feelings. I too was starting to get a little irritated at being left in the dark.

"He was planning on having a food fight." Both Alice and my father said at the same time. I smiled; it was no wonder they were best friends.

"Ugh. It's like déjà vu!" Rosalie exclaimed, and I knew that her husband's previous antics were no doubt adding to her dismay. When Rosalie was irritated, it was best to try to keep anything else from angering her.

I smiled at her sympathetically and her mood seemed to lighten some. We'd been best friends for a long time. Since she had taken care of me quite a lot as a baby, we'd spent much time together. It might have been smug to think so… but in a way I felt that I knew a side of Rosalie that no one else did. Not even Emmett. She mouthed a 'thank you' to me and my smile seemed to grow in response.

"So, what happened last time?" Jacob asked, truly curious.

My father shrugged slightly before answering, "Let's just say last time involved snow… and we'll leave it at that."

Jacob nodded and a big grin seemed to lighten up his face. I _knew _that he was trying to imagine it now. And I also knew he'd be sort of angry at the somewhat lacking info my father had given him… but also happy at the freedom that it in turn had given his imaginings. I'd bet my fabulous car that what he was envisioning in his head was a lot more vicious than what had really happened.

"Actually… this whole day _does_ have a sense of déjà vu to it. The last time something like this happened was with you, Bella. We were trying to seem normal when you'd look at us. And it was that day that Emmett decided to use the snow as a 'normalcy tool.'"

My mom seemed to think about this new bit of information. Her face had become one that showed reflecting. "It was the first day we talked, wasn't it?"

My father seemed to a double take. "Despite the fact that you've allowed me to see into your mind, love, you still seem to elude me. How did you know that?"

I knew that if my mom could blush she'd be bright red at the moment. "Well," her words came out somewhat strained. "That was the one day I really wasn't looking over at you. And I didn't remember the snow thing… so you know… process of elimination…" And then my parents were talking to each other so quietly that _I _couldn't even hear them and that was _really _saying something.

In that moment I looked around me and was somewhat (though I really shouldn't have been) shocked to see all of the individual couples involved in their own moments.

I instantly felt somewhat uncomfortable, glancing at Jacob from the corner of my eye… I noticed that he was somewhat uncomfortable as well. "So, I was thinking…" he began to say, "It's a good thing that you and I are part of this coven now, Nessie. I mean I bet a lot of people were suspicious when all of the Cullens had such pale skin. Plus the fact that we can blend in better with humans is quite beneficial. I was thinking we should try that… we should go try and engage with Josh Ugondey and his friends or something. It might help. Lord knows _these _love birds aren't good at blending in. But we can try."

I was somewhat taken back by Jake's words. I didn't know if he was just trying to get out of the awkward lovey-dovey scene we were all in now, or if he was just trying to demonstrate how important his role was in this coven, or if he was serious.

And I was slightly embarrassed. I felt a blush flood my cheeks. Josh Ugondey was the most popular guy in this school. He was also the cutest (if you didn't count my family) boy in the school. Although I knew it was stupid to think this way… I couldn't help my crush on him. And I _did_ want him to like me. I also wanted to be popular. I wasn't normal, though, and those thoughts were too dangerous. I would have to leave this place eventually. It was best to keep my distance. Besides, it'd be dangerous for _him _to be around a Hybrid. After hearing some of my parents' story, I _really _didn't want some of that tragic romance stuff to happen to me.

Jacob snapped his fingers in front of my face and I was instantly brought back to reality. Jacob laughed some at my distractedness. I smiled embarrassedly. Where the heck had those thoughts come from? "So, Nessie do you want to go over there?"

My father answered before I could embarrass myself further. "I don't know if that's the best idea, you two; it could be painful emotionally for you two _or _them if you get close and have to leave. And Nessie, I don't mean to reprimand you, but you aren't as practiced as us. You're thirsty, sweetheart; you might not be able to control yourself. And Jake, I know it's never happened before but there always is a slight chance you might phase if you get angry for some reason and hurt someone."

His thoughts had echoed all of my previous ones. He was right. So painfully right. But it was strange; there seemed to be some voice in my head coaxing me forward anyway.

"No, I _want_ to try. Jacob's right; it could very well help our cover. And I am half-vampire but I'm also half-human! I don't want to look back and regret embracing my vampire side so wholly but never trying to see what it was like to be human. I know I'll never be _normal_, but just for once I want to try."

My father seemed to be ready to object, but it was Mom who spoke first. "I think she's right, Edward; I want her to know what being human means. It's one thing to be told but she _should_ experience it too. She is half-human after all."

And at her words before I knew it, Jacob was leading me to the table across from us. After their human ears heard us coming, they stared, mouths agape. I didn't have to be the mind reader to know that it was Jacob that had caused such a reaction. That was one thing that was very understandable in this otherwise hard to understand life.

Jacob appeared to be in his twenties; it'd be frightening for any high school human to have him in such close proximity. It had _not_ been easy to get him to be able to go to school with us.

We'd stayed in Forks for roughly six years after my birth, staying as low on the radar as possible. My mom had wanted to stay around Grandpa Charlie for as long as she could. No one who really wanted to miss anything with me because I was growing so rapidly had tried to stay home. After those six years, Nahuel had proved to have been right. I had seemed to stop aging at that time and I appeared to be around sixteen years old. Intellectually, though, everyone said I seemed older than that. Reluctantly, half a year after my sixth birthday, we moved to Seattle (hoping to remain inconspicuous, but also close enough to be able to visit and receive visits from Grandpa Charlie, and the wolves and stuff). After our move we all had enrolled in this high school.

It was not an easy process; the story was much more complicated now. My father and I went by his human last name, Masen, and we pretended to be twins (we looked too much alike not to be.) Rosalie and Jasper still pretended to be twins as well, under Rosalie's human last name, Hale. And my mother, Emmett, and Alice were the Cullens. And Jacob was on his own in a way. He didn't have any "biological siblings" and his last name was his real one: Black. We'd had to lie and tell the administration that Jacob had had a genetic disorder that made him appear to be a lot older than he was. It was amazing to me that the humans actually bought this stuff.

"So, we were wondering if we could maybe sit with you guys. We're sort of on the outs with our family." Jacob's words once again seemed to be an anchor. An anchor that brought me back to the present. I couldn't believe I'd missed most of his earlier persuading.

"Sure, you can, Jacob. But she can't. This is a freak free zone."

Despite the fact that I could think many things at once… it took a minute for the words to sink in. And only a moment for the full pain to hit at Kelly's words.

"Oh, okay." Being a member of the Cullen Coven I'd become quite a skillful liar. Still, I had no doubt this girl could see right though me right now. I was so much stronger, faster, and smarter than all of them; why did it feel like they could destroy me so entirely? Nothing was as painful as high school. I knew that now.

Taking a deep breath too quiet for the humans to hear, I quickly regained my composure. Well, just because I couldn't help this mission, it shouldn't be allowed to stop Jacob. Holding onto the thought like a life preserver, I started to walk back to my family's table. Even across the cafeteria I could see a look of sympathy on all their faces. Jasper looked like he might kill someone at my feelings of discomfort. I quickly opted to try to bottle up my feelings, but then I felt a different type of feeling. Jacob was following beside me. This is not what I'd intended. I was about to tell him to go back when Josh's voice took us both off guard. "She's more than welcome to sit here. Please ignore Kelly."

I couldn't even find the words to articulate my emotions; had the most popular guy in school just stood up for me!?

Jacob's snarl reached the discussion before I could even dream of it. "I don't think so; if your fiends can't accept Ness… well then… we can't accept any of you. Come on, Nessie." And with that Jacob was dragging me off again. And although it was so irrational of me… I was _so_ mad at him! He'd just ruined everything!

The rest of the day went by slowly. It didn't help my now sour mood.

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As soon as I got home, nothing seemed to be able to stand up to my strength. I slammed the door open, in turn breaking the door off of its hinges. And when I walked over to the piano my fingers began to slam on the keys before I suddenly found myself sitting on the couch by my father.

"Nessie, I really don't think now is the best time for you to practice… Carlisle and Esme won't be happy if they hear it break, seeing as how it's new…"

As if I needed anything else to annoy me at the moment! I ran up the stairs to my room faster than I ever had before. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw both my father and Jake (usually, my two favorite men in the world) trying to come to me. However, my mom was keeping them at bay, and I couldn't have been gladder.

Jacob knew I was crying before I'd even registered it myself. It really made no sense for me to be doing so… but how I felt at the moment… it made it seem like it was the only thing I should be doing.

"Ness, I'm really sorry, hon. Please! Just come out and we can talk about it."

"O-o-kay." My voice was shaky due to my tears. Fortunately, I felt like he'd heard me. I hadn't entirely forgiven him, (although I knew I shouldn't have been mad of him at all) but I couldn't stand to have a rift between us for some reason. Although, I couldn't figure out the exact reasons for being so opposed to the idea.

"On second thought, I think I'll wait. Nessie, please don't forgive me just because I want you to. I'd much rather you never forgive me if you feel that's what you need." He knew me so well in a way. I cared about others a lot. Still, I didn't think I regarded myself as lowly as he seemed to think I did. At that thought, I remembered someone as well that put other people's needs first, and I felt criminal for not thinking about him lately. For once having no doubt in my actions, I called Charlie.

It took him awhile to pick of the phone. I supposed I'd grown impatient living in a house with a mind reader and a psychic. I was actually sort of shocked when he did pick up. I was starting to think he wouldn't because it'd seemed to ring so long. But… I rationalized; truthfully it had only been about four rings.

"Hello?" he asked in a seemingly good mood. The words seemed to elude me, as well as my voice. "Hello?" he asked again.

"H-i." What was with my voice today!?

"Nessie, is that you?"

"Yeah!" I practically shrieked into the phone, almost dropping it too at the shock of doing so.

"Are you okay? You sound sort of strange."

"I'm fine, Grandpa. I promise." Ugh. Maybe I wasn't as great at lying as I thought.

"Doesn't sound like it. Don't tell me those kids at school are being sour towards you. Do you want me to put on my police badge and come down there?" He was _so_ smart! I vaguely wondered what sort of power he might have had if he was a vampire.

"No, no, it's fine. Anyway, how are you? I hope I'm not interrupting anything."

There was a pause on the other end of the line and I vaguely wondered if he didn't believe my reassurances. Regardless, he let it go. "No, you're not interrupting anything. Sue and I were just getting ready to watch the game. Your Grandmother says 'hi.'"

I smiled at the mention of Sue. I was so glad Charlie had found someone like her. Someone that could help him when he was tossed into the supernatural sometimes; they were truly great together. "Tell her I said hello too. So, who do you think will win?"

At that he seemed to give me a run-down of stats, and what was happening in the game. It was the greatest thing that had happened to me in awhile. It was so great to be able to talk to someone who knew just enough, and not too much. He was another person who could allow me to act somewhat normal. And all too soon for my taste the conversation was over, but I couldn't tear the smile off my face just at looking at the phone. Eventually my eyes seemed to become blurry. I _had _been crying quite a lot, and it seemed it had worn me out.

Before I knew it, reality and my dream seemed to be blending together. I wasn't aware if what I saw next was something my conscious was doing… or my subconscious. But I saw Josh.

And I couldn't eliminate a sense of defensiveness that seemed to overtake me. Something was _not_ right. And then a realization seemed to dawn on me. Alice's vision about Josh looking over had never come true.

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**Author's Note: **Well, I updated much sooner than I thought that I would. Hope you all enjoyed that. Anyway, don't feel nervous to drop a review and some theories around. For the plotline is starting to deepen. Once again thanks majorly to Qwi-Xux. By the way Happy Easter!!! May the light guide you all;)


	4. Chapter 3: 4, 33, 29

**4, 33, 29…**

"Well, if it isn't the beautiful Renesmee? It's been awhile since we talked last. What can I do for you?"

I smiled; it had been too long since I had last spoken to Nahuel. I knew he got lonely sometimes. I could empathize entirely in a way. For he filled my heart up in a way no one else ever could. For we were the same species, and to my knowledge besides the two of us… there were only three others of my species in existence: Nahuel's three half-sisters. He really had no contact with them, though, for they regarded humans as unneeded (except for food) space takers on this Earth. I made a mental note to call Nahuel more often.

"Nothing, really. I just called to see how you were. Anything new happening around the world?" If anyone would know, I highly suspected it would be him. He was even older than my father. And like most of the vampire species, he moved around a lot. I wondered vaguely what it would feel like to be so free.

"Not much, young one. Just trying to learn more about our kind. I am curious, however, at your progress. Have you been practicing your skills at all? How strong have you become in comparison to a full vampire?"

"I've been practicing some. But, I've been a little busy of late. Trying to keep up appearances and that sort of thing," I lied smoothly.

He chuckled once before he spoke. "You're not a very good liar, Nessie." Maybe I hadn't lied as smoothly as I'd thought… "Well, tell me this… have you been practicing your power lately? Can you allow people to read your mind without touching them?"

I gasped slightly at his words. "I could do that!?"

There was laughter on the other side of the line before I received my answer. "Nessie, I'm most certain you can. I've been trying for many years to be able to break the strength and power gap that keeps us from being equals with full vampires. As a result, I've learned a few tricks or two about powers. Any person part vampire that happens to have powers can somewhat alter them. It's really a matter of how you look at things…"

I listened to his words intently; I'd never heard anyone speak of this before. Not even my "uncle" Eleazar, or Carlisle who had both once been a part of the Volturi. If anyone knew that you could learn to alter your powers… I'd assumed that it would be the Volturi. But if Nahuel really had for years been investigating this, then maybe he had found something no one else had. I was about to press for more info when I heard my mother's voice from downstairs. "Renesmee, are you ready yet, sweetie? We'll have to leave for school in an hour."

I sighed slightly, which earned me a laugh from Nahuel. "We'll finish this conversation later. Go get ready for school, Nessie." Ugh. It was so unfair that we were really the only vampires that bothered with school. Yes, I would look forward to the rest of this conversation. "Have a good day, Renesmee."

I nodded in response to his words, almost forgetting that he couldn't see me. "Bye, Nahuel." And with that I reluctantly hung up the phone and got dressed.

I looked at my right wrist as I walked out my bedroom door. The act only made me laugh at myself as I stared at my version of our family crest, which dangled on my charm bracelet. Right next to a dog tag charm Jacob had given me as a gag gift one April Fool's. It had his name on it.

Looking at my _other_ wrist, I found what I was looking for: my watch. And I was slightly shocked when I saw what time it was. It was later than I thought. I would have to hurry some. In my rush, I almost walked right past Jacob, who was waiting for me by the stairs.

"So, that was Nahuel, right?" His tone sounded sort of strange at the words, and I couldn't figure out what was making my Jacob seem so…sad. That was not right. Something had to be done to fix it.

"Yeah! I learned some cool things from him, I so can't wait to learn more!" I was already feeling optimistic, but I was trying to act even more so to cheer Jacob up. Which in the end just made me sound like what I guessed an overly perky Alice would sound like if she'd just drank six coffees. (If caffeine could affect us, that is.)

"Ness, you're not still upset with… me… are you?" he looked like a child confessing to something that they thought was as bad as murder, when really it was something so simple like spilling a glass of milk (or in most _our_ cases, blood).

"Oh, God, Jake! Of course I'm not! I don't know _what_ that was yesterday."

"Drat, I guess I'll have to try a different approach then…" And he was instantly the Jake I knew and loved. But his words were strange to me. I resolved to find why.

"A different approach for what?" I tried to sound suspicious, but I highly doubted my grin was doing the attempt any good.

"Well, I have a surprise planned for us tonight. And I was going to use it as a tool for you to forgive me… but now I'm afraid you're going to have to pay for this oh-so-wonderful-ticket if you want to go."

"Pay for it in what way, Jake?" I asked patiently.

"How does a life of servitude sound?" He laughed, and I did too, remembering the childish games we used to play like this.

"Well, seeing as how I don't know what the ticket's for, I don't know… but I trust you immensely, good sir, so… deal!" After the words had left my mouth, we both laughed a little at our childish behavior.

So we headed off to school, still laughing now and then at the trivial thought. And I tried to guess what the tickets were for the entire way.

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4, 33, 29… I could have entered the easy combination to my locker in less than half of a second. It seemed almost ridiculous, and funny that we had to slow even things like this down to blend in with the humans. I smiled at Jacob, whose locker was beside my own. I could tell we were thinking the same thing. I was just about to rest my palm on his cheek to show him my thoughts on the matter when something else caught my attention first. I quickly scanned everywhere in front of my vision searching for danger. Something had triggered my vampire self-defense senses. And in one moment I smelled a new scent, and turned around to face the threat. I was actually surprised that I kept my growl locked in, but was I ever glad that I had.

"Hi, there, Renesmee. Jacob." I couldn't believe that Josh Ugondey had just approached me.

"Hi," I said awkwardly, while I mentally kicked myself. I would never be popular if I didn't watch myself. I'd scare them all away.

"So, I'd like to apologize again for Kelly yesterday. Rest assured, I talked to her. And you're…both welcome to join us for lunch."

I quickly looked back at Jacob to see if his amazement seemed to match mine. What I saw shocked me. To human eyes this never would have been seen, but to my keen eyes, I could see Jacob trying to control a violent shaking ripping throughout his body. That only meant one thing; something had angered him enough that his body was trying to change into a wolf.

"Well, I'll see you later then. Renesmee. Jacob." He greeted us farewell.

I could barely find my voice, due to my concern for Jake. "You can call me Nessie," I called lamely. And then he was gone.

My eyes instantly fell on Jacob, and for one brief moment I so desperately wished that I could read minds. At that, I was reminded of Nahuel's words and briefly wondered if I _might_ be able to someday…but I thought it best to save that thought for later.

"Jake, what is it? What's wrong?" I instantly tried to find something amiss again. Josh wasn't dangerous… so what could have given me such an ominous feeling?

"Did you… did you feel something just now, Nessie? Something dangerous?" I tried to hear his words in a clinical point of view. I was too afraid to let their meaning sink in. Jake's words… they truly mirrored the way I'd felt.

"Yes." I looked down at my feet as soon as I'd spoke the word; I was too scared to see his expression.

"I thought so… we probably shouldn't engage with him anymore. Not until we tell the others. Something about him doesn't sit right with me. Did you notice that Alice's vision didn't come true, yesterday?"

I nodded, not really knowing how I felt at all this. "I think we _should _investigate him, Jacob. If we both know there's something weird about him…" For once my lie seemed to have the intended effect. I almost believed myself. What I _couldn't_ believe was why I really couldn't leave Josh alone; I couldn't believe how much I wanted to see him.

"Is that what you want then?" There was a sound of defeat that echoed in his voice; there was something else there, though, too. But before I could truly ascertain what it was the bell had rung. "Nessie, do what you need to do. But don't put a restraining order on me if you see me paying more attention to you than usual."

And pay attention he did, throughout the rest of my classes. The first few when I'd met his gaze made me want to pay attention to my "smart" teachers more than ever. He was so angry, and I felt guilty. So very guilty… at putting him through this strain, the strain of trying to watch out for me while I endangered myself for my own _selfish_ reasons. I was irrevocably glad when lunch rolled around, so I could escape his truth serum eyes.

I had gone to sit beside Terra, when to my shock Josh had asked me to sit right beside him. I tried my best to play my part, but every now and then my eyes would wander to the table on the other side of me, to my best friend who I'd abandoned to make his own way sitting with the couples. Jake had thought it best to stay slightly away from Josh, for him exploding into a wolf wouldn't help anything.

"Your friend is sort of weird."

I smiled slightly at Josh's words. Not at all for their meaning…but merely because the words were directed at me. "He has a lot on his plate right now." And I wouldn't have been able to hide the sad note in my voice even if the Cullen family fortune had been on the line.

"So, Nessie… you and your brother were orphans right? Before the Cullens adopted you?"

It was times like this when I wished I had practiced telling "my story" a little more instead of worrying about inconsequential things like who was officially older mentally, Jake or me. "I don't like talking about my past all that much, I'm sorry. But, can we please talk about something else?"

He laughed a little; it had not been what I'd expected. "That's funny, Edward seems to have no trouble talking about it at all. And the rest of your family's story for that matter."

"He's always been strong like that, as well as Bella. They're perfect for each other. Especially after all they've been through." _I love you, daddy, mommy,_ I thought, knowing that my father would be listening.

"He seems protective of you. They _all_ do, really."

I rolled my eyes a little at the thought. "They would feel that way; I'm the youngest." He eyed me crucially at my words and it was only then that I noticed my mistake.

"Edward was born three minutes before me. He's never gotten over being the 'older brother.'" I quickly read his expression before he could notice and mentally breathed a sigh of relief. He'd believed me!

"Jacob seems _very_ protective of you."

The way he said the words was like an insult. But what I said next was as if his words had been a compliment. "Jake's my very best friend. He's helped me through so much." I briefly remembered right after I'd been born and we thought the Volturi would kill us all… how my mom had arranged it so the two of us could escape under false names. I nearly shrieked in response at thinking of our "rulers." And their sense of "justice." However, it was someone else's gasp that surprised me.

"Terra, you pretty much took your arm off with that _fork_! Oh my gosh, oh my gosh!"

I momentarily became a different person at the sight and smell of Terra's blood came to me. She smelled so delicious! And it'd been so long since I'd hunted (what was wrong with me?)… My throat seemed to be on fire. _No, Nessie, don't you dare hurt Terra! She's nice to you. If Jasper can control his thirst so can you, _I thought to myself as I stopped breathing for a moment.

"I'm _fine,_ Kelly. I'll just go to the nurse really fast. You'd think that a vampire from a horror movie was near the way you reacted."

I didn't really have time to even think about the humor of Terra's words. I was counting the seconds until she was out of the cafeteria and I could think rationally again.

"Aren't you going to eat anything, Renesmee? Starvation isn't the best way to lose weight."

"Huh?" I asked, somewhat bewildered, but mostly happy the air was safe to breathe again.

"Your food; you haven't touched it."

I looked down at the spaghetti underneath me with a vengeance, before I finally shoved some of the disgusting food into my mouth. The monster was still in my head chastising me for this, when I could have so easily had Terra. It was all I could do to not make a regretful face.

"So, Nessie… what's your favorite school subject?" And the conversation went on for the rest of lunch, while I tried not to make anymore slip-ups.

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"Oww, Alice, that _would_ have hurt!" I exclaimed as she added another pin to the ensemble she'd thrust me into.

"It's a good thing you're skin is like ours then."

"That's why I said would have, Alice." I laughed at my joke.

"Don't move, comedian, or I might 'hurt' you again… I just need to make one more adjustment… there!" She smiled gleefully, and I couldn't help but laugh at my sweet aunt.

"I knew that the toga style wrap dress would look good on you, Ness. You'll so have to go with me to Greece next time. It's just the right color brown for you too. It balances your bronze hair and chocolate eyes perfectly, if I do say so myself."

I hugged Rosalie at her words; yes, I _would_ have to go with her to Greece next time. "Thank you, Rose!"

Both Alice and Rosalie laughed at my actions. "No, thank _you _for not being a fashion scaredy cat like your mother!"

I heard someone stop mid-page turn on the floor below us. "Thank you so much, Alice!" I could pretty much _hear_ my mom's eye roll.

"You know I love you, Bella!" Alice fought back, and then I heard five of us laughing. (My father too.) It was when I heard another masculine voice added to the mix that I became even happier.

"Hey, Jake!"

"Hey, Ness!" He echoed my sentiments. "So, guess what time it is."

I bit my lower lip, playing along. "Hmmm… is it time to go somewhere with those tickets?"

"You are so intuitive, Ness! You're absolutely right!"

"Do I ever get to know what they're for?" I hedged my bets.

"Hmmm… well you did promise a lifetime of servitude, but I don't know if it's enough."

"Name your terms." I laughed in turn, totally butchering the words.

"Admit I'm older, mentally!" He beamed at me.

"Very well. You're older, Jacob. Now please tell me where we're going!"

"Well, let's just say I think your turquoise convertible is a little outdated."

I squealed, comprehension dawning on me. I quickly covered my mouth though to hide the evidence.

"We're going to a car show for 2011 upcoming cars. And with the family's money… you may just be able to pick an even better car for yourself tonight."

I loved Jacob Black! He was the best friend in the world. _Cars_ were a Vampire Hybrid's best friend. Seeing as how my father, Jake, and Rose all obsessed over cars, it was pretty much predetermined that I would too.

"What are we waiting for? Let's go!" And with that I quickly said my goodbyes to Alice and Rosalie. Afterwards Jacob and I raced off in my car. It deserved one more ride before I gave it up, I reasoned.

When we got there we were instantly taken to the front row at the show. It was one of the benefits of having a lot of money lying around. I noticed that there actually _were _quite a few females here. It was the last thing I truly realized, though, as admiration for my best friend and the roars of the powerful engines took over my thought processes.

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**Author's Note: **This chapter was so much fun to write! I think it's my favorite one so far. The plot has continued to develop… but I mostly loved Jake and Nessie's interactions the best. They are so cute together! Well, hope you all enjoyed it. And one thing you might be wondering about… I know the Cullen family crest thing was only in the movie, but I really liked the idea and included it in here as well. And I actually planned on having a longer scene with Jake and Nessie at the end, but I don't really know cars… so it was cut down a bit. But rest assured that there will be more cute moments. Anyway, please leave a review and tell me what you thought. And what sort of car Nessie should have. Once again thank you to my guardian angel Qwi-Xux, you _are_ amazing. I'll try to have chapter four done soon and for all you Muse fans it will consist of Baseball. Vampire Baseball. "See" you next time. May the light guide you!


	5. Chapter 4: Vamp Review, Baseball Group?

**Vampire Review And Baseball Group?**

"Alright, for the win we have Jacob in the infield and Josh in the outfield." There was a loud cheering behind me before my classmates became dead silent. The winning team would not only get bragging rights, but also bonus points, and it all depended on this last round… the teams' scores were very close. _My_ silence, however, was for being trapped in the middle. I didn't know which team to root for! Josh was on my team… but Jacob was Jacob.

"Mr. Black, Mr. Ugondey, how many people were killed in the Civil War?"

Jacob answered without the slightest hesitation. "Six hundred and twenty thousand."

Mr. Zugito nodded, signaling that Jacob's response was right, and motioning him and Josh to go to the "first base" marker. Once the two were at the intended other location in the classroom, our teacher asked the second question. "Alphabetically, what was the first state that was part of the Union?"

Once again Jacob knew the answer: this, after all, was his second time through high school. "California." Those of us who knew Jake well instantly noticed the smug tone that underlined his answer.

After Mr. Zugito moved Jake and Josh to "second base," the room became even more silent. And I had thought it was impossible!

Mr. Zugito flipped through the pages of the review packet trying to find an unanswered question. I imagined that the three seconds seemed like an eternity to the eager humans, for it felt like a century to me! At last he spoke, "What was the first battle of The Civil War?"

Jacob smiled a crooked smile, (something he'd subconsciously picked up from my father) and then he answered, "The Battle of Bull Run."

The once silent classroom seemed to do a 180, for soon the class was in an uproar, yelling at Josh to get the next answer before Jacob. The winning team would be decided as Jacob tried to "make it to home plate," and Josh tried to get him out, which in turn would make our team the winners: Jacob would be the third out we'd gotten.

Mr. Zugito harshly silenced the class, threatening the loss of points, stopping the game, pretty much anything he _could _threaten before the class complied. Once again looking around the room, Mr. Zugito noticed that everyone was quiet. And then he asked the last question. "What is the exact date of President Lincoln's assassination?"

Jacob once again smiled, getting ready to answer… but before he could, my father spoke. It was too quiet for human ears; I even had to strain my ears to hear it. I imagined Jake did as well. Still, it was enough to diminish his spirits.

"Jake, you can't get this one. We have to keep up our façade, I'm sorry." I quickly looked over to my father and mother. Each seemed to have such sorrow in their eyes for their friend. I could understand it easily. My heart seemed to break for him too.

"April 14, 1866?" Jacob's voice wavered, I knew what a good liar he was. And yet, I knew he wasn't faking his hurt.

Mr. Zugito shook his head sorrowfully. "I'm sorry, Jake, that's wrong. Josh, do you have an answer for the win?"

Josh nodded his head vigorously. "I do, it was April 14, 186_5._"

At Josh's words Mr. Zugito officially gave the win to our team. The room was abuzz with cheering of Josh, and condolences for Jake.

My mother was one of the voices. "Jake, I promise you, that even though you didn't win this… you'll always be my Licorice King." We Cullen coven members all laughed at that.

"Yeah, I guess I will be. Thanks, Bells," Jacob said whole-heartedly, before walking off to grab his books. I watched him sympathetically.

"Hey, Nessie." I whirled around, somewhat shocked to see that Josh had finished getting through the line of people wanting to talk to him, and was now standing behind me. How had I missed this?

"Hey." I smiled a crooked smile at him; the trait was just so hard _not_ to pick up.

"So, some of us are getting together this weekend. I was wondering if you'd like to come."

I sighed, not even bothering to try to hide it from him. I _did_ want to go, but I couldn't. It was going to be sunny for the next few days and our family "was going hiking." In other words, the sun would reveal their sparkle so they had to hide out from people for a while. Even though the sun didn't bind Jake and me, it'd look suspicious if we didn't "go hike with the family." Therefore my hands were tied.

"I'm sorry, I can't. It's just that Carlisle and Esme want us to begin the weekend early to hike and that sort of thing." A roar of thunder sounded as I spoke, as if it was sorry for me, sorry that my would-be perfect day had become less so.

Josh nodded in understanding at my words, and it bothered me that he understood. It was like he knew not to expect much of anything when it came to me. I was about to ask for a rain check, (ironic) but it almost seemed like the _human_ had read _my_ mind. "We'll do something another time, promise."

I couldn't wipe the grin off my face at his words. "Alright." My smile seemed to become even bigger at the word: we really would hang out sometime!

"You ready to go to our next class, _Carlie_?" I looked at Jacob in surprise; he'd never acknowledged me by my middle name before. And the way he said it, it was like he was trying to prove a point. As if he was saying that he knew me better than Josh could ever dream of. I shook my head at the thought; I'd definitely been reading too many romance novels. Besides, neither of them liked me, though they'd never say anything, I _knew_ I was a freak. Still, this _freak_ did think she might be falling for Josh, even if the feelings were one-sided.

_Josh's_ next words interrupted my thoughts. "Carlie, I guess that's your middle name, huh? That's pretty."

Jacob groaned in frustration at Josh's words, like he regretted accidentally giving Josh the new information about me. He was out of the room before I could really diagnose if what I thought was true. I vaguely thought I heard him mumbling something about 'winning next time.'

Yes, I'd definitely been reading too many romance novels.

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All day it'd seemed that it was all Emmett could do to _not_ eagerly jump up whenever he would hear thunder strike. I understood the sentiment completely; we could _finally_ play baseball. Though Seattle had a lot of thunderstorms, (and that was probably the understatement of history) most of them were always came with rain. And since none of us (really Alice) wanted to get rain on our mint-condition uniforms… it'd been forever since they had played. Technically, it was Jacob's and my (and my mom's actually playing) first supernatural baseball game! And now that the time had finally arrived, I just wanted to start playing immediately.

Once we arrived at our destination, Alice had spent no time going directly to the pitcher's mound. When asked about it she just replied, "I saw that I was going to be the pitcher of my team, and that we're going to be in the outfield first." Knowing that Alice would be Alice, we left it at that.

I tapped my foot on the ground, coming up with a beat to a song I had written while everyone discussed teams. Personally, I didn't know why Esme just didn't pick. She seemed to be the only one to keep everyone from cheating. (Too much, anyways.)

"You look amazing in that baseball uniform, Nessie. Even better than me. You _are _prettier than me."

I smiled at Rose's words. I fully wanted to accept her compliment, but I knew I couldn't. "You know you're the prettiest girl in the world, Rosalie."

She smiled at me slightly. "Thank you, but that's not true. Not _anymore_. I'm glad it's not. Now maybe I can be a better person, let go of my need for vanity some."

I wanted to deny her words, but there was something in her voice I'd never heard before. She seemed to be having an epiphany. And I didn't want to interrupt.

"I wonder…" Her eyes seemed far away, and she shook her head ridding herself of whatever she was thinking.

"What do you wonder?" I asked curiously.

"I never understood what your father saw in your mother when she was human and not as pretty as me." She said each word carefully; I knew she didn't want to offend anyone. Not after everything we'd been through.

"You're _still_ prettier than me, Rose," I heard my mother say, now that she'd joined the conversation. Rosalie tried to deny it, but we all sadly knew that it was true.

"I was just wondering," Rosalie continued. "If Edward somehow subconsciously knew you could give him someone prettier than me, Bella. That he somehow knew that you could give the world the beautiful Renesmee."

I didn't like the turn this conversation had taken. I was _not_ pretty. Especially not like Rosalie!

"You're too modest, you two. You both know that if I was as beautiful as Renesmee I'd be flaunting it." Rosalie laughed bitterly.

"I think you're _all_ equally beautiful," Esme interjected, and I couldn't deny it. Not mentally, anyway; we were all beautiful in our own way when it came to who we were. Then a thought struck me.

"Esme's the prettiest!" My mother, Rose, and I had all said it at the same time; I couldn't help but laugh at the prospect.

Carlisle laughed too, as he walked over to us. "I think Esme's right. You're _all _equally beautiful." He kissed Esme's cheek at the words. "And I'd be honored to be a part of this team."

Esme put one arm around my shoulder, hugging me. "Dearest Renesmee, since this is your first game we'll let you pick. What do you think about us five on a team?"

I nodded vigorously. So the teams had been decided!

"How about if Alice's team loses, we burn her clothes and force her to watch!" Emmett's booming voice immediately brought our attention to the other conversation being had. Alice and Jasper both hissed at Emmett's words.

"I'm on your _team_!" Alice chastised him.

"Well, I didn't know that." Emmett defended himself.

I temporarily stopped listening to the argument, trying to find my own way to keep this from turning into World War III. Maybe if _I_ offered a prize to the winner… like writing a song for them, or letting them (_gulp_) burn _my_ new car (_gulp_). I even thought jokingly of promising the winning team each a kiss on the cheek by me. Yeah, that'd be a _great_ prize. Not.

"Or we could cut off all of Rosalie's hair!" Jasper said acidly at Emmett, no doubt still mad about his idea of burning Alice's clothes.

"_Please_!" My father shrieked, and every one became dead silent. Even quieter than the humans had been earlier in the day. I felt bad for my father; it had been chaos out here. I couldn't even imagine what everyone's thoughts had been like. "How about the winning team all get kisses on the cheek by Nessie?"

I blushed, I was glad to have temporarily made my father's head more bearable, but what would everyone feel about the lame prize? Needless to say, I was shocked when everyone agreed to it. My father spared my mother and me a look and shook his head before walking off to the outfield. I realized then that my mother must have let her mental shield down, and our thoughts must have been similar. It wouldn't be the first time we'd amazed my father with our supposed selflessness.

I let the thought go as the game began, and was I amazed! Jacob seemed to be going into overdrive to do a good job. He was a wolf at the moment and it surprised me how high a wolf could jump! Esme had been the first to bat; the ball went pretty high and even smacked a tree and bounced off of it. It was flying back towards home when Jacob leaped up and caught it in his mouth with no trouble at all. And Esme was officially out.

My mom had hit the ball and had rounded the bases like a pro. Both me (and my dad "secretly") had given her a high-five. People had somewhat underestimated her; relying off her sports skills as a human, they'd thought she was no threat at all. They had been wrong.

I was nervous when I went up to bat. But I supposed I shouldn't have, the ball soared farther than I thought it would, and before I knew what had happened, I'd gotten a homerun. I vaguely wondered if everyone was just going easy on me. But then again it could have been paranoia.

Carlisle hit the ball with so much force; it caused numerous birds to flee their nest. It would have been a homerun if Jacob and my father hadn't devised the funniest plan I'd ever seen. My father threw my wolf best friend up into the air. He looked like he'd been shot out of a cannon! Remarkably, he caught the ball and Carlisle was out.

Rose hit the ball with a lot of force too. It actually hit Emmett's Jeep Wrangler and bouncing off of it smacked Emmett in the head. The ball went straight up at that, and Jacob climbed up Emmett's back and jumped up, catching it mid-air. And that was our third out.

"Sorry, Blondie." The now-human Jake laughed at the look on Rosalie's face.

"Don't worry, _dog_, we're still going to win… even if your slobber makes me not want to touch the ball."

I laughed a little at their exchange as I went to take Alice's place as pitcher. Even though they got along better now, (mostly because they'd both learned they'd be seeing a lot of each other because they were my best friends) some habits died hard. I noticed out of the corner of my eye that Esme took Jasper's place as catcher and he and Alice joined the others in the infield.

I was surprised to find that I pitched almost as gracefully as Alice. And I couldn't help but laugh at what she did at bat. My mother, Carlisle, and Rose all had gone far out, expecting to have to run a long ways to catch the ball. But Alice barely hit it and took off running. By the time it took them to run to the _front_ of the field, Alice had made it to home.

In a way it wasn't fair that my father played. Though I would never want him _not_ to, he _was_ a mind reader, so I was almost positive that his team had probably won many times due to his gift. And Alice's too. So I sadly couldn't deny that I was somewhat happy when my mom, (who could run quite fast since my father was teaching her technique) ran off and a second later came back with the caught baseball.

"You're going to pay for that, love," my father threatened.

"Can't wait." My mom smiled dazzlingly. I instantly threw the baseball towards Jasper, not wanting to think about my parents' words.

Jasper hit the baseball with no problem at all, but due to a combined effort of Carlisle and Rose, they caught it, and he was out.

What really wasn't fair was Emmett's hit. It almost scared _me. _I felt bad for the children scared of the "storm." And I felt bad for any animals nearby… anyway the ball was officially gone. And Emmett got a homerun. Esme quickly retrieved another ball and we resumed playing.

Jacob hit the ball with quite a force, and all of a sudden I _wanted _their team to win. Jacob had had to forfeit the group review "baseball" game today, so it was only fair his team won this _real_ baseball game. At this revelation I wasn't thinking straight and _I_ tried to catch the ball. I jumped up, but it only resulted in it hitting me in the head. And I knew if I were human it _really_ would have hurt. By the time I had come out of my daze, Jacob had officially gotten a homerun.

"Guys, the storm's going to end in a minute. We're done." After Alice's words, she, my father, Jacob, Jasper, and Emmett all cheered. They had officially won.

At my promise I began giving the five winners all a kiss on the cheek. Alice and Jasper both smiled and thanked me, and my father hugged me afterwards and in a Kodak moment informed me of how proud he was of me.

I kissed Emmett on the cheek, but instantly found myself trapped in his vice-like arms. "Is that the best you can do, kiddo? I was looking forward to burning Alice's clothes."

Alice and Jasper once again hissed at his words, but Esme silenced them by saying: "Hush, children!"

"Anyway, Nessie, I think I require a different prize from you."

"And what's that?" I asked, a _tad _bit nervous.

"Tickling you into submission." And at that I was giggling like a lunatic. It was pathetic that a Vampire Hybrid should be so ticklish! After what seemed like an eternity he released me and went to go find Rose. _I _went to go find Jacob.

"Jake, you were phenomenal tonight!" After replaying the night in my head, _that_ word didn't even seem to do it justice.

"Thanks, you were too." He blushed slightly. "And Bella! Wow, I really shouldn't be… but I'm surprised at her skills. And Nessie, your pitching was _phenomenal_!" He laughed slightly at quoting me. "Anyway, they should sign you up for the Major Leagues."

"Stop exaggerating or I'll bite you like I used to when I was a baby," I jokingly threatened.

"Would that really be such a bad thing?" We eyed each other for a moment, locked in a staring contest, until I reluctantly gave in and punched him in the arm. "Hey, I thought I was supposed to get a kiss on the cheek, not _that_." He laughed

I rolled my eyes at his laugh but kissed him on the cheek regardless. A blush flooded over me in doing so, yet I didn't know why. I kind of liked Josh, right?

At the thought of him, I went off to grab my phone to call him, but Jacob stopped me. "We're 'leaving to go hiking' today aren't we? You're supposed to be out of cell range."

"Oh, right." Stupid cell phone companies; if they'd only improve their service I'd be able to lie so much easier!

"What is with you!? I thought we realized he was bad!" Jake's words scared me; he'd never used such a scary tone with me before.

"I don't know if he is, Jake; have you felt anything weird about him lately?"

"No." His voice easily gave away that he wished he could give a different answer. "But I still don't trust him, Ness. There's something about him…"

"Jake, I can take care of myself." I tried to assure him.

"Yeah, I know that." Once again the tone of his voice said something else. "I don't know if it's him though, Ness. I had Edward read his mind and it's so…"

I was scared to hear the rest of the sentence. Would it confirm our (his) wary thoughts? And despite the fear, I was also _mad_; I couldn't believe that my father and best friend were spying on my new friend behind my back!

Jacob didn't notice the mix of emotions on my face or didn't care. "His thoughts are too _good_, Nessie; it's not _natural_. He could have split personalities or something."

"Good? You're freaking out over _good_ thoughts? Since when is good thoughts considered a bad thing!?" I vaguely remembered a girl named Angela Webber my parents had told me about when they explained their story to me. My father had said that she'd had really good thoughts. He'd liked _her_ and her thoughts.

Once again, Jacob ignored the emotion change on my face. "They're bad if they're just used to _hide_ something bad!"

"So you're saying my friend is just bad?" I said through clenched teeth.

"You're not supposed to…" He started to say something mostly to himself but changed it. "I thought people of the vampire species weren't supposed to fall for humans."

Had I fallen for Josh? I wanted to deny it with every fiber of my being, but I wasn't sure I could. "It didn't work that way for my parents, you know." To my utter shock I soon found my cheeks were moist. Still, I couldn't stop. "Am _I_ a mistake?"

I didn't know if I was talking to him anymore or myself. I'd always wondered that. The Volturi seemed to think so, but they probably thought that Nahuel shouldn't exist either. And I didn't believe _that_. Sometimes I just wondered if I was the threat the Volturi had feared me to be. I was insanely emotional, and I remembered how close I'd come to killing Terra. I _was_ a monster. I was endangering the people I cared about most. And I wasn't just endangering my new friends but my family too. If I messed up, I could expose us all.

By the time I realized I was sobbing, I also realized Jake was running around the bases. And suddenly I could see everything _so_ clearly. He wanted the others to tell me how wrong I was, that I wasn't a mistake. I didn't want to involve them. I was chasing him around the bases but this time for a different reason. Jacob was a wolf again like he had been for most of the game. He ran faster that way. But I could jump higher, and I did just that. I jumped on to his back and stopped him in his run, rolling him onto his back in the process.

"Please don't tell the others." I could barely make out the words myself, so it surprised me when he did.

"You're _not_ a mistake, Nessie. And I'm sorry. I broke my promise." The now human again Jacob said.

"What promise?" I asked, as our arms seemed to find their way around each other as we lay on the slightly damp ground.

"I promised myself that I'd never hurt you like I did your mother so many times… Nessie, Josh makes you happy. So I won't stand in your way, I'll support you."

I shook my head, and was glad that my tears for the most part had stopped. And I was also glad he wasn't wearing a shirt or else I would have been ruining it. I shook my head _again _to refocus my thoughts. "You're right; I'm being stupid. It's dangerous, dangerous for _him_."

"You'll break his heart if you _don't_ act stupid, Nessie." He tried to lighten the mood; "Anyone would be stupid to not miss you…" he trailed off at that. "I'll monitor you, Nessie. You have nothing to worry about anymore." He choked on the last word and I looked up to see that he'd started crying a tiny bit to. Jake, who always seemed so tough! How had I allowed this!?

"What's wrong!?" I asked in horror.

He kissed the top of my head to calm me. "I just hate fighting with you." He sounded to be better, but it wasn't good enough for me.

"Jake, I promise the next time we play Vamp Review and Baseball Group you can win them both, alright?"

He laughed at my words, but I couldn't fathom why. "What?"

"Don't you mean Group Review Game, and Vampire Baseball?"

I yawned before I could answer. It was sort of late and I supposed the game had worn me out. "You will win, though, right? For me, no matter what Daddy or whoever says?"

"Of course, honey," he promised me. "Anything for you, Ness."

And then my eyes were fluttering closed. His warm chest was _too_ comfortable. As I was falling asleep, I could have sworn I heard Jacob promise that he'd monitor me… and that he'd protect me.

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**Author's Note: **I love _this_ chapter. I should probably mention the game that the history class was playing at the beginning is actually a game the kids used to play at my church. It was called "Bible Time Baseball." LOL. I just thought it'd be cool to have before the real baseball game. And about the "Licorice King" thing… on the commentary of the _Twilight_ DVD Kristen talks about how the cast was always eating licorice, (and there was that scene in La Push when you see them eating it. LOL.) So I threw it in here as a way of Bella trying to cheer Jacob up. Make of it what you will. I just wish Jake could have won the game! And I'm fairly certain all the facts I used were right: if not please inform me and I _will_ change it. I really liked writing this chapter, because I felt like I got to explore the Cullens more, and allow them to have silly (and I mean silly) family fun. And _finally _include Carlisle and Esme. The delay was _not_ intentional. Sorry folks! Hope you all enjoyed the baseball game. That was very hard to write, but _so_ worth it! I definitely recommend possibly listening to Supermassive Blackhole while reading. LOL. And it was so great to sort of have a full-uninterrupted game, and one that ends on a lighter note. (Seeing as how the only real game in the series gets interrupted by James, Victoria, and Laurent.) Anyway, I also feel like a lot of the characters _grew_ in this chapter. Especially Rose, Jacob, and Nessie. In a way I think that they've learned to put people they care about's feelings before there own. Well seeing as how this chapter is already insanely long, I should probably leave the author's note at this. Innless you _want_ me to write longer chapters. Tell me if you do! Once again major thanks to Qwi-Xux especially for betaing this long chapter, whew! Until the next time may the light guide you all;)


	6. Chapter 5: Sunlight's Bunnies

**Sunlight's Bunnies**

I laughed upon seeing Jacob; bunnies in nature had always been considered a smart bunch. Though I'd never _doubted_ it, I'd never believed it as strongly as now. There trapped in stringy moss was my Jacob. It was downright hilarious; it reminded me of those children's books about a fox and a rabbit – and how the rabbit always outsmarted the arrogant fox. Or in this case werewolf. The analogy fit the situation perfectly.

"Will you please _stop_ laughing!?" Jacob's voice was one of great anger. And I couldn't help but feel that he was overreacting a bit.

I couldn't concede to his requests, though, and before I could even get a coherent word out, he'd transformed into a wolf and broke his bindings with his teeth. We walked farther into the woods then; I was too afraid to berate him for his childishness… still a giggle came out of my mouth every now and then. It just could _not_ be helped!

"Alright, alright, so maybe I can't catch a rabbit as a human. It's not exactly a capital offense!" His words came out strong-willed, but the blush that accompanied them made it harder to bend to them.

"Believe it or not, that's not the funny part to me… even though you _were_ the one boasting that'd it'd be 'child's play.'" I rolled my eyes at the thought of his earlier self-absorbed attitude. "I just think it's funny that like in those children's books you got outsmarted by a seemingly simple rabbit. I mean come on, Jake. You completely ignored your surroundings!"

"Okay, I get it! I've earned laughter for the next century, can we just hunt!?"

Although it was hard to leave the subject as it was, my throat was becoming unbearable. And I knew if I didn't hunt soon, that I _would_ be a huge danger to the humans at school. I nodded my head at him.

A smile crossed his face at the gesture. "No holding back then."

I smiled at his words; for once I could take down as many big-game predators as I wanted without one of my family members slightly wondering if I _could_ get hurt. I would not waste this opportunity. I _would_ prove to Jake that I was stronger than him.

Although this game wasn't needed to convince me to hunt, like it had when I was younger… some habits _really_ did die hard. I was once again glad the sun didn't bind Jake and me, so I could use this time away from Josh to take care of things I didn't want to take me away from him later. I just felt bad for my vampire family; they couldn't hunt when it was sunny in the off chance that a human might see them in all their sparkling glory. I did not envy them that. It took a lot of discipline. A discipline I now understood.

As a child I'd never been able to understand why we just couldn't drink donated blood. That way we could receive it without killing a human, and we'd still get what we needed. Seeing the sacrifices my family had made is what really let me see things clearly – we chose to abstain from human blood, for we valued their lives. We didn't pick this way of life because it's easy, but because it's the right thing to do. To drink blood from a human whether they were hurt to get it or not… it'd be to betray that.

"I bet you're glad I'm here rather than Josh; you wouldn't be able to act yourself around him." Jacob winked at me with his words. It was obvious that he was joking, but I couldn't find any humor in this.

My throat was ablaze, just remembering the scent of his blood. I'd never really realized what a unique scent it had to it until this moment. I could practically feel my eyes darken. I could almost taste his scent in my memories…

"Nessie?"

Jake's words broke me from my trance; I had been a fool for going so long without hunting. And next to this berating feeling was despair. I'd never thought of Josh that way before. I'd never really thought about his blood, but now I could truly see how stupid the prospect had been. Would I be able to resist killing him the next time I saw him? Once again the ever-constant tears I'd become accustomed to were free falling.

"Nessie! What is it!?" Jake pulled me into his arms then, whispering reassurances into my ear as he smoothed my hair. The act was _almost_ enough to make me forget my troubles.

"Aw, Jake!" I began to whine. "Your words… it's just that _they_ made me thirsty. I can't go around him anymore. I'll kill him! Promise me you'll make me stay away." I sat there waiting for more of his addicting reassurances, but none came. This was peculiar.

I curiously gazed up at his face, only to see him holding back a laugh. "I think you're being a little melodramatic, honey. After you hunt I'm sure you'll be fine."

I wanted to believe his words, but how could I? Try as he might, he really could never understand what I was going through. He'd never know how hard it was for me to restrain the vampire side of me. Even he smelled the slightest bit appetizing. Even though the wolf part of his scent made his blood seem utterly repulsive. Still… it was almost as good as an animal predator's scent.

I sprang off his lap immediately and took off in a forward dash. I couldn't even be bothered to explain my reasons to him. What was _wrong_ with me? I'd never even _slightly _craved Jacob's woodsy smelling blood before. Why now did I have to lose all my bearings? _Just stop thinking! Focus on your_ hunt! I commanded myself.

It became easier than I expected when I caught the scent of a panther.

He was standing at the top of a mountain overlooking the area. Part of my mind (that was human) laughed at the thought; it slightly reminded me of Scar in the Disney movie _The Lion King. _Like Scar, this cat too would fall. I quickly thought how to go about slating my thirst… I could try to sneak up on the panther from behind it – climbing up the backside of the mountain. Or I could climb up the mountain from the front… my thirst made up my mind for me. There was little chance I could sneak up on him anyway. And this way would be quicker.

I quickly jumped as high as I could, catching the nearest ledge my hands could find. After I was certain I wouldn't fall, I shimmied up the rest of the way. The scent was getting closer, and it was almost like slow torture. Yet, I invited it, knowing this torment would be over soon. Glancing up, I could already see the great cat's face; it surprised me that he hadn't sensed me yet. But this, like many things at the moment, I paid little notice. I stepped down the mountain a few steps for leverage before springing up and colliding with the panther's muscular stomach.

We rolled around in the grass some, trying to figure out who was the better predator. It turned out to be me. In no time at all I had the panther's massive weight pinned underneath me while my teeth tried to seek out his throat. And as strange as it seemed, I had never felt more human that in that moment… I could feel my thirst begin to dissipate. And I knew that very soon I'd be able to once again embrace the human side of me rather than the vampire part. And when the panther's blood was all the way drained I wanted to laugh at myself: Jake had been right. I had hunted, and knew that things would be okay from now on. I laughed; panther had _definitely_ just become my favorite prey.

"Ness, is that you? It sounded like some poor animal was dying." Jacob's words instantly came to a stop when he saw me, for he burst out laughing. It didn't take a genius to figure out why – even through my reflection in his eyes I could see what a total mess I was. It's the price you pay when you decide to roll around in the dirt with panthers.

"You know, it may have been both my laughing _and_ that." Jacob's guffaws increased slightly at my words. "In fact it probably was!" The truth was I _knew_ it was. And soon I found that I was laughing too.

"You and Bella _really_ don't seem to know how to hunt, especially without coming home looking like you were chasing Pumba through a swamp."

I laughed at his _Lion King_ analogy. Could we have been any more alike? I once again shook my hair in his face, sending mud spraying on him as well.

"Nessie, is there something you're not telling me? Do you want to be a dog?" He joked about my action; _well_, two could play that game.

"Why would I want a dog when I already have you? I'd rather buy a cat than have another dog."

"We'll see who's a dog and who's a cat when I'm done with you!"

My right eye couldn't seem to see as clearly after he spoke; it only took me a few moments to understand why. "You did _not_ just throw grass at me!"

He tried to keep a straight face, but it's hard to look innocent when you're anything but. Finally, he caved. "But I _did_." He smirked expectantly, and I felt the six and a half-year-old girl girl in me rise. If it was a war he wanted, then it was a war he was going to get.

"This is WAR!" I finally said out loud as I flung more mud at him. It only took the coward two seconds later to phase into a wolf and take off running. And so the rest of the afternoon raged on with us trying to ruin the other's look more. I could only hope that there _were_ no humans nearby. Though my sparkle was subtle, it would still raise some questions. _Especially_ if someone saw our socially dangerous circus act. Still, at the moment Josh could have been behind me with all of his gray-eyed goodness, and I felt I wouldn't have noticed.

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When we got home Esme made us run hose water on ourselves before we came in. Alice even gave us "yesterday's" fashion clothes to sit in. After all, clothes apparently were only made for one day's wear each. The situation would have been utterly embarrassing if Jake and I hadn't still been giddy about the day's events.

Jake and I both kept having feelings and thoughts of creating a reenactment of the afternoon's events. As a result Jasper and my father had resolved to separate us if only to save all the pretty things in the house we'd inevitably destroy. Even trying to keep my dad out of my thoughts hadn't worked. Maybe if I'd learn a few _more_ languages to recite as a block…

"It's surprisingly quiet today, isn't it?" My thoughts were instantly interrupted by my mom's words. I'd almost forgotten she was sitting beside me reading. It _was_ quiet.

"If you ask me, it'd be the perfect time for you to read, Renesmee. For once everyone seems to be relatively calm."

I slightly wondered if it was because Jasper was trying so hard to keep Jacob and me calm. So we wouldn't have another "war" with articles that came from the ground.

"You finished _The Other Boleyn Girl_, right? Why not start something new? This is a great couch to read on."

I eyed her suspiciously; was she in on this too? In the end I ended up doubting it. My mom and I were too much obsessed readers to joke about these things. And this couch _was_ great for reading. The arm rests had a unique shape to them… almost like they were designed to hold books. Without needing to be told twice, I instantly got up and grabbed a book I'd been thinking about reading for a while: _Watership Down_. My mother hugged my shoulders tightly and gave me a warm smile before we both got engrossed in the words on the many pages sitting in front of us.

My mother had once said that in many schools this book was a required reading. Being _forced_ might have darkened the experience for some, but it all seemed silly to me. _Watership Down _was a great book, no matter how you found yourself reading it.

I started to see some of my family as the rabbits about halfway through. Was I crazy? I imagined asking my father, but upon seeing the smile on his face directed at me I _knew_ that he'd never tell me either way. Fiver did seem to be an Alice of sorts. Both had ties that allowed them to see the future. Hazel, I imagined as a lot of people in the family: Carlisle or perhaps my father. And then in some ways I could see my mother as Dandelion; they both seemed to have a knack for storytelling. I could only wonder if I'd find a bunny that reminded me of myself.

I was rudely interrupted from my pondering by multiple taps on my shoulder. "Ness, guess what! We're officially off lock-down."

I frowned at Jacob's words; it hadn't seemed that way to me. Were the others harder on him than they had been on me? Is _that_ where everyone had been?

"Calm down, Nessie. I was only joking." He rolled my eyes as he saw me bite my bottom lip. "I'm serious, the _worst_ thing that happened was when Rosalie told them it'd probably be safe to hangout with you. That 'the dog can't possibly make a bigger mess than he usually does.' So stop being such a pessimist."

I scoffed at his words. "You obviously don't know me then, Jake, because _Watership Down _just made me the biggest optimist ever!" Though I was only joking with him, a sense of right seemed to echo in my head. The bunnies had gone with the flow, and then would get themselves out of the bad situations that they found themselves in. _I_ could do that. And my fascination with Josh wouldn't have to end in a tragedy!

"Wow, are you like Bella, Nessie. You totally zoned out there. Maybe your brain doesn't work right either!"

I hit him in the shoulder at his words, though I knew he was joking. I oddly felt bad for my mother. He was "making fun of her" and she was no longer around to even defend herself anymore! How had I missed her leave? I blamed the wonders of a good book.

"So, are you done for today, Ness? Can I hear your song?"

I hid behind my hair, hoping he wouldn't notice the horror on my face. Sure, I _needed_ to practice playing the piece I'd been writing… but it was so _different_. I was scared to play it at a range that all of the musicians in the family could undoubtedly hear. My mother, (who had decided to pick up on her piano lessons she'd abandoned when she was young again, no doubt due to my father) Rosalie, and most of all my dad were amazing musicians. What would they think of this piece?

"You said it was mostly classical but had hip-hop beats, right?"

I nodded shyly at his words. "I came up with the beats at the baseball game." I almost laughed at the memory; it had taken everyone _so_ long to decide things!

"Which one?" Only I could have been able to note that something was brewing underneath Jacob's seemingly calm voice. I assumed it was resentment for not winning the review game.

"The _actual_ baseball game," I clarified, before he could get too upset.

"So, will you play for me?"

Once again, I knew it'd be pointless to argue with Jacob. "Of course, Jake." I smiled as I led him by the hand to the piano bench so he could sit beside me.

The notes began in a blur; there were many that were played and at the speed of the rhythm I'd come up with at our "ballpark", I assumed that one human probably wouldn't have had fast enough fingers to play it. The beginning always seemed to remind me of the beginning of my life and all the trouble it had caused. The scarier notes underlined the terror the Volturi had brought on our lives. After the beginning's climax, my playing became gentler, and had more beauty to it. Still… there was a hint of mystery to it. And two chords ended up pounding together in a powerful clash, showing the rivalry the notes might have. Still there _was_ a beauty in the mix. With my ring finger and pinky I added a new sound to it; this one seemed to be more of hope. It was a good feeling.

I wasn't the only one who thought that.

"I like the new insertion of notes; they seem to be melancholy, but not hopeless. You want it to work out in the end." Jacob's words surprised me, they were so close to my ear, and it sent a shiver down my spine. It was only then that I realized somewhere during the song his head had fallen upon my shoulder. And yet I didn't care. His words had been so right. It was exactly what I had been trying to convey.

"When did you get so poetic with words, Jake?" I laughed, trying to lighten the intimate mood now around us. It didn't work. "I think that passage of notes might represent where I'm at now." It seemed that I was now the one whispering in _his_ ear.

"And where are _we_ at?"

What happened next I couldn't fathom, I delicately kissed his ear down to his chin. And in that moment, the bizarre kiss I'd bestowed on his face couldn't have felt more right.

"Hey, have you guys seen Rose?" Emmett's distracted voice interrupted the spell-like atmosphere we'd been in. "We'll have to go back to school tomorrow, so us _bunnies--"_ I could only imagine Alice had had a vision about Jacob's earlier predicament and filled him in; the word made no sense in this conversation. "--will have to say goodbye to the sunlight's benefits. I'm going to enjoy it while I can."

"Yeah, she was fighting with Edward about something."

And with that, Jacob left to show Emmett where his mate had gone to. _I_ was alone, shocked and confused. So confused.

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**Author's Note: **Yay, Jacob and Nessie almost kissed! And she's starting to note her feelings for him! Let me just say I had technical difficulties getting this chapter here. I also had somewhat of writers block on certain things… but I won't bore you with that;) Not much happened in this chapter but much of it was important for later in the story, and things were needed to not interrupt as the plotline deepens later. (Like Nessie's need for hunting.) The book _Watership Down _was a huge inspiration for this chapter. I've been having to read it for school. So I suppose it was only a matter of time before the plot bunnies attacked. (Haha pun intended!) Anyway, if you haven't read that book I highly recommend it. A major thanks once again goes to my best friend Qwi-Xux for all her support! Until next chapter may the light guide you.


	7. Chapter 6: Alter

**Alter**

I tried to pretend the almost kiss hadn't happened. The next week of school would have been great; I was finally able to see Josh. And we were getting even closer, but my mind kept wandering to Jake. I was sure we'd both been caught up in the music. It couldn't have meant anything. Jake was my best friend, though I hadn't been acting like it. The week following our scary almost kiss, I'd avoided him like he had leprosy and I could catch it. The slightest accidental touch by him would make me fidget, and I could tell my family was growing very concerned. It got to be so much that my father at one point even confronted me.

"Nessie, you've got to stop ignoring Jacob like that. His mind is in turmoil, believe me, _I_ would know."

Though I was prepared for his words, they still cut through me painfully. I hated that I was causing my Jacob pain, and over a stupid accident too.

"You're right; it's just that Josh… and I don't know." I immediately blushed after my own words registered in my mind. I was talking about my nonexistent love life with my father! Where was Rosalie when I needed her?

All at once it seemed that if he could blush, he would. Apparently he hadn't considered the awkwardness of this at first, either. It _was_ awkward; Jacob and my father had always had an interesting relationship. Alright, so that was an understatement – they'd both battled it out for my mom's love before I was born. How the two had seemed to get over their differences, I'd probably never be able to guess.

"Can I ask you something, Nessie?"

I almost laughed at his words; as if I had a choice in the matter! He could just ask me the question and pick the answer from my thoughts. I wasn't exactly good at blocking my thoughts from him. "Of course, Dad. What is it?"

A few different emotions seemed to cross his face, I couldn't catch them all, but I thought I saw nervousness, disgust, and maybe resolve before they all came together into one composed face. "You like Josh, don't you?"

I nodded my head, too afraid to speak. When would all of this torture end!? I suddenly wished a hole would open up in the Earth that I could fall into. This was way more embarrassing than Emmett's tickle attacks or Alice and Rosalie's obsessing over my 'stunning beauty.' On my top ten of things I _never _wanted to do, this smoked them all for first place.

"I guess this is how Bella and Charlie felt when he was trying to give her the 'sex talk.' I'll have to apologize to her later for my lack of warning."

He seemed to be talking to himself more now than he was to me. Still, I couldn't stop the horror from coloring my face or the gasp that escaped from my lips.

"Oh, no! That's not what I'm here to talk to you about, Nessie." He shook his head; it looked like he was trying to escape this nightmare. I had tried the same thing, and yet here I still was. Maybe if I clicked my heels together three times…

"So, what do you want to talk about then?" I asked, not being able to stand the guessing game anymore.

"I'm just wondering if you really thought this whole thing through. If you really want to pursue a relationship with Josh, he'd have to be changed. Are you sure you allow that? Do you want that for him?"

I had to admit that when I did first start liking him, none of this had presented itself to me. But now it was strange; I just had this feeling that this was the direction I should be going, that I had to do something.

"No," I began to answer him. "I don't want that for Josh, this life…" I trailed off; I didn't like my half state and if my family's feelings were any indication then being a full vampire was even worse. "But it's strange; I think there's another option here. One I haven't discovered yet. I think it can work out differently than it did for you and Mom." Yes, it really seemed that way; this puzzle was different than theirs had been. I was sure I could figure it out, though. Or so I really hoped.

"Alright, Nessie. I believe you. I just wanted to make sure you weren't drowning in the waters like I was in the beginning." He chuckled at a memory I could only begin to imagine.

"It was worth it, though, wasn't it?" I asked already knowing the answer. My father could never be whole without my mother, for as strong as they were… that was the one thing that they weren't strong enough for.

"There is no truer truth than that," he said, proving my suspicions. "Well, I believe I'm keeping you away from your friends." Amazingly, I'd almost forgotten it was lunchtime for the humans; I had been so caught up in our conversation.

"Right." I smiled brightly at his understanding.

I was starting to walk to the table when he stopped me. "And fix things with Jacob." His eyes smoldered, and I had no doubt he was trying to persuade me into following his directions, but there was no need for it.

I now realized that one person I wasn't whole without was Jacob. I _had _to fix things with him; it wasn't up for debate. Glancing in front of me, I noted that he was the last in the lunch line, but it wouldn't stay that way for long. Against my better judgment, I used my vampire speed to get in line behind him before anyone else did. Fortunately, it'd been too fast for anyone to notice.

"Jake," I said, grabbing onto his arm. "I'm _so_ sorry!"

He turned around to face me then, and I was momentarily lost in his eyes. "You have nothing to be sorry for, Ness. I started the whole thing."

"No, it was I," I said just as intensely. This wasn't getting us anywhere. "Want to just agree that it was the sun's fault?" I asked to lighten the mood. It had the desired effect.

"Sure, sure why not?" And the smile that took up most of his face was just so _very_ Jacob.

It was while I was lost in the warmth of his smile that I noted the warmth of his arm that I was still holding onto. It didn't have the same awkwardness I'd felt earlier in the week; it just felt _right_. Touching Jacob's was just so natural; I wondered if it was because we were around the same temperature. It sent a tingling sensation throughout my entire body. And I _subtly_ withdrew my hand as quick as I was able, the last thing I wanted to do was hurt his feelings again. I just didn't know what to do with the feeling that was _still _coursing through me.

"Well, I have to go. My friends just might be missing me."

Once again I was stopped. "Wait, do you have any plans for tonight?"

The question hurt, and I was instantly glad that I was turned away from him. I _did _have plans, but Jake and I had just made up. If he wanted to do something… "Well, I was going to hang out with Josh and his friends, but I can cancel if you want."

"Alright, why don't you do that? I promise you that it'll be a night you never forget." He smiled crookedly and I could feel my heart begin to beat faster. I was also aware of his heartbeat; it'd become the most prominent sound in my world, seeing as how he was the only one in my family beside myself that actually had one. Right now, it seemed somewhat faster as well.

Somehow I ended up walking backwards from the lunch line until I reached my new everyday lunch table. Oddly, it didn't bother me at all that I didn't know how I'd maneuvered there. I sat down next to Josh, which was customary; one thing, however, that wasn't customary was my lack of food. Well, I supposed one day without food wouldn't arouse any suspicion. That was the least of my problems now; my temporary high had seemed to fade, and my heart felt like it was cracking with what I'd have to do.

"Josh…" I began reluctantly. "I'm sorry, but I can't hang out after all. I forgot I already had plans."

"Oh, that's - that's fine." He was eyeing me curiously though I had no idea why, I could only imagine that I returned the favor. Just how was I supposed to balance my time with two of the most important men in my life? From confusion with Josh's words, and occasionally looking over at Jacob, who I hoped wasn't _too _miserable for me ditching him again, the lunch period went by.

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I smiled as Jake and I walked to my Navy Blue Mustang GT after school. It had become one of those rare sunny days where you could see the sun, but certain vampires didn't sparkle. I could tell that the said married couples were enjoying the rarity as much as I was. But even though they didn't shine, other things did. The sunlight reflected off our shiny cars beautifully, and it made me love my car even more. I'd always seemed to love shiny things. Well, except maybe shiny things that came from the Volturi. But really, who would? Unless Chelsea was messing with your bonds to them. I shuddered.

"So, Jake… what are we doing tonight?" I asked to distract myself.

"Actually, _we're _not doing anything. I'm sort of hanging out with Josh and his guy friends."

I was momentarily confused, why had he had me clear my schedule then? He promised 'it'll be a night I'll never forget.' Beside confusion, I felt overwhelming joy; had they _finally _gotten over their differences? Become friends? My heart sang at the thought. Jake deserved a night out with the guys (and suddenly Josh's earlier confusion made sense), and I was sure he missed his pack. Best not to jinx it by asking, though. "Then what am _I_ doing?"

He sighed, once again I wasn't sure why. "I wanted to keep it a surprise, but I suppose you might like some warning so you don't have to go into defensive vampire mode. I contacted Zafrina so you two could finally get together again tonight."

There were many things I could have said. _Jake_,_ that's great, thank you!_ Or maybe _I haven't seen Zafrina in forever_,_ this rocks! _Even a _cool _would have been better than what I said, "Why would you go and do a thing like that? I thought you were still a littler apprehensive about non-vegetarian vampires!" My tone came out a lot harsher than I intended it to and I instantly wanted to kick myself; we'd just made up! He was just acting so suspicious, though!

"Because she's your friend. I thought I was doing a nice thing."

"You could have asked me." It was strange, as much as I wanted to reign in my words, I couldn't. I just could _not_ shut up, even when part of me was begging myself to.

"Wow, you really have morphed into Bella, hating surprises now," he said bitterly.

"Do _not _bring her into this."

"Or. You'll. What?"

"_Enough_!" Despite ourselves we both whipped our heads around to face Jasper. I'd never heard him sound like that, and quite frankly it _really_ scared me. "Like it wasn't bad enough that I had to deal with both your feelings of tension all week, but you just made up and are lashing out at each other again?" He said it only so those of us intended to could hear it. "And not even civilly, and in the middle of a high school parking lot. You two are not going to blow our cover due to your childish squabbles, now cut it out, and get a grip."

With that I stepped sulkily into my car and watched as Jacob got into the Volvo with my mom and dad, and Jasper and Alice. (I'd made him that mad?) Emmett and Rosalie piled into her BMW. Without looking back, I sped off to our house, trying my best not to think about anything, and how Jasper had been right, and I had been so very wrong.

"Well, if it isn't the little Nessie?" In my self-loathing I'd ridiculously forgot what my fight with Jake had even been about. But all traces of the fight disappeared in my head when I got home and Zafrina was there. I willingly jumped into her arms upon seeing her. If it weren't for her, I wouldn't even be alive right now. She was one of the witnesses who had stood with us when the Volturi had wanted to kill me. I'd forever be grateful to the Amazon.

Though we'd kept in contact since then, we hadn't seen each other. Whenever we tried, things seemed to overlap. And I was again instantly agonized when I realized how poorly I'd treated Jacob for this miracle. Especially when I saw he didn't come in with anyone.

"Mom, where is he?" I asked, panic seeping its way more and more into my voice.

"He's hanging out with the guys tonight, remember?"

I didn't know what to say to that so I just turned back to Zafrina. "So, how'd you get here? I mean, we've tried before but things always seem to come up…"

She laughed; my words were very true. Especially if you couldn't even make _some _time to see someone in six and a half years. "Jacob talked me into it. Though I can't stay for long, we both realized that one night would still be worth it. And I think Kachiri and Senna can survive one day without me. "

I did my best to smile and not think about how much she would have had to travel just to visit me for a day, and how weird it probably felt to have left her coven despite how temporary it was. Though I wished the other two _could_ have come, I was more than thankful for Zafrina. She and Jacob would always have my gratitude for this.

"Who would have thought immortals would have so little time?" I joked and everyone that was still in the room seemed to laugh. Still, it would have only been complete with Jacob.

As the night went on I found her painting my nails with designs I could only guess what places they were from. They were truly beautiful, and as much as I wanted my heart to be in their beauty, it just wasn't.

"Zafrina, when you met Nahuel… did he ever mention to you about being able to alter your powers?" I was trying to find a way to distract myself, so I was a little surprised when that seemingly forgotten question found its way to the surface.

"Yes, I think we talked about it briefly. Are you trying to alter your powers, young one?"

"Maybe a little." I smiled wistfully at her. "So can you then… can you alter your powers?"

"Well, lately I've noticed I can do more with my illusions. I can hide things with them; keep people from sensing things without even technically having one of my illusions out. But I don't know if it's really altering more than expanding my powers."

I sat there for a moment trying to imagine the impossibilities she described. I doubted I'd _ever_ be able to do that. But the way she described it, it sounded like it had to be something very similar to your power, just applying it differently. I doubted I'd ever be able to shoot lightning from my eyes or anything, but it'd still be cool to learn more.

"So, have you learned to alter your powers, Nessie?"

Of course she asked one of the questions I didn't want to answer. Sometimes I felt like such a failure. "No," I answered reluctantly.

She smiled sympathetically at me before she let her imagination begin to take off, "I wonder what else you could do. Maybe you could learn to read minds and keep it from your father; I'm sure he wouldn't be happy being out of the loop for once." She laughed and I did slightly too.

"That would be cool. I'd be able to have silent conversations. I'd be able to read people's minds, and let them read _my_ mind."

Zafrina laughed at that. "It sounds like you; you are sort of a shy one, Nessie."

"So I am," I said sadly. I'd _thought_ that Jacob was too. Something was up.

Zafrina looked at me sympathetically and I wondered if she knew what I was thinking.

"Well, I'm going to go to bed. Some of us need sleep," I said as I hugged her goodbye.

She laughed again. "Sleep must get annoying."

"Very; maybe I _could_ stay up…" I wanted to spend more time with her, but the day's events had made me insanely tired and eventually that did win out, and I ended up going to bed.

As I was trying to fall asleep, though, something occurred to me. That ominous feeling that Jake and I had used to get from Josh had disappeared. It reminded me of Zafrina's new ability. And even more eerie, the last day we'd sensed it was the day Nahuel first told me about altering powers. It didn't shock me in the morning when Alice said I'd been talking in my sleep.

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**Author's Note: **Sorry for the late update, some bad things have been happening in my life lately. My sister got in a car accident, (It wasn't her fault) my grandpa's dying and the list goes on. Anyway, maybe I'll write another chapter for you all this week to make up for it. I must say I like this chapter. Even though I don't really know _why_ I do. LOL. Ugh. Sorry if Jasper seems out of character, but the way they were acting… and since he had to feel those emotions, it made me feel like he might have sort of flipped out like that. And I tried really hard to keep Zafrina in character but I don't know if I succeeded. Please tell me one way or another. I'm also not absolutely positive that Zafrina and Nahuel had any interaction in Breaking Dawn, but this is _my_ story and that part was important. Please don't hate me for it. Anyway, tee-hee two things from this chapter came from two reviewers. Nessie's car model came from my dear friend Lindsey, and the silent conversation idea came from reviewer linkkinparkk so thank you both very much, and if you guys review I might just use some of your ideas if you want. And of course another huge thank you goes to Qwi-Xux, thanks for existing Laura. LOL. By the way a few things of trivia... the shooting lightning out of your eyes was one of Bella's thoughts in Breaking Dawn. Also, the part about Zafrina asking the question Nessie didn't want her to was one of Edward's thoughts in Midnight Sun about Bella after he's driving her home from Port Angeles. And of course we all know the top 10 things I never want to do, was the name of one of Jake's chapters in Breaking Dawn. LOL. Anyway, may the light guide you all.


	8. Chapter 7: Home

**Home**

"Are we cool?"

My hand was extended out towards Jacob, expectant. I longed to feel his hand in mine. Whenever we fought, we always made up the same way. One of us would hold our hand out slightly cupped, and the other would give it a mock high five, and then we would cup our hands together. Never more had I longed for the simple pleasure that that act gave. I needed to feel his skin (that held the same heat as mine) against the palm of my hand, to feel that everything was how it should be, that it was _well_. Though I'd forgiven and _been_ forgiven by many people in the past, Jacob's warmth made the others seem lacking just due to the normalcy his skin could provoke in me. Things had been really strained between us lately and I needed his acceptance like I needed air to breathe.

"Cool," Jacob said, and he _did _complete the gesture. And the smile he gave afterwards, it was like it was only for me.

I found myself meeting his facial expression squarely. "So Jake, why did you hang out with Josh? I'm really curious."

He sighed and eyed me carefully. Perhaps it wasn't the best time to bring this up; I wondered if I would take the words back if I had the chance. Though it seemed likely now, I doubted I would ever want to in the long run. This had been plaguing my conscience greatly and if he did give me an answer…

"I won't lie to you; I was investigating him. I have to give it to him, the guy had done a good job at seeming normal lately,"

"But…" I coaxed him.

"But there's something that he's hiding inside of him; I noticed it that night. Sometimes he just looks so sad about something. And somewhat determined, though he won't let anyone else see it. He always makes sure he or everyone else isn't looking when those feelings take him over."

"Then how did you notice it?" There were many other things I wanted to ask, but that question found my lips first.

Jacob laughed slightly, and I found myself joining in even though I didn't know _why_ he was laughing. "Just because humans don't notice these things doesn't mean those of us with extra senses don't." He had a point there; humans seemed to miss so much sometimes. "_You_ would have noticed it too, so I don't think he's necessarily dangerous. Seeing as how he doesn't know to hide these things better, I'd say he _has_ to be human. I can't think of anything else he could be. But there is definitely _something_ there; don't drop your guard completely, Ness."

"Hmmm… well this whole Jacob vs. Josh thing has resolved quickly. I didn't even need to give you a dose of foot stomping. Who would have ever thought that you'd become _friends_?"

"I will _never_ be that guy's friend, Nessie. Call it a preemptive strike. Though I'd never tell _you_ that, would I?" He laughed, and it wasn't hard to hear the bitterness in it.

"You have been very truthful today." My voice came out sort of shaky when I said the words. Jake was a little intimidating when he was like this.

"Maybe I want _you_ to be truthful with me."

"What could you possibly not know?"

"Why you're so intent on risking your life to hang out with Josh_ie_. I at first thought that it was because you were seeking a normalcy you couldn't have. That you were sick of the dangers you'd become accustomed to, but this _is_ still danger. Can't you see that, Nessie? So what's the point in pursuing this anymore? It's bound to end in heartache."

His words shocked me, but it wasn't their somewhat malicious content that had me reeling. It was because I didn't know if he was right. Was this all just my way of escaping my world? A world where I had phenomenal power, but with the other strong personalities around me I felt powerless? To my dismay, part of that _did_ seem right. But part of it felt wrong. Once again I was hit with a sense of notion that I _did _belong in this scenario. That there was something important I was overlooking.

"I don't know what you're talking about." I finally said.

Jacob seemed to shake his head absentmindedly. "Of course you don't." His words were no longer bitter, but just so _sad_. I could barely restrain myself from stepping forward and wrapping him in my arms.

"No one ever realizes before it's too late."

I was hurting _him_ somehow. And he was worrying over me? I absolutely loathed myself. There was no other way to put it. How could I cause so much light in my life, the equivalent to my sun, how could I cause _him_ pain? "If I promise you that I can take care of myself and I'll get out of there before it becomes too bad… will that make you feel better?"

"Yes. And will you promise, promise that if things do become too much that you'll go away somewhere, with me?"

His words were so binding and the full force of them shocked me; and yet, despite some of the voices in my head that were protesting, ones that I couldn't silence - one word, one decision silenced them all. "Yes." I boxed up who I was and was handing it over to him, but seeing the intense pain he was in… it felt like it was all that I _could_ do. If I could just help him with his burden even a little bit…

"Nessie, can I show you something?"

"Anything." I would always trust him to do what was right by me; he would never lead me to a bad road. So why would I ever not trust him? Keep him from leading me away? I didn't.

Before my very eyes, I once again saw Jacob turn into a wolf, it was something I'd seen many times but the beauty never ceased to amaze me. And with that he jumped out my window and only I would have known to follow him, _would_ have followed him so unknowingly.

I ran through the forest with him in an anticipation I'd never be able to lower. I was basking in ideas of where we were possibly going and each tree that I passed by only added to my elation. Though we were running at speeds that no human could ever dream of, I felt like my feet were lagging. I simply couldn't wait so see what awaited this venture, but I was also whole in the idea knowing that it would bring Jacob the joy in him that I'd missed so much.

My thoughts became distracted as we drifted forward. Familiar scents were starting to bombard me. I could faintly hear a stream in the distance. It was then that it all became clear. We were in Forks. And not anywhere in Forks; we were near our old home. Still, we didn't stop. Three seconds later we did.

The sight before me would have taken my breath away if I could have really called what was before me _reality_. For what was before me was too perfect to be. It just screamed storybook. In front of my line of vision was a good-sized cabin that resided on a hill. It was made out of logs and I knew many years ago it would have _screamed_ normal. It was so beautiful. Was I imagining the rainbow behind it?

"Jacob, what is this place?"

He smiled at the stunned expression on my face. His words made me even more stunned. "It's my place. I came across it one time while I was trying to chase Victoria many years ago. It just seemed normal to me, you know? Like modern things suddenly weren't normal. I ended up seeing it again right before we left Forks. And it reminded me of you. I knew you wanted to cling to this place, what you considered normal. So I bought it. So technically I guess it's yours, little red riding hood."

Wow, I _was_ wearing a red hooded sweatshirt. At the moment that seemed to be the only coherent thought that I had. "You bought me, _us_ this cabin? Why didn't you ever tell me?"

"I was saving it as a later birthday present. I figured someday you might get tired of our family and want to stay here for a while. I know _I'm_ tired of our family." I batted him in the arm at his bad joke. "Anyway," he chuckled. "I knew you'd want it to be here in Forks. It is where everything started for you. You see it as your true home."

"Jake…" I was on the verge of tears. Could anyone ever know me better than he did? I highly doubted it. He'd listened to _everything_ I ever told him. Though I didn't understand why; I really _wasn't_ interesting. But still… I was awestruck.

"Do you want to see the inside?" He smiled as he wiped one of my tears away.

"No." Shock was evident on his face, and I was suddenly conscious of his confusion and pain at my words. "I don't want to see it until we officially move in our home together."

Understanding reached him and he instantly lay back with me on the hill overlooking the cabin. It just seemed so _magical_ here. "How did you pay for this?"

Once again his laugh filled the air and it was starting to sound more and more like music to my ears. "It turns out everyone _was_ right. Money does accumulate when you have unlimited time on your hands, _especially_ since our family is so big. And Alice and Edward's psychic abilities aren't harmful factors either."

"Hmmm," I said blissfully. Words weren't needed for this moment. Yet just a few could disrupt its beauty.

"It's gotten late. We should head back." I sighed reluctantly, but stood up anyway. With one farewell glance we were flying through the trees to our _current_ home in Seattle. The whole time I couldn't wipe the grin off my face, though it was way subtler than it had been when we were actually at the cabin.

Jake and I both easily climbed through my window (it was the easiest way to sneak back in); we'd done this a few times now. But this time the ending scenario was different…

"Alice, Rose, what are you doing in here?" It was hard to remember to whisper. We didn't want my mom and dad to hear us, but then again, I doubted anything could distract them from what they were inevitably doing right now.

"You owe me," Alice said simply. "I had planned on buying this beautiful dress for you today that I'd seen in a catalogue. But suddenly the vision disappeared and I guess you know why. You weren't here!"

"I'm sorry, Alice." I hung my head ashamedly.

"We've been covering for you since you left. So, keep this endeavor out of your heads when you cross Edward's path. You know how he gets. He would rip all of our heads off."

"Will do, Blondie." Jacob saluted at Rose.

"Ahem," Alice cleared her throat. "It's late. We've done enough covering for you two; now get to bed before Edward puts two and two together when he sees how tired you two are in the morning."

"Alright," I resigned with a sigh. I pulled Jacob into a thank you embrace, (marveling at how complete I felt with him in my arms; something I'd wanted to have all day) and reluctantly went to bed after Alice and Rosalie had left my room to go and find their mates, but not before having thanked all the gods I knew of for Jacob's existence. He was already snoring before I even attempted to fall asleep. But when I did meet him there, it was no wonder that my dreams were of _The_ _Little House On The Prairie_; I'd definitely have to let Jacob read my thoughts in the morning.

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"Wow, I'm shocked. You actually found the time in your busy schedule to spend the day with me."

I smiled sheepishly at Josh's words. It was true; whenever I planned to go somewhere with him, something would come up. The sunlight, the need to hunt, Jake… it almost seemed like the world would end that I _was_ in fact finally here with him. "I'm truly sorry for that."

He turned in the driver's seat to smile at me, but it almost had me hyperventilating. Humans really needed to keep their eyes on the road. If his flawed senses rolled the car over _I_ would be just fine. He would not. Or maybe… maybe he would. What Jacob had told me instantly took the main focus of my mind. "Eyes on the road!" I had enough in me to tell him that.

"Relax. I know this turn like the back of my hand; it leads to my house."

Ha! Humans couldn't see the many miniature markings in their hands like we could. His words did not relieve any of the tension that I was feeling.

He laughed silently at the look on my face. "Seriously, relax, Nessie." His words held more lightness than they had prior, "I still feel weird calling you 'Nessie'. I don't feel like I know you enough to do that. Like I don't deserve it…"

There it was. It was as if Jake's words were playing in my head along with my reasoning. He looked away and he looked sorrowful. I couldn't fathom why. I was instantly on edge. Though I hated to admit it to myself, I _was_ scared.

"Maybe I should just stick to calling you Renesmee."

"Hahaha." I could _not_ stop laughing. I hated that idea; did he not realize the love I felt for him in my heart? He was very much allowed to call me Nessie. "Please _don't_ call me that."

"You don't like your full name?"

Ugh. There was no way I was going to tell him the real reason that I didn't want him to call me that, but I could still tell him something that _was_ somewhat truthful.

"I don't think my mom thought about how confusing that name would be when she gave me it. People sometimes get confused on if it's Esme or me words are directed at."

Idiot. I was the biggest idiot in the world. That'd been a major slip up. And he had caught it! "Edward and I were the only ones that didn't already have names when our parents adopted us. So they made them up. Carlisle loves his Esme so he wanted me named that." I rushed an explanation. I _really_ hoped he didn't get suspicious of me referring to my "parents" that way. Then again, I'd heard before that some adopted kids did often seem to refer to their parents by their first name.

"At least your name has a nice reason behind it." It was only after he'd gotten out of the car that I realized that it had stopped moving long ago. He came to my door and opened it for me. _I'd_ almost missed it, it happened so fast. My fumble truly had distracted me.

"Let's go." He smiled at me and started leading the way to his house. It was ironic; it was like the Jacob house thing all over again. Yet way different. We walked in an awkward silence, and it irritated me. Yesterday with Jake… it had been like we could read one another's mind. We were in perfect synch.

Josh's house was actually a sort of boat. It resided in the water and I was almost overtaken by the serenity it seemed to give off. Something broke the spell though. Loud yelling. Josh had heard it too.

"We'll have to come back another time. I thought he was gone…"

"Is he always like this?" I spoke the words before thinking them through, and I wanted to kick myself. I was _so_ smooth sometimes. Not.

"Mostly when I'm around. My father gets annoyed that I obsess so he drinks."

Fear swept through my body again and this time it wasn't for Josh. It was _because_ of him. When he'd said the word 'obsess' he'd sounded like a crazy person did after being convicted of a crime they hadn't thought was bad at all. It was a different reaction than his sad ones. And I was terrified. He couldn't hurt me. I was a vampire Hybrid. So, why didn't I believe myself?

Jake was right. There _was_ something up and despite it all, I knew Josh needed me and I couldn't leave him. It was like when I'd given my 'freedom' to Jake the day before. Suddenly I remembered more of Jacob's words that he didn't think that Josh himself was dangerous. Even in his display of weirdness a moment ago, he still had that vulnerability to him. Was there someone pulling his strings then? And if so, who was this person and what was I getting myself into?

There were many more important things I needed to be thinking at the moment, but for some reason the last thought I would allow myself before I had to fake normalcy for the rest of my time with Josh was this – how was I going to figure out my Jake/Josh confusion?

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**Author's Note: **Aren't I good to you guys? I got this chapter done relatively fast. It came from nowhere, and I think it went really well. I feel a lot of unchangeable decisions were made in this chapter that will affect things later on. And I finally had Josh in it more! *All cheer* Well I hope you all are continuing to enjoy the story. One thing _is_ definitely constant. Qwi-Xux being my mentor and writing idol! By the way I know Jake was being really romantic in this chapter. I know that may seem a little OOC, but I think he _is_ capable of that sort of thing. Edward and Bella have their meadow and cottage, they need this! And the first part of the chapter I so got the idea from one of Kristen Stewart's movies. I believe it was _The Messengers_. I've just seen so many Jacob and Bella videos with it I _had_ to have it in my Jake and _Nessie_ story. Anyway please review! May the light guide you.^^


	9. Chapter 8: Tent

"**Tent"**

"Hey, Esme…" I said her name quietly, experimentally as I sprayed some of her plants with their much-needed water. That was why I was here, to talk to her about what she needed--Carlisle. I'd never talked about this sort of thing with my grandmother before, though. And as much as I hated to admit it, I was nervous. "Hey, Esme?" I said again, this time with more conviction.

She heard me this time, and a moment later was standing beside me watering the plants that I'd neglected, and trying to save the ones I'd waterlogged. "Yes, dear?"

Esme wrapped an encouraging arm around my shoulder and I leaned into it in gratitude. I needed all the support I could get. I still didn't know how to start, though. I decided to just speak what I wanted to without dancing around; it was probably for the best. "How did you end up choosing Carlisle? I mean, I know the two of you were mates, but… you had a whole life and family before your encounter. How did you just end up settling with him?"

The words sounded horrible when they reached my ears. I hoped no one would relay my words _to_ Carlisle. They'd hurt his feelings, and I wasn't even _trying_ to put him down, and they still sounded awful.

"You mean, how did I let go of my human life for him?"

Her words also sounded strange. It was very unlikely for a vampire to stammer with words; they were able to think _many_ things at once and therefore weren't taken by surprise ever, really. Esme stammered now – she was really thinking this through. And once again I felt guilty; I hoped this wouldn't result in painful thoughts for her.

"I guess," she finally said. "I guess it was because it _wasn't _settling. The loss of my son had wounded me deeply along with other things, so I'd decided I wanted to end that life. Carlisle gave me a new one I wasn't pursuing, that I didn't know existed, but one I am eternally grateful for. He gave me a family that I love with all my heart. And a love for _him_, such a strong love I never thought possible. I didn't lose anything, I gained something."

At her words it seemed like a huge weight had been lifted off of my shoulders. For the first time since I'd met Josh, my path was clear before me. I did care about Josh, but with him… I _would_ be settling. And I could end up losing so much in response.

Jacob, on the other hand, _wasn't_ giving up. He was my very best friend and I knew that I could never be without him. The thought alone was painful. If I chose Josh, then I knew despite Jacob's efforts to stop it, we would lose each other. I could never bear that! With Jacob I kept and got everything, all I'd ever want and need. I just wished I'd seen it all along. Being with Josh wasn't fair to him, and most importantly it wasn't fair to Jake. And in truth, it wasn't fair to me.

It seemed like everything and nothing had changed. I would still help Josh with his problem; I would figure it out and help him. But I would stop going after his affections. It just wasn't worth it anymore.

"You seem calm, Nessie." Jasper laughed at that from inside the house. "It feels nice to have someone place that emotion on _me_ for change."

"I'm glad." And I couldn't help but smile at helping my uncle. I did _feel_ calm. It was like I'd just answered the most pressing question of all time. It was a good feeling.

Then I got an even better idea. I wondered if my glee would make Jasper feel good as well.

Just as soon as I'd come up with the idea in my head, Alice had skipped outside and drawn me in her arms. "I love that plan, Renesmee! It looks like you got some of your father's romantic side. And I, of course, will be more than willing to help. Like finding you the perfect outfit!"

She started dragging me along without my consent and I shot an apologetic glance at Esme, for Alice making me leave her. Sometimes it seemed apologies came in droves when Alice was involved. And I knew I'd be apologizing to _her_, if I didn't wear what she wanted me to. I sort of wanted to buy my own outfit, but Alice was so unrelenting when it came to what she wanted. This thought kept me pretty much entertained while I waited for the mall to appear on the horizon.

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When I got home, everyone was gone as promised. I briefly wondered how Alice had convinced my parents to agree to leaving; I was after all their "little girl" and this was my first date. Then again, they had seemed to be more tolerable lately…

I started a little when I smelled a change in my scent. It smelled smokier? Looking down, I noticed what was behind the bizarre change. _There goes setting the world record for lighting candles without going unscathed_. I thought. I had let the fire touch my finger, and hadn't even noticed it! Granted, it didn't hurt me, but it did stain my finger slightly and change my scent with areas close to it.

Once again, however, the candles seemed trivial when I heard Jacob approaching the house. Rather fast, actually. Too fast. I laughed when he nearly fell through the door in his haste.

"Ness, Josh wasn't at the school. Are you sure I should have gone to get him _there_? Maybe he met something else; what's his num…"

He trailed off when he took in the scenery of the room. I was surprised he hadn't noticed it earlier. We usually had more light in the house and _way _less candles. We also didn't usually have a "tent" made out of sheets in the middle of the living room floor.

Jacob glared at me in accusation, and I laughed again. "Sorry, I had to get you out of the house or else this wouldn't have been a surprise. There was no Josh waiting for a ride, so that means he's also not coming over, so you also don't have to watch over us."

"What's all of this for? And where _is_ everyone?"

"I think they're in Forks. And I really don't know where to begin explaining this… I'm done with trying to win Josh's heart, for one. It was a bad idea from the start, and I'm sorry that you saw that and I couldn't. I hurt you; I didn't treat you like my best friend." I almost cried thinking about how _bad_ a friend I had been. "Anyway, seeing as how we are both still _young_, I was wondering if you'd like to be on a date with me. Right now."

I stammered the words (stammered officially becoming my word of the day) and almost fell over the couch, when I sort of fell backwards out of nervousness.

Jacob was there steadying me immediately, and I was afraid of his proximity. What if I'd been right before and he didn't like me? I'd acted so impulsively, so stupidly. What if he left, right now?

"I'd love that, Nessie, so stop hyperventilating."

I smiled at him shortly before I found myself glaring at him. "I was _not_ hyperventilating."

"Sure, sure. Believe what you like, Nessie. _Anyway_, what do you have planned?"

What I felt next is probably what an actor might feel before performing a show. Except there was a slight difference as I'd never done this before. And I didn't know if I could. I definitely had acquired stage fright. "Well," I began shakily. "I've sort of been trying to learn to alter my power. Nahuel told me it was probably possible. And I was thinking maybe I can display my thoughts outside of me, so we can view it like a slideshow or something. Everyone seems to like my gift… and then I got thinking it'd probably look cooler with less light. Via the candles, and I also thought it'd be cool if we could maybe get it to reflect on the inside of the 'tent.'" I was officially babbling. Jacob placed a finger to my lips to halt my panic attack. I couldn't have been gladder.

"Sounds cool. Let's try it."

He took my hand and led me to the "tent." I made sure to check my breathing at the entrance, and when I felt well enough, I walked to the farthest side and sat cross-legged. Some form of the calmness from before found me again as Jacob sat across from me. Suddenly I was _excited_. I could already imagine telling Nahuel and Zafrina about this if it worked.

"Alright, I think I have an idea. Touch your hands to mine like you're giving me a high five, except take them back so we're barely touching. So only the hairs on our fingers are touching." He did as I said, and I did my best to concentrate and not think about how strangely intimate it felt.

If it took someone touching me for my thought to enter _their_ mind, then maybe if we were barely touching the connection wouldn't be complete and we'd both have to see it _outside_ our heads.

Jacob smiled and I wondered what I looked like to him. I was trying so _hard_ for this to work. I looked into his eyes as he did me, trying to find the strength I needed to _really_ control my power.

All of a sudden I heard Jacob laugh in mirth and I realized I had accomplished the feat. Dancing in _front_ of my eyes were my thoughts. Jacob's gorgeous eyes and smile, my resolve at letting Josh go was there. All the things I'd held close to my heart as of late were now being shown in front of us. It wasn't as big as I wanted the images to be, but it'd still exceeded my expectations of what I could do. I smiled, proud of myself.

The smile did _not_ last. For soon the images were blurring in front of me. Jacob's frantic voice was the last thing that I heard before the scene changed indefinitely.

***

_I was floating above Emmett. That was the first thing that I realized. Upon straining my eyesight more I could make out myself. Despite how confused I was becoming… I realized this wasn't reality. And even more, I realized that this was a past event. I was dreaming a previous memory._

_But what was the significance of seeing this again? And why hadn't this happened before? It was clear to me that my subconscious thought this was something I needed to know, but how had I ended up here? How had I dreamed this up?_

_I desperately tried to remember what I had been doing before this all had happened. I remembered trying to strengthen my power… was that responsible for this? Had my power snapped and brought me here?_

_My thoughts were interrupted when I heard a ghost of Emmett's voice. Something that had happened before, that I heard before. But it sounded different this way._

_"Nessie, will you stop biting your bottom lip _before_ your teeth breaks through it? Now, I've stopped watching the game so tell me what's on your mind."_

_Though hearing the memory of Emmett's voice had been strange to the highest degree, nothing would have prepared me for when I heard my own. "I don't really know how to say this, Emmett."_

_Memory me once again started biting on her bottom lip. Though there were more important things to think about, I found it bizarre. I didn't really do it _that _much, did I?_

_"I know how hard this life is for Rose, and I know how much she'd give up to be human again. I've talked to her about this, but I'd really_ _like_ your _opinion on something."_

_Memory Emmett chuckled slightly at those words. "What is it you want to know, kid? And please relax. It sounds like you're confessing to murder! You_ didn't _jump_ _off the wagon, did you?"_

_Even knowing he'd say that, I couldn't help but scoff at the comment the same moment memory me did. She effectively ignored the comment. "How do you live with knowing that she'd trade _you _to be human again? Do you regret the times you've had? Do you wish you could go back and stop the _good _times to spare the pain?"_

_I remembered rushing through the words, thinking they'd probably cut through him painfully. I had been shocked when he once again laughed, and I still was now. "I told you, Nessie, you can talk to me about anything. And to answer your question, I wouldn't take away the good times. Especially without her consent. But I would go back so I'd have more time to try and think of a way to give her both. Even though I know it's unlikely to find away to reverse the vampire transformation. Anyway, I'd never do away with what we had. Because I know deep down that if Rose couldn't have both ways she wouldn't want either. I know how she values me."_

_Like how Esme's words had freed me, Emmett's had binded me. I'd pretty much planned to stop having Josh in my life._

_But at Emmett's words I realized that I wanted the happy moments too. I would also continue to try and find a way to help him out of the problem that I felt Josh in. How could I do that if I wasn't around him? I couldn't abandon him. I wouldn't._

_All of a sudden a voice in the back of my head became all the more painful, because there was no way I could have both, much like Emmett had said. I couldn't have Josh and Jake._

_I was going to abandon my Jacob, and I was going to hurt him. And I all but wanted to die at the thought. Especially when his voice became clear._

"Nessie! Ness! Please, please, PLEASE wake up!" _I thought that I could hear tears in his voice, but I also wondered if I was just imagining it, if I was expecting too much._

_My vision once again started to blur, and as it did, I knew there was something I had to say… "Thank You, Em!"_

_Though his words had been the most painful for me, they were also the most important. They'd allowed me to realize that I had to save Josh. That I couldn't leave._

_It was almost ironic that at first his advice was the one I dreaded most. Even more than the thought of asking my parents. He had been the only guy I asked… and I felt bad for therefore not thinking him insightful. His advice had helped me more than Esme's and Rose's._

_Deep down I did wonder if it'd cost him. He and Rose had the most strain in there relationship due to past events._

_And those events were the closest to what was going on with me now._

"Nessie, please, honey. Open your eyes! PLEASE!" _Once again, I heard my personal lighthouse calling my name. My Jacob, who I was destined to hurt. At his words this time the scenery did officially change, but I wasn't home like I thought I'd be._

_A new scene had unfolded before me, another memory. Somehow I knew. But it wasn't one of mine._

_I recognized Kelly and Josh? They were dressed in black and seemed to be arguing. It was also raining. I strained my ears to hear something, but it was harder than I thought it'd be. I had super hearing, so I rationalized it was probably because it was someone else's memory._

_"You can't keep doing this to yourself, Josh. Don't you think I wish we weren't here too? I was her best friend! If there was a way I could go back and save her I would do it no matter what the cost. But I know reality from fantasy. You need to learn the difference too."_

_"I know how you must feel, Kelly. But I'm telling you, she's not dead. Shaylee is not dead. And I'm not just going to sit back and let people mourn over her for no good reason. Not when I can save her! And I'm telling you I can save her. Don't you think I of all people would know?"_

_I had been so transfixed in the scene before me; my own thoughts were on the backburner. It surprised me when instead of snapping back at him Kelly put a hand on his shoulder sympathetically. All of my memories of her… she didn't seem so nice._

_"I do think you of all people are probably suffering the most. You're probably thinking of a million ways that it's your fault. That if you'd been there with her or something we wouldn't be at this funeral right now. But if you don't stop this obsession in believing that she's alive you'll end up destroying_ yourself. _I just lost my best friend, Josh. I don't want to lose another one! Look, Terra's coming over to my house tonight and why don't you come too? It's better to have people support you through these sort of things. PLEASE, Josh!"_

_This was a different Kelly than the one I knew now. Her plea was so heartfelt it reminded me of my Jacob trying so hard to wake me this very minute. So it surprised me when he turned away from her and started walking towards me. I knew he couldn't see me, but it was still bizarre. And the look he had in his eyes when he walked past me…_

_"So you did become a different person." Kelly's words mirrored my own feelings._

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**Author's Note: **Sorry for the delay in updating you guys, truth be told I actually lost track of time. I'd forgotten it'd been awhile since I updated last. One quick thing, the reason Nessie didn't ask Alice for advice is because Alice doesn't remember being human. So we had a romantic moment between Jacob and Renesmee, too bad it had to end the way it did. I love this chapter, (especially the dream sequence) but I found it hard to write for some reason. My Nessie definitely has a mind of her own. My original intention was to have her sort of follow Josh blindly; I should have known she'd be too smart for that. In this chapter she came very close to giving him up. That is until she had this strange dream. And yes, Kelly, Terra, and Shaylee actually are important characters. Kelly and Terra were both in chapter three. And Renesmee also thought of Terra for a quick instance in chapter four in case you guys forgot. I do pretty much have the entire story planned out. And pretty much everything gets tied in later, so you might want to reread some chapters as the story begins to unfold. LOL. Thanks for everyone who supports this story, I try to talk to everyone who reviews, favorites, or adds it to their story alert… but sometimes I don't have time to talk to everyone, but I will continue to try, I appreciate you all so very much! So feel free to tell me your theories, I'd really enjoy that. As always none of this would be possible without the lovely Qwi-Xux. She is and forever will be my role model. Until next time may the light guide you.


	10. Chapter 9: Snow Angel

**Snow Angel**

The first thing I noticed in the fog of early consciousness was that I was in a very uncomfortable bed. It was clear to me that it wasn't _my_ bed. I just wished the bed would disappear! I would have been willing to bet that floating in air (though impossible) would be better than this. It was after this thought that I heard shouting, and everything became clear.

"Where's Nessie!?" I instantly noted that this voice was Josh's; I would have known it anywhere. I desperately tried to call out to him, but no sound escaped my lips.

"Josh? What are you doing here? _How'd_ you get in here?" I instantly recognized _this_ voice as my Jacob.

Once again I desperately tried to get his attention. "Jake!" I finally was able to get sound to come from my lips, but my eyelids still seemed glued shut.

"Edward, what's happening to her!?" My mother's voice was full of distress. I ached to rid her of it, but my lips seemed cemented again. And I'd thought I'd been doing so _well_ before! What a bizarre situation.

"Your guess is as good as mine. Jacob said she was trying to strengthen her power," There was menace in my father's voice when speaking of Jacob. "Something must have gone wrong. She's confused, but she seems to think she can't speak, or open her eyes."

"She spoke to Jake a moment ago." My mother pressed.

"He's probably the only one who _can_ reach her. Because of their connection."

"Jake, get in here, Renesmee needs you!"

Alice protested my mother's idea. "It's hard enough to see around _her_. And now you want to add Jake to the mix?"

"Your seeing has been all wrong tonight, Alice! You said things would be alright if we left. That you saw us all happy in Forks, and then _this_ happens! I'm not relying on your foresight anymore." I wanted to tell my father to not be angry with Aunt Alice; however I was far past even _trying_ to speak.

"I'm sorry, Edward. Things _were_ fine. You know how the future can change…"

My father sighed, and I could just imagine the way he was probably pinching the bridge of his nose. "I'm sorry, Alice. I shouldn't be taking out my anger on you."

"Don't apologize, I understand. Tell Jake to stay out there, then I can try to see when we'll all be out of here…"

Once again I wanted to yell; it had worked when I tried to signal Jake before… 'Bring me Jake,' I thought. Sadly the words didn't come out.

"She needs Jake, Alice. She's getting worse."

"Jake!" my mom said again.

In the next moment he and Josh came rushing in the room, it had seemed like an eternity since I'd heard them speak last. It was only a couple of seconds, though.

"Josh, just go home!" Jacob growled out his words.

"No! I need to talk to Nessie, this is going to sound crazy, but I think I saw one of her memor-"

"Worry about it lat-"

"Oh my God, would happened to her!?" Josh and Jake kept interrupting each other.

"It's a long story. Can you please, just leave for now?" I heard Esme's voice for the first time in this conversation. I knew she was trying to be dazzling.

"Yeah, sure. Call me if you need anything." I breathed a sigh of relief when I no longer smelled his scent. I never wanted him to see the freak show side of me.

"Nessie, honey… can you hear me?" Jacob said. I was jealous when my father had to answer for me; I wanted to be able to.

"She can hear you," he began. "But she can't respond. That is, she can't talk or open her eyes."

"So she's in a coma? This is all my fault!"

I wanted to cry, but I couldn't do that. He needed to know that this wasn't his fault. I needed my Jacob in my arms!

"Don't blame yourself, Jacob. You're not the one who made Nessie stretch her powers. I know her emotions, and she would have done it regardless. Don't blame yourself; I know she wouldn't blame you."

I did my best to send some good feelings at Jasper as a thank you, and to help him. I knew the grief everyone was feeling would be multiplied on him.

"Let's focus on sending her good vibes." I couldn't help but agree with Jazz, I _did_ need them too.

Upon smelling another familiar scent, I once again tried reaching out to it, to Rosalie. Maybe my best friend could help me…

"I can't get in touch with Nahuel or Huilen. My guess is that they're both out of cell phone range. Emmett's trying to go and find one of them…"

"No!" Jacob once again interrupted. "When people are in a coma, the only thing that can really bring them back is familiarity. Have Emmett come back here."

There was a moment of silence before finally my mother spoke. "I think Jake might be right; it could take days to find them anyway. Call Emmett and tell him to come back."

I really only caught part of what was said after my mother's order. The fog started to dissipate and I finally realized what I was lying on, a hospital cot. I'd always known not to ever let myself be brought to a hospital. If it was allowed, people could discover what I was. Despite not being able to talk before, I was surprised when I was screaming. I began thrashing around, most likely looking like a lunatic.

When I felt Jacob's scent engulf me, I began to relax. Even more so when I felt his cold arms around me. Wait, that made no sense! Jake and I were always the same temperature.

"She's burning up! I swear I'm going to kill that Nahuel! Anyway, you vamps should probably try and keep her cool."

At his words I felt many hands rest on me. Though they did feel good against my flushed skin, I just wanted Jake. I grabbed onto his face and let my feelings wash over him. It was a liberating feeling. It was like I was finally letting him help me carry the burden I held. That he was saving me from some of these bad feelings I'd been having.

"Jacob, thank you," I barely whispered. I fell asleep with him holding my hand, his ring finger lying on the ring he'd given me for my first Christmas.

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I woke up a few hours later to find Jacob lying on the porch beside me, asleep. There were a lot of things I wanted to ask him, but I couldn't bear to wake him up. He, after all, had fallen asleep worrying about me. And even though I was now clearly fine… I knew that once he woke up, he'd still worry about me. Things were forever changed between us. If he could escape all of the pain in his dreams, then I'd be willing to let him sleep forever. I should have known it wasn't meant to be, though. Lately, it seemed like _everything_ wasn't how I thought it was meant to be.

He woke up about fifteen minutes after I did. Smacking his head on the porch railing, he cursed before going wolf. I wanted to laugh, but it probably wasn't the best reaction. He'd learned to be on guard ever since he'd become a wolf, it seemed now that he could never fully relax.

Despite my best efforts some giggles did escape me. And his eyes were immediately intent on me. In them was shown the worry I'd so hoped never to see. I'd expected him to give me an onslaught of questions. So it surprised me when instead he phased back, and hugged me in the tightest embrace we'd ever shared.

"I thought you were dying, I thought I'd never see you again! There was nothing I could do, it was all my fault!"

I hushed him as I jostled him in my arms some, doing my best to sooth. Suddenly I felt like his mother. "I'm fine, Jacob. I'm alive. I'm here. Which reminds me. Why _are_ we on the snowy porch?" I tried my best to change the subject.

"You had a fever; no one knew what to do. Our temperature's usually way hotter than anyone else's. But then they were afraid you could get chilled so they put you in that robe."

I hadn't even noticed I was wearing a robe. There was something disconcerting in that he'd noticed and I hadn't.

"Where is everyone?" I said.

"Alice finally saw something useful. When you and I were alone together, it increased your chance to heal. She saw everyone - that she can see anyway - she saw them happy again. So they left you to my care." He grinned hugely at that thought I couldn't imagine why. Maybe it was because _everyone_ had trusted him, even my parents in this dire situation.

"Why was I on a hospital cot?" I was still wracked by confusion with that. That had been the first thing I'd noticed when I _didn't_ open my eyes.

"Carlisle was debating on trying to work on you here, but he didn't know how to help. Hell, we wouldn't have been able to penetrate your skin if we _did_ find a way to help. It was really scary, Ness. Please don't try to alter your power again unless you want to be friends with a white furred wolf."

We both laughed at Jacob's words. "But really, please don't. Nothing was scarier than Emmett's response to help you." His eyes were grim, and the look itself terrified me. But I'd brought all this on myself I needed to know.

"What did Emmett suggest?" I barely whispered.

"That we take you to the hospital. There were more supplies there…"

"The Volturi would have come after you, I would have been discovered..." There was no inflection in my voice. I was doing my best to hide the utter terror I'd felt for what I'd almost brought to pass tonight.

"Everyone agreed that trying to save you was worth the risk. Emmett almost eager for the fight after last time."

I gasped at all he'd said, irrationally angry with my Jacob. "How could _you_ agree? We wouldn't have won and the Volturi would have let no one go free. Even your pack back in Forks would have been killed. You have a responsibility to them. They mean everything to you, Jake."

"You mean more, Nessie. You mean more than anyone."

I was crying by this point. "Why?"

"Because you're my best friend, Nessie, the only person in the world who really gets me. You're the only light in the supernatural, the only one who's kept me from giving up on being human. You were the one who made me decide not to give up on the Cullens after you were born, and I thought that Bella was dead. You're the only reason I'm here _now_. And where I am now is where I always want to be. Nessie Carlie Cullen, you are my everything. And I'm yours." He traced the dog tag charm he'd gotten me. I fought the urge to pull my bracelet away from him when he did. Because what he'd said made me realize something.

I wanted to be his everything like he said, but I couldn't. He'd been so willing to sacrifice his pack for me, himself. And Jacob dying because of me was the worst fate I could ever imagine. He'd already sacrificed so much, been hurt so many times. Whether it was because of my mother at one time, or me. He'd almost given up on his human side because of that pain. The truth was that even though I wished human sides and humans could be involved in the supernatural, they couldn't. I'd fooled myself into thinking so. And if Jake didn't let go of this, of me… he would lose his human side. He wouldn't be able to deal with the pain anymore. And a Jake that didn't laugh, lose his temper sometimes, a Jake that lost the ability to be my sun, wasn't Jake at all. I had to let him go. To save him, like he had me. To do that I couldn't be his everything, I had to be his nothing.

I ached to return his words with my own similar ones, but I was bound now. I had to cut my ties to him completely. "What are we doing about Josh seeing one of my memories?"

Jacob's face became detached at my words; I could practically feel his heart break. "You're going to be out of school for a few days, we can figure everything out in that time."

"Why am I going to be out of school?"

"You were just in a coma, Nessie! It'd look suspicious to Josh if you were just back at school tomorrow. And I'm still worried you'll revert back to that being in a coma state."

"Don't worry about me, I'm fine!" I was shocked by the venom in my voice. I'd finally become a good actress. Except I didn't think the words were supposed to cause me pain.

"I always worry about you, honey."

"Don't call me that. It implies too much! You'll give Josh mixed signals." Once again I was officially crying, if nothing it added to my performance. That was all I dared to care about anymore. When Jacob had spilt his heart, I'd seemingly stopped caring about Josh altogether.

"What? You always like it when I call you that. You said it makes you feel human, since you can't like 'honey' any other way."

"I just had a near death experience, Jacob. It opened my eyes. And I can't keep pretending that you're just my best friend. It isn't like that for you, I can tell. And if I keep pretending it'll just cause us both more pain. I love you, Jake. But not enough. Not like that. I'm _in_ love with Josh Ugondey."

Jacob smiled but it didn't touch his eyes. "I won't dispute your decision, Nessie. I always knew you were crazy like your mom," he joked. "But Josh is human, have you thought of that?"

"Of course, and I want to keep him that way. The only way I can remotely hope to feel human is to be with one. You aren't human, Jacob. Nor are you supposed to be. _I_ was born half-human; I was born like a human. You pretty much lost your humanity the first time you phased."

"You're right. I've just been fooling myself. I'm the _worst_ monster. It's time I face that. We phase by anger, until we learn to control it. We imprint on poor girls, and still there chance to be normal. We phase to kill vampires. And sure most of them are killers, but at least they can resist. We're created to kill. We kill these other creatures that used to be humans too. Creatures that had no choice, creatures who were just changed out of the blue. In the end we're still killing humans. They _were_ born that way. I was born like this. With these monster genes. And I am one, and no matter how hard I try not to be, the truth is there's nothing I can do about it."

No, no, no, no, no! I was supposed to be making him see what a jerk I was. Making him want to leave me, and embrace his human side. Free from us. It's we vampires who _make _him phase. He tries to protect what our kind destroys. If it weren't for us he'd be human. He'd started out that way. I was the one who was a monster, an abomination. I just didn't defy humanity. I defied nature. Jake deserved better. I'd have to hurt him. In time he'd see the truth.

"You're absolutely, right. I can't believe I didn't see it before. You should probably leave me now, Jacob."

"You may need me, though, you were _sick_. People of the vampire species don't get sick, you could still revert…"

"You saved me Jake, and I'm grateful. But I'm fine. It was probably my human side that got me sick. Anyway, you can stop worrying."

At my words I left him standing outside. I barely made it in the door before I broke down. I chanced a glance at Jacob to see him smiling. Well, my mission was accomplished. I'd freed this angel, this snow angel. The snow sticking to him made him look like a god. I was no god. I was a demon. At least Jacob had finally understood. I only hoped someday I wouldn't feel this pain.

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**Author's Note: **Sorry for the late update! Technical difficulties. LOL. Ahem. Awww, Nessie pulled an Edward, in New Moon. *Cries in a corner.* Despite the sadness, I hope you all enjoyed this. I loved this chapter. But I really had a hard time writing it. Writer's block is _so_ annoying. I hadn't planned this chapter to go this way at all. It was _supposed_ to be happy! The title clearly shows that. Nessie never listens to me though. LOL. I think this chapter was a big step for these two. Jacob's felt inhuman ever since New Moon, and now that he's living with vampires I think it's natural his views might have slightly changed. Maybe Jake can finally understand how Bella felt. And it seems that Nessie's destined to follow in the footsteps of her father, she sees herself as inhuman. When will these two, learn!? By the way, if you're wondering why Jacob didn't have to listen to Nessie when she told him to leave, it's because she really didn't want that. And deep down he knows, like Bella did, that everything she said was a lie. So for one instance his being imprinted to her didn't make him comply with what she "wanted."

A gajillion cookies go to my wonderful Qwi-Xux and all of you! And if you review I'll tell you why Jacob was smiling at the end. May the light guide you all;)


	11. Chapter 10: Complicated

**Complicated**

I bit on my lip a long moment, hoping to ensure my answer to Seth's pondering question would at least make _some_ sense. "I don't really know how to put it Seth, some things have happened… and I think Jake might be returning to La Push."

"What did you say to him?" It had come out casually enough, but there was an edge to his voice that I didn't think he had wanted me to hear. The edge to his voice sounded a lot like accusation. I didn't like it. Seth wasn't acting like Seth.

"Why do you assume_ I'm _the cause of said things?"

"I know Jacob's mind, Nessie. It's sort of one of the advantages and disadvantages of the pack. He would never leave unless you wanted him to."

"You're psychic," I replied sadly.

"No, I'm not Alice. And I believe I've mentioned that just once before." He laughed at his inside joke. When I didn't as well, he felt equipped to explain. "Your mom said the same thing to me once."

"Ah, that's cool, when was that?" I was grasping at straws. I really didn't want to talk about the Jake issue. I didn't want the whole pack knowing what was going on. I didn't want them to hate me. I already hated myself enough.

I shook my head, hoping to somehow gain some coherency in my mind. _I_ had been the one that put the wedge between us, the one who _wanted_ him to go back to La Push. To have a chance at being normal. A chance I'd never be blessed with.

All of that was right. I, right now, was the thing that was _wrong_. I selfishly wanted him to stay here with me.

"So, why do you want him to leave, Nessie?" Seth leaved my distraction of a question unanswered. And alas returned to the ones I didn't want to answer. At all.

"Renesmee, can you can come here please, sweetie?" Thank you, Lord, for my savior of a mother.

"I'm coming, Mom!" I replied a little more loudly than necessary so that Seth would hear.

"You have to go," Seth ascertained.

"I'm sorry, Seth. Call back later, and we can talk more. I've really enjoyed catching up." It was true. Despite Seth's sudden perceptiveness with certain things, it was always good to hear from one of Jake's pack brothers.

"Will do, Nessie. Merry Christmas!" And with that he hung up.

Christmas, huh? I'd almost forgotten it was that time of year. I'd never really thought about it but it was sort of convenient. If anyone questioned my great health recovery when break was over… maybe I could just say that I'd really started my vacation early…

In some ways it _had_ been an early holiday break for me. Unfortunately, it was without the relaxation element though.

Thankfully, Josh hadn't been back or even called. Esme's request of him to leave my health a family matter must have really struck a chord. It gave us all a better opportunity to work on our cover story, and I know we needed to be face to face, when the family would unfortunately have to trick Josh.

So maybe the way _that_ had worked out was enough reason to give me the ability to relax.

Then there was the Jake thing. Things were so weird right now! It was my fault, of course. But I really had no idea what would become of us. It had me worrying my bottom lip often now.

I walked into the kitchen at a human pace, and when I got in there I was sort of shocked. It was just my mother in there. Where had everyone _gone_? More importantly how had I _missed_ everyone leaving? But for some reason the thing that bothered me most was the fact that my parents weren't together. They were _always_ together. I began to feel wary.

"Renesmee, come sit down with me?" It sounded more of a question, not parental at all. Curiosity began to win over wariness.

The moment I sat down on one of our bar stools, my mothers eyes went downcast. This reaction once again seemed strange to me. Why wouldn't she meet my eyes?

"Nessie, do you know much about what happened some time after Edward and I went to prom together?"

The question threw me for a loop, but I gained my composure quickly. "Didn't you have summer vacation after that? Wasn't it also when you first started getting close to Jake," I winced for some reason at saying the name, "and the wolf pack?"

"That's right. But do you know what happened before the Jake bit?"

"Dad left you," I said, comprehension finally coming to me. My parents barely ever talked about their seven months apart. It was almost a taboo for anyone to bring it up. I immediately understood why everyone had left. My father was the touchiest about this subject. Knowing he caused himself so much unnecessary pain, as well as my mother.

"Alice decided to take everyone 'Christmas shopping' so we could talk." She seemed to have read my mind. "We need to talk, Renesmee. And I want you to know that I'll try to shield all our thoughts about this afterwards. No one will have to know the context of our conversations besides us, and unavoidably Alice. This _is_ really hard for me to talk about. So will you talk with me, Nessie?"

"Of course." I vaguely wondered if she could hear the terror in my voice.

"I had a birthday party; it was really what made up his mind about leaving." She stopped for a moment to gather her thoughts. "No, I shouldn't say that. He'd always had the idea of leaving in his head. I think that after James tried to kill me and he saw me in the hospital, that's really when the thought became a thorn in his side, if you will.

"At my birthday party… I got a paper cut. Your uncle Jasper tried to get to me." I distinctly noticed that she chose her words about Jazz carefully, as if she was afraid I'd get frightened. "It was after that that your father left me. Three days later to be exact.

"You see, the birthday part reminded him of how human and fragile I was. He knew there was a great chance that a day _would_ come when I did get hurt bad enough to not recover. He realized he wouldn't be able to sit idly back and let me die. He knew that he'd end up changing me.

"Your father believed, at the time, that becoming a vampire meant you lost your soul. It was the last thing he ever wanted for me. He decided that he wanted me to live a happy human life, even at the risk of dying young. To him, dying at seventeen would have been better than living an eternity of night. So he left me."

I distinctly noticed that my mother became numb at her next words. I would soon learn how fitting that was. "It literally nearly destroyed us both, Nessie. We weren't the same without each other. We weren't whole. I tried to embrace the numbness, my 'zombie stage.' Anything was better than feeling the pain. If it hadn't been for all the people who loved me, I probably would have killed myself. I was just going through the motions of life. Not living it. Jacob _did_ help me immensely. But it was like…

"It was like a tornado had taken place. It felt like the tornado had taken everything away from me. My home, my possessions, my world. Jacob in my life was debris that was left over. That I was holding onto, while the tornado tried to pull me in its depths. And even with Jacob the tornado was inevitable…" She trailed off for a moment, to a place I assumed nobody would ever want to go. "And I was so certain that I could do this calmly."

It was only then that I realized that I was crying. I dabbed at the traitor tears.

"Nessie just know that I'll be damned before I see you or Jacob go through anything like that." She spoke calmer now, but it was hard to misplace the conviction in my mother's voice.

"Do you really think it would be like that for us?"

"Renesemee, I'm trying my best to let you live your own life. But I have to put my foot down at this. You're going to destroy both of your lives. You have to stop thinking the way you are. Maybe you _should_ talk to your father about this." She seemed to say the last part more to herself than to me.

"It's just so hard, Mom!" I wailed. "If it weren't for us, Jacob would have been human. I already _have_ destroyed his life!"

"Nessie, Nessie, Nessie!" She was trying her best to calm me. "You're _wrong_. Take this from someone who's gone through what would be Jacob's side of the line. If he wanted to, he would have left a long time ago. If you remove him now, you _will _die inside. And I don't know if you'd be able to find someone to hold _you _or Jake together. You'll lose your minds more so than Edward and I did.

"Renesmee, I was risking my life. I found a tick in my mind, that if I did stupid, dangerous, and reckless things that I could imagine his voice. So I did do them. I would wrap my arms around _myself_. When your father left I felt like a huge hole had been cut out of me, that if I didn't hold myself together I'd fall apart. I woke up screaming from nightmares of his leaving every night…" She trailed off to take a deep breath. I could tell she was near hysteria just by talking about it. "Do you really want to put you and Jake through all of that, and more? I went through a lot more than _that_. Your father and I both did."

"This is it, isn't it? The major crossroad of my life. No matter what I decide… it's going to alter me, isn't it?"

My mom smiled some; I thought it a strange reaction to the tenor of my words. "You've already figured it out. You're perceptive, sweetie." She smiled even more at that, before clearing her throat. "If you choose to let Jacob go, to leave the stability of your life, to leave _normal_… things will change indefinitely. And once you leave _normal_, you can't go back."

"What are you saying?" I said, hysteria starting to join my voice.

"Things may have worked out for the best for Edward and me eventually, Nessie. But there were consequences we had to face because of that mistake. The pain we all went through with the love triangle that was created, certain battles even, knowing the pain that Edward and I feel without each other. We can't be apart anymore; we freak out if we are. And knowing what it _is_ like to be apart… if we ever are separated by death we promised each other that we would follow the other somehow. I don't want you to know that feeling of pain, Nessie. I know that I can't live in a world where your father doesn't exist. And I can't be sure if my reactions to that are wrong. Still, it's inexcusable to be willing to leave you alone."

I knew that her words were what she was trying to use to convince me to fix things with Jake. But the truth was her actions spoke to me more than the words. The way she could barely speak them, the way she'd fidget at certain things, the different emotions in her face, in her voice.

I loved Jake too much to allow him to go through those sorts of actions. Maybe the problem was that I loved my friend too much. I wanted to protect him. But I'd be a fool to think I could protect him from everything. That didn't mean I wouldn't try.

"You're right, Mom. I'll tell Jacob the truth. I have to protect him from that."

She hugged me so tight, it probably rivaled a newborn vampire's strength. "Thank you."

"It may have to wait though. It's the twenty-third, right? Isn't Tanya's family coming to visit today? I sort of last track of time."

"Are they? I wonder if Alice was trying to surprise _me_. I haven't seen Tanya in so long… maybe everyone's really at the airport."

I shook my head. My mother and Tanya's recent friendship was a wonder to me. I used to think the two would _never_ be friends. Seeing as how Tanya used to have a thing for my father, and that was putting it mildly.

As if on cue, said family strolled in faster than I could ever dream of (a disadvantage to being a half vampire). I noticed that my mother hugged Tanya tightly.

That was the last thing I really noticed, though, for I went to do something that I'd just recently thought that I wouldn't.

I rudely walked by my family, immediate and extended alike. I barely could mouth the words 'Merry Christmas' back to all who said the early message to me.

At the end of the 'line,' I finally found who I was looking for. "Jacob, can we talk, please?"

He smiled his most Jacob smile. I knew that he'd used a lot of effort to put it there. "Are you going to break up with me again?"

I frowned dejectedly. "Jake, I didn't-"

"I'm sorry, Nessie. I was kidding." He patted the couch seat left to him, and I obediently sat beside him. "What do you want to talk about?"

"Actually, can you hold that thought? I think I'm going to make us some hot cocoa."

He eyed me skeptically. "Since when do you like hot cocoa? I thought you preferred mountain lions."

"Hahaha." Why did he have to figure out my sidestep so easily!? Without speaking further I quickly got up and made the drinks. I could down a thing of human food for my Jacob.

When I got done he once again motioned for me to sit beside him, whilst taking his drink out of my hands.

"I lied about everything, Jacob. I'm sorry. It's just- I don't want you to risk everything for me. I want you to be able to be human. We vampires are the ones that make you change…"

He placed one finger to my lips to silence me. "I know, Nessie. I was thinking about it some, and to be honest, I realized you're to selfless to have meant what you said."

He'd known? Then why had he let me beat myself up for a week? It was a good question, but not an angry one. I leaned my head on his shoulder, finally being able to relax.

"Do you ever feel that things were easier when I was a baby?"

Jacob snorted. "Why would I think that? The Volturi wanted to kill you as a baby."

"Things were more natural between us then. I bet if no one else would have survived, and you would have taken me to safety, I bet things would still have been natural despite it. There _must _be something wrong with me, if good things taint normalcy in me. It was so much easier when I didn't have to think about right and wrong. When things were less complicated."

"You listen here, young lady." We both laughed at Jake's words. "_I'm_ the adult here. So you leave those sorts of thoughts to me! And enjoy your hot chocolate."

I could do that. The hot chocolate part anyway. Taking a sip, I realized I _could_ down human food for my favorite werewolf. It wasn't so bad. Maybe it'd make us both feel more human.

"That's complicated for you, isn't it?" Jake asked.

My desire to allow Jake to feel human was not completely gone. And I wouldn't let him ruin this simpler act by his too right guesses. I took another sip, only to feel disgruntled when Jacob laughed at me.

"You have some whipped cream on your lips, honey."

I almost squealed in delight. I was glad he put the pieces together to realize I _did_ want him to call me that. After all it was the only way I'd ever like honey. Or maybe not…

I brought my fingers to smear off the whipped cream. But he stopped me. And before I knew it he'd kissed it off.

"Mistletoe, he explained quickly.

"Jake, I…"

"No, _I'm_ sorry." _He_ sidestepped this time.

"Things are complicated." At first I didn't realize I'd said it out loud.

"I'm sorry," he apologized again.

"But it's like you said: the time when things were more natural was full of nightmares. I don't mind things being complicated anymore. It's what brought us to where we are now."

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**Author's Note: **Ugh. Sorry for the late update, I had major writer's block. And I do in fact hate this. But I needed to post something. Even if I did fail epically. I think the best part of this for me was getting to talk to my lovely beta, Qwi-Xux. Go read her stuff, it's way better than this. LOL. And this concludes the Jacob portion of the story. On to Josh, stay tuned!


	12. Chapter 11: I Bruise Easily

"**I Bruise Easily"**

Everyone seemed to think that I took after my mother. When Christmas arose so did another opportunity to point this out.

I did _not _like getting gifts.

People already gave me their love. In my book they shouldn't have been required to give more. That was the way I'd been raised, anyway. Mainly it was because my mother's feelings mirrored my own.

In the end, I was glad that the Denali Coven insisted on giving me _simple_ things only. Eleazar and Carmen had both given me a five carot white gold necklace with an 'R' for 'Renesmee' attached to it. They had claimed that it had been in the family for a long time… but was I _really_ supposed to believe that? It was an 'R!' What were the chances? Anyway, it totally outshined the necklace from Aro my mother had given me. Once again, it may have been more of a matter of opinion…

Shiny… much to my disdain I _did_ have to admit to myself that I did in fact like shiny things.

Tanya had ended up giving me a red Shaw, made from the fabric she'd used in a bull fight that she'd won as a _human_. I _never_ would have seen that one coming.

Garret and Kate both gave me a purple notebook embedded with sapphires; it even spelled 'Nessie' across the front. There was no way of convincing myself that they hadn't bought it specifically for me. I had taken the gift grudgingly.

The two newly-mated vampires both knew what an avid reader I was. It was for this reason that they thought that I would have wanted a journal. They had been absolutely right. It was a great pastime to be able to record my thoughts about my favorite books.

Though the gifts of my extended family had been extravagant, it was nothing compared to the ones from my immediate family. I usually tried to distract such thoughts. My parents (though I'd be willing to venture it was mostly from my father, since my mother shared my feelings) had paid to have a star named after me! I could never look at the Little Dipper the same way again!

Proving that in fact money doesn't make the best gifts, Jake's present to me had been the most spectacular of all. He had _made_ me a glass charm (the rapidly healing scars proving the homemade part) in the shape of a Dalmatian. I couldn't even imagine how hard it would have been to carve the individual spots. I truly didn't deserve it, and had tried to tell him as much when he gave it to me.

"_101 Dalmatians_ was the first movie we ever watched together; besides, I'll always be _your_ dog: loyal, friendly, and energetic."

I was at the point of tears when he'd explained his reasons for making my favorite Christmas present. I sure loved my Jakey.

"You're thinking about Josh, aren't you?" Said loved one brought me back to the present.

"I just hate that we'll have to lie to him. I'm not that good at lying anyway."

Jacob smiled sympathetically at me before I was pulled into numerous hugs. "Bye, little keeper of _mi amor_," Carmen said. I answered her back with equal emotion. I always missed the Denali Coven so strongly when they were gone.

And too soon they were exactly that.

It had been a good Christmas. Charlie and Sue had visited _us_ this year, and even some of the wolf pack had visited. Jacob had been ecstatic to see his father, Billy. There had been so much mirth that I'd forgotten about the Josh situation until now.

My _mom_, however, had been the most joyous of all. It still shocked her how much she was able to keep as a vampire. She was just so glad that her father, the Quileutes, and the pack got to be part of our lives. I wondered if I'd love my loved ones even more if _I_ had ever felt the danger of losing them.

Once again, Jacob brought me back to where I was supposed to be. "Did you get Josh a present?"

"No. I don't think we're close enough for that. I haven't even spoken to him ever since I came out of my coma." _Then why do you care about him so much, if you're not that close?_ I wanted to ask myself.

"I'm sure he'd love a present from you, Ness. Who wouldn't?" At that he pointed at the beanie hat I had made for him. It spelled Jake with a paw print font.

"Thanks for saying that. But I don't think things can be the same again between us. I'm going to have to lie to him. Somehow or another he'll find out I'm being less than truthful. It'll create a rift between us."

"What does that have to do with-?"

"Why give him even _more_ pain by getting closer to each other and then torn apart?"

Jacob pulled me into his arms then. I was starting to get dizzy off of his scent; all my qualms had suddenly disappeared. "You're so selfless, Nessie. It's unnatural. But I think you're worrying too much. Life's too short for us not to let our full feelings out. 'There is nothing evil in this world, but thinking makes it so.' Maybe the same principal applies with bad things happening. Maybe over thinking is what causes them to come into fruition. We choose our own destinies, Ness. Choose the one that you want."

I kissed him on the cheek and held onto him with all of my strength. "I love ya, Jake."

"I know, honey, and now your Christmas can be truly complete." I wanted to ask how he knew that I'd considered my Christmas incomplete without Josh, but after a moment I thought better of it. In a lot of ways, Jacob knew me better than I knew myself.

"So what kind of Christmas gift do you think I should get him?" I was just moments away from jumping up and down on the couch in full-fledged glee.

"Why don't you _make_ him a book holder? Didn't you say that he got engulfed in good books easily?" I swear, Jacob Black was just begging me for a thank you kiss. God, I loved him.

I just might have kissed him too, if there would have been more mistletoe. He was such a genius! I couldn't believe I'd forgotten that aspect of Josh's character. It had shocked me greatly when I discovered my favorite jock loved books as much as I did. He outshined Jacob in _that_ likeness of me.

"That's a great idea, Jacob. But it's after Christmas, you know? Besides, it'd be a surprise…"

"Nessie you are- you and your mom are the only people who don't really like surprises. Josh would most likely kill for one." I had to admit to myself that he had a point. My mother and I were very similar. Except in this instance we didn't like gifts for different reasons.

My mom's detest for them… it came from knowing that most people used surprises as a window, a window that allowed them to be able to give her the sort of gifts she usually put her foot down about. She also hated that they put her in the spotlight.

I only hated surprises because it was impossible to surprise anyone in my family!

Jacob mock gasped. "You're going to taint your own ideals? Aren't you just dying to finally be able to surprise someone?"

"I suppose a surprise would be tolerable just this once."

Jacob laughed and ruffled my hair.

"Nessie," I heard Alice sing. "We're going shopping tomorrow."

"Sure thing. But why the suddenness?" I questioned.

"Because you owe me after what I'm going to do for you… I'm going to distract Esme so she doesn't kill you when you massacre her trees."

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"Hello, Cullen residence." My mother was thrilled at her words. She was still so pleased to be counted among this family. It was another thing that was remarkable to her – how many of her dreams had come true. "It's for you, Renesmee." In an instant her voice had become somber. I took the phone immediately.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Nessie."

Josh was trying to be pleasant, but I could easily note the strain in his voice. "Josh, what's wrong!?" I demanded.

"Let's just say this time of year we both seem to be danger magnet prone."

"Seriously, what happened!?"

"Motorcycle accident; I'm in the hospital now. I'm sorry for bothering you. I'm just extremely bored, you see?"

"I didn't know you rode motorcycles."

Jacob, who was standing near me, laughed for a reason I wasn't sure of. I effectively ignored him.

"I really don't, hence the crashing."

"I'll be there as soon as I can, and I'll be sure to have Carlisle look after you." Josh was going to say something but I hung up before he got the chance.

As if on cue, Carlisle had come to stand before me in a fraction of a second. "I take it there's a patient you want me to view?"

"Would you?" I asked realizing too late that I'd promised Josh Carlisle's help without first _asking_ Carlisle.

"Of course, let's go."

"Yes, let's us _three_ go." Jacob corrected. I eyed him accusingly but he didn't falter once. "I told you, Nessie, I do pretty much trust Josh now. Besides, I wouldn't begrudge him visitors. Lord knows he'll need _someone_ there that's not making a big fuss over him, since we both know you along with the hospital will be making one. Besides, you're a fun driver. This gives me an excuse to go on a car ride with you."

"You're right. It wouldn't be fun if we were all crammed into Carlisle's car with his medical supplies. As you know I _love_ to drive, it's a win-win. Perhaps that's what makes me a fun driver?" I jumped up to hug Jake before he could decipher that. "Thanks for everything, Jake."

"Anything for you, Ness."

"Welp, let's go old man." I took his hand whilst bringing the age game back into play. Jacob bonked me on the back of my head. My laughter could have been heard miles away.

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I blinked a few times upon seeing Josh. I was trying to remember what his story for his injuries had been. It was clear to me that a motorcycle accident was _not_ the answer. Therefore Josh couldn't have said that or he would have been lying.

Jacob led me through the archway to his room. The two of us were so in synch that I knew he was trying to signal me to disregard my suspicions. Unfortunately, I'd gained a bad personality trait from both of my parents: stubbornness.

"So motorcycle accident, huh?" I could hear the sarcasm like a bell in my voice.

Josh – like Jacob – was good at _not_ faltering. "Yeah, you know how people say not to ride on rocky slopes…"

"I can see why. Riding in itself would be quite an achievement since 'you really don't' ride. Why push your luck even more, right?"

Jacob squeezed my hand in a warning. But I readily disregarded it. I should have known that he wasn't one to give up…

"Ness, why don't you and I get Josh something from the vending machine? I'm sure Josh is getting tired of hospital food."

Reluctantly I gave in to his whims. We had only been in the hall for a short amount of time before I found myself whirling around on Jacob. "It's so obvious that he's protecting his father. You can _see _the fingerprints on the bruises. We might as well be assisting his father in the abuse by not telling anyone!" I wanted to hit something.

"You can't right all the wrongs in the world, Nessie. Especially if some don't want the wrongs righted."

I glared at him incomprehensibly. "This isn't you! I don't know _who_ it is."

"Nessie, most kids that are abused end up thinking that's the way things are supposed to be. Josh would never testify against his father in court and we wouldn't win the case. Usually I'd be all for trying to get around that, but something doesn't seem right about this."

"Even so," I growled, "we should still try!"

"You can't right all the wrongs in the world. We are only human." I wasn't quite able to laugh at his joke. "Besides, most kids' foster homes end up worse than their real home."

"I can at least try to make it right. You'd better go get Josh some food." I laughed darkly.

This did not go unnoticed by Josh. "Nessie?" I sauntered back into the hospital room arrogantly after I heard his call. It was time to lay my cards on the table. "Josh, I know this wasn't a motorcycle accident. I know it was abuse from your always drunk father. I can _see_ the fingerprints in your bruises!"

"It wasn't my father and there are no fingerprints, Nessie!" He didn't sound like he was lying. Maybe only the eyes of mythical creatures could pick up the marks. It would explain why the hospital had bought his story so well.

"I know what I know, Josh. And I'm going to prove it with or without your help."

"I didn't ask questions about your coma and I don't plan to. Couldn't you let _this_ go for me?" Unfortunately, I did owe it to my family to get the spotlight off of our weirdness. Carlisle walked in the room at my thought. It was like the gesture was being used to show me where my loyalty should lie. Damn it all!

"Hi, I'm Carlisle. I heard you had a motorcycle accident?" Carlisle was dazzling Josh and as always the effort worked. It even worked long enough for the mask to fall off his face and reveal the motorcycle story was exactly that, a story. I _would_ stop asking him questions. But I wouldn't let this go. I wasn't capable of it. Jake was absolutely right, there was something wrong about this situation.

Still… all of that seemed like nothing when I looked into Carlisle's eyes and they shone betrayal.

The betrayal was _not_ about him. I had to try very hard to convince myself that I was just imagining a wolf's pained howl in the background.

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**Author's Note: **I feel that I really need to stress something… I do NOT agree in keeping silent about something such as abuse at all. If you or someone you love is in fact being hurt by family or friends you need to TELL someone. The only reason Jacob was against this is because he had a very strong feeling that Josh's father truly wasn't abusive. Nessie too realizes there actually is a large chance that Jacob's right, plus she can't prove it so she keeps her mouth shut too. I'll spoil something right now: Josh's father is not the one who hurt him. See? I do not assist in abuse through silence at all.

Ahem, I am extremely sorry about how long it has been since I last updated. There's no excuse except for life getting in the way. I actually have the next chapter already typed out. I also have the chapter after that hand written out, and part of a third one hand written out. You can very well expect those posts a LOT sooner. LOL. The name of this chapter by the way - it's named after Natasha Bedingfield's song "I Bruise Easily."

Also if any of you were curious as to how Nessie knew which hospital Josh was at, it was because she could hear certain sounds in the background. Let's face it; she'd probably be at Carlisle's hospital a lot to help out or whatever. Hope that didn't confuse anyone. Also the quote Jacob used in here was of Shakespeare. Has he been taking lessons from Edward? A gajillion of thanks still goes to my amazing Qwi-Xux. Review if you don't hate me. I still love all of _you_. May the light guide you all;)


	13. Chapter 12: Stages

**Stages**

It was hard to believe five months had passed so quickly. After our fight in the hospital I had thought that things would never be exactly as they had been. I had been right. They'd gotten better. Josh and I had bonded over my "sarcastic, crazy attitude" that day. I still thought that I was right, but was unable to prove it. Josh hadn't shown any injuries lately so I reluctantly let the whole thing go.

What I _hadn't_ let go of was my and Jacob's quarrel. Jacob and I had both felt sort of betrayed by one another. He had been upset that I hadn't valued his opinion, and I was seeing the once again "mysterious Josh."

I, on the other, hand felt betrayed that he wasn't trying to help the dangerous situation that I'd suspected Josh to be in. Mostly I'd just been hurt he hadn't been willing to believe me. Other than that the two of us were doing great! Or at least that was what I liked to tell myself.

I paused my mind's rant long enough to hear Rosalie's verbal one. "It's just ridiculous!" she exclaimed. "He _needs_ to ask me to prom!"

I laughed slightly, but regained my composure quickly for Rose's benefit. "I thought the prom was girl's choice here."

"It is. It always is _everywhere_. And that means that I always have to ask Emmett! I want to be asked for once!"

I laughed again; it just really couldn't be helped. "I think you may be overacting just a little, Aunt Rosie. I'm sure that Emmett's confused that you didn't ask him. Just let me talk to him and we'll sort this all out, alright?"

Rosalie smiled crookedly. It was just so hard to not eventually pick up that trait. "Sounds good, Kiddo. So have you thought about who _you_ want to ask to prom?"

I'd officially fallen into a landmine. My answer would not go over well. "I was thinking maybe…Josh?"

To my shock, Rosalie smiled again. "He's a good choice. You won't be together forever, so you might as well make the most of it."

"What… do you mean?" My words came out half-strangled.

"I know that you two aren't mated, Nessie. You don't want him to be a vampire, and that shows that you aren't. I just don't want you to get hurt over something that will never be."

I'd wanted to argue that she couldn't be right due to my parents' story. My father had wanted my mother to be changed, but the truth was we all knew that he truly had wanted her to be a vampire.

"You see," Rosalie continued. "I think you should go to the prom with Josh because you're receiving the rare opportunity to seem human right now; it's something none of us would want to miss out on.

"But I think you should choose Jacob as well."

"Thanks, Rose. I have to go." I needed to run from the room as fast as I could. I couldn't bear to hear the reasoning for _that_. Had he stopped the blond jokes completely? Had they seriously become like brother and sister?

Today was seriously not my day. I had been doing my best to avoid Jacob. But lo and behold, my efforts had been wasted: he was in our game room with my father. I stepped back quickly, praying that they hadn't noticed me. Amazingly enough, it didn't seem like they knew that I was eavesdropping. They carried on with their conversation undistracted.

"It's just ridiculous. It's been five whole months! I should have known that if anything could create a wedge between us it'd be that Ugondey kid." Jacob forcefully sent a cue ball flying into the wall, smashing the plaster with its force.

My father and I both rolled our eyes; clearly he didn't know the wrath that Esme could bestow if you destroyed her things.

My father gently removed the cue stick (as not to irritate him further) from Jake and placed it on the pool table. "I don't know if I'm exactly the person you want to be having this conversation with, Jacob. But if I were you, I'd do something nice for Josh. It would win her trust back that way. You need to show her that you're bigger than the situation and that you value her feelings."

"Let me guess… you've used that before? Like I don't know when, maybe in our fight for Bella?"

"It worked." The two playfully punched each other's shoulders. The childlike behavior that Jacob could bring about in people! "Ah, it seems that Alice's suddenly 'black' future agrees with my plan as well. Just please, don't sneak out and take her along with you. It is a school night, after all."

"Sure, sure, I would never do anything that would keep Nessie from her dreams."

I could just guess that my father had raised his eyebrow before voicing his next words, "Like you didn't when you two snuck out last time?"

I couldn't believe he'd known about it and never said anything. Apparently Jake was shocked too. "You knew about that!?"

"For the longest time you, Nessie, Rose, Alice and you were trying _not_ to think about it. It was pretty obvious." He laughed. "So are we done here?"

"Telling me to do something nice for Josh, check. Yeah, it would seem that way."

As soon as Jake had turned around my father did something that left me gaping. He _winked_ at me! He had known that I was near after all.

The nerve of some people! Talking about me as if I were old news, especially when some people (cough) my father (cough) knew that I was there. Then again, it was sweet that Jake was trying so hard to "win me back." It made sense that my father wanted me to see that. It had been a sweet spectacle.

I couldn't make myself feel mad any longer.

I'd been playing well enough today. As far as I was concerned there was probably no harm in trying to continue that. I skillfully positioned myself so that when Jacob walked out of the room I would fall into him.

Needless to say, he was extremely shocked when I _did _in fact fall into him. With our extra heightened senses we mythical creatures were never taken by surprise by anyone. It should have been painfully obvious to him that I'd planned the entire affair. However, Jacob placed me on a pedestal on which I didn't belong. He would never even once consider that I was capable of something so silly.

He shook his head in a dazed manner and then let it down solemnly. My heart broke at the sight. Strangely, I didn't even think he noticed he performed the sad gesture.

Even stranger, I thought it best to keep my knowledge of his pain a secret.

Jacob may have been wrong in some ways, but I was just as guilty of acting out. I needed to make amends with him. Suddenly I'd all but forgotten my reason for "accidentally" running into my Jacob. He deserved better than the impromptu apology I'd planned.

I made certain that I'd truly heard his motorcycle drift away before I moved forward with my plan. I needed to call Josh, and even though I wished to avoid my next conversation with him altogether, I didn't have a choice. This call needed to be made.

I'd always hated calling our school's star quarterback. The whole thing seemed silly to me now; the whole thing just seemed to have gotten immensely easier. Maybe even I was beginning to believe he'd never been abused.

It took about twelve rings before I barely heard him whisper, "Hello?"

"Hey, Josh… umm, this is going to sound really weird, but Jacob's heading over to your house right now. You see, I was wondering if you'd maybe like to go to prom with me. I know that its girl's choice, but Jacob's coming over to give you his sort of blessing to ask me or whatever, so yeah…"

He laughed at my deformed sentence. "I would love to go to prom with you, Nessie. And I'll do my best to help Jacob with his transgression."

"I'm not going to take you, Josh." Jacob needed me more and for him I would eagerly throw away all of my wants. Josh didn't speak so I continued, "I still want you to approach Jacob the same way you were planning on it… but I need to go to prom with him. If it'll help his pain…"

"Don't worry, Ness. It's fine. See you there!"

The different stages were set. Now all that was left was to play the scene out. But what kind of performance would it be?

Lightning abruptly struck before Josh had hung up. On the other end of the line I would have sworn, that I heard a female's voice. "Forget about me! Don't give him what he wants!" This was no play, this was _real_. "Don't save me." The line went dead.

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**Author's Note: **Please don't kill me! I know that it's short, but I promise that the next chapter totally makes up for that! Anyway, I thought that this was a boring chapter. I just really wanted to show Nessie/Rosalie, and Jacob/Edward's relationships with each other. And of course I also had to set up the prom in this one. Of course I couldn't resist adding a bit of the plot's mystery at the end either.^^ And if anyone's confused why Nessie asked Josh to prom, and then said she was taking Jacob… it's because she was getting Josh in the proper mind set to play out the "scene" she wanted him to with Jacob. She wants it to be some huge surprise when she asks Jake to prom. Sorry for any confusion that might have caused. And Edward's reference of them sneaking out was from Chapter 7: Home, if anyone forgot. I actually planned on him telling that he knew despite their efforts of hiding it a lot sooner. LOL. It just kept getting sidetracked. Tons of thanks of course goes to Qwi-Xux whose job as my beta I made easier this week. LOL. Review, and may the light guide you all. Seriously, I promise next chapter's a LOT longer (longest one I've written this far) and better. Until next time, Shanna.


	14. Chapter 13: Prom

**Prom**

I stood protectively near Jacob while he glanced at the various corsages placed in Sakura's Cherry Blossoms. He didn't exactly know what he was doing. I didn't want anyone thinking badly of him because of it.

"I don't know. Why don't you just pick, Ness?"

"No way! I'm not even supposed to be with you when you buy this. Besides, the deal was that you would pretend I _wasn't_ here, remember?"

It was officially the day before the prom, and Jacob and I had decided to spend as much time together this day as possible. After all, we wouldn't be seeing much of each other tomorrow until we actually went to the prom; I knew Alice was already planning on willingly kidnapping me and Rose. She would actually have to kidnap my mother; there was no way she'd agree to all of the hair and makeup preparation.

"But I already fumbled up asking you. I want this prom to be right. It's my first prom too, you know. Well, unless you count when I crashed your parents' Junior Prom."

I did feel sympathy for him; his first prom hadn't been perfect… but he did _not _fumble asking me.

After the day he'd gone and spoken to Josh, I had come to this very store and bought an assortment of colored roses. Proving my father right, I had snuck "out" again. I hadn't gone somewhere with Jacob, though. I had scaled the side of the house and snuck up into his room where I had played the role of the suitor. I had gotten down on one knee and everything. "Jakey," I had begun. "I'd be much obliged to seek your hand in going to the prom. Will you go with me?"

He'd stuttered out a "Yes," before enveloping me in a nice hug. The warmest kind of hug I had ever partaken in. He had _not_ messed up the invitation.

"It was girl's choice, remember?" I simply had to assure him of the perfection of the initiation of us going to prom together.

"So it was." He smiled his most Jacob smile and my heart did a little flip-flop as a result.

"I'm not letting you off the hook picking my corsage." I placed my hand over my eyes to prove my point, and hoped to hide my gigantic smile in the process. If Jacob saw it he would have known he could make me do anything he wanted. And I would not be forced to rethink this corsage situation.

"Ness-" He trailed off nervously.

"My dress is yellow-green." I would give him a hint but that was all.

"Some of these look the same. Why are some more expensive then their look-alikes?"

Bizarrely enough, I smiled wider. It was so sweet how much he wanted to please me with this little tradition.

I tapped my hands on my forehead about twenty times before he removed my hands from over my eyes. I felt the strangest draw as he held my hands. He raised both of my hands to his lips and kissed each of the fingertips.

I ended up closing my eyes again, and leaning my head back a little. I just felt so content, so right. All too soon he released my wrists. "Let's go, Ness."

I followed after Jacob as fast as I was able. We were walking so close that our arms were brushing with every step. I felt closer to him than I ever had before; it wasn't enough.

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"Are you _absolutely_ sure you're my mother?"

The person I swore was a doppelganger smiled at me in the mirror. "It's a tradition, Renesmee. A mother is supposed to help her daughter get ready for prom. I would regret it if I didn't."

"I have to say that I was surprised too, Nessie. I didn't know she had it in her to do your hair so well." My mother glared at Alice's words.

Rosalie and I both laughed. "Alice didn't even want to let her try. It wasn't until Bella threatened to throw all of Alice's credit cards and money away that she agreed," Rosalie let out amongst giggles.

Rose and I both exchanged a knowing glance at that. There was only one way to get under Alice's skin. "So," I began, "How did _you_ get convinced to go to prom, Mom?"

I had to stifle a laugh, asking my mother that had reminded me of the whole Emmett and Rose situation. I knew that Rose had been overreacting. Emmett had asked her to prom almost immediately after she'd raged on about him not asking. Though I professed to know Rosalie, I was only fooling myself in thinking that my connection to her was stronger than Emmett's.

"Sex, probably," Rose guessed with a laugh.

"I say she's going to remain inconspicuous," Alice said.

"I like dancing, but only when it comes to Edward." I gaped at my mother's words. She'd certainly changed from the stories I'd been told about her.

"So," I began hoping to get off any topic that might reveal some of my parents' sex life. "Why am I the one getting ready first?"

"Because it's your first prom." Rosalie looked from painting my nails to give me another knowing look. That statement truly had said it all.

"Have you hunted recently, Nessie?" my mother asked abruptly.

"Yeah."

"Are you sure? There will be a lot of people there…"

"I doubt it," I laughed. "It will probably only be about the same number of people from school. Not everyone enjoys proms, you know."

I began to feel uneasy when my mother just didn't let the situation go. "Still, people will have dates from other places; there will be different scents. You may find one more appealing-"

"It's fine!" I hadn't meant to snap at her. I just didn't want my one night of a perfect human façade to be dragged down. I already only had until midnight. Just like a hopeless fairytale.

When my mother shot Alice a glance, I began to worry that perhaps I should heed their warning more.

"You look beautiful, Nessie."

I almost fell out of my chair. How had Jacob snuck up on me? I blamed all of the hair products for masking his scent.

I quickly glanced back at my mother and aunts. I could tell by their faces that they'd planned this. If I would have walked downstairs to join him, as custom, I knew that I would have been a little disappointed that the person I truly wanted to go with wasn't the one waiting for me, for that was a cliché - but still wanted - custom too.

The way _this _moment had been orchestrated, though…the surprise of it all had only left me with the best happiness.

I smiled goofily as Jake scanned me. My dress was a strapless yellow-green that fell above my knees before flaring out. My hair had been straightened (not an easy thing to do) and placed in a sort of ponytail, though most of it was now straight there was still some curls that hung.

I blushed when Jacob fell down to the floor and pulled me down with him. He put my corsage on me with the utmost care. "It matches your beautiful eyes. And the green specks match your dress as well as your dad's human green eyes. I know it makes you sad that you have know way of knowing what they looked like, but just for tonight you might be able to find out. Mysterious things happen at midnight. Hold onto this substitute – colored flower until then." Jacob kissed my hand, and I blushed like a tomato.

"Get out of here, you! I have more makeup magic to work." I laughed at Alice while Jacob and I jumped from her window in glee.

The moon, though quite not out yet, set off the diamonds on my corsage beautifully. I couldn't help but turn my wrist many different ways hoping to reflect the diamonds in the dim light. The diamonds almost sparkled as beautifully and dramatically as my vampire family. It was eventually Jake who had to still my hands. I was just so lost in this perfect moment that I'd almost ruined it. I'd almost kissed Jacob. Fortunately Rosalie had led us back inside before it would have happened.

It was just ironic. A moment ago I'd been about to promise myself to Jacob. And now I was wondering if it was possible for a Vampire Hybrid to be bisexual. Alright, so I really wasn't. My mother and aunts just looked so lovely!

Alice wore a strapless royal blue formfitting dress that flared out at the bottom. The dress was also ordained with a see-through lighter blue material that draped from her arms. Her usual spiky hair had been straightened, and a crystal beret pinned it back.

Rosalie's dress was also strapless. It was white with a gold trim, and of course part of the waistline had been cut out so to show off her flawless stomach. Her hair was curled and braided in various places in a Native American looking sort of way.

And then there was my mother. She wore an elegant looking ballroom gown. It was a pale yellow with the top just resting above her chest. Flowers were embodied on the entire upper part of the dress, and the sleeves draped at her wrists. Her hair had been curled in a sort of messy looking way that shortened the length of her locks to just above her shoulders.

I watched enjoyably as my uncles and father ran eagerly to their mates to exchange greetings. It didn't take long for my interest to end up otherwise piqued. Jacob appeared in front of me and I suddenly found it hard to breathe. The black and white parts of his tux equally set off his features perfectly; when he smiled it looked like he was glowing.

I quickly distracted myself by putting my gift to him on the jacket of his tux. He laughed upon noticing the chocolate color this flower held as well.

"Great minds think alike?" He laughed at that before daintily dragging me into his big arms.

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I had a strong feeling of nostalgia when we entered the double doors. Once again, I felt maybe like I ought to have listened to my mother's words more carefully. There was just something that made one feel uneasy in this jungle décor.

"Let's go find Josh!" I exclaimed while pulling Jacob with me. I seriously needed to find some way to override my worried feelings; I was hoping Josh would hold the key to that.

And all my feelings did turn to naught when I saw him. "Hey, Ness!" he called out.

I gasped when I saw how beautiful he looked. His usually unruly blond hair seemed to give him no challenge tonight. He also looked tanner somehow too. To me, with him all decked out with his tux, he looked like a younger and blond Ken doll.

"You look great!" He smiled timidly at me despite the fact that his voice had been very loud and confident.

"_You_ look great!' I was finally able to gasp out. Why did I sound like I was incapable of speaking?

"I don't look as good as Jake, though. There's something supernatural about the way he looks."

_He doesn't know anything! _I had to keep repeating that in my head to keep from freaking out. With a great amount of effort I was finally able to act normal. "I think you both look great."

"I still think Jacob looks better." Josh laughed. I just shrugged; it'd seem weird to not defend my date, but…

"Hey, I went to get some punch and look who I ran into." Jake seemed excited?

"Literally," the girl being mentioned said.

To be honest, my mind was in a whirlwind. I hadn't even noticed that Jacob had left. And I almost squealed when I realized whose meek voice accompanied Jacob.

"Terra!" I shrieked before pulling the girl into a hug. She'd been sick a lot lately. I was worried about her. Everyone had been; she was such a nice little thing.

I almost forgot everything, however. Like what once happened before, the scent of blood on Terra had me frozen in place. It wasn't _her_ blood though. And it was the most appealing scent I'd ever encountered. My throat burned and I could almost feel my eyes turning black.

"What did you mean when you said 'literally'?" Josh asked, curious.

Terra laughed a bit and it seemed strained. Only part of my mind was paying attention to the conversation. The other was trying to find the carrier of this delicious blood that had landed on Terra. I also vaguely noticed Jacob beginning to shake beside me. It made sense; I was going to kill this person and he was charged with trying to save the person that was already collateral damage in my head.

"Well, my date accidentally fell into me. Jacob was walking to the punch bowl and I'd sort of started falling forward then. It caused Jacob to accidentally run into me. He saved both us from falling, but Clyde still fell into the punch bowl a little."

"I should have done better." I could tell his words were a warning to me, to not go after this Clyde. I was too far-gone to care.

"It's not your fault, Jake. You did more than enough."

I almost jumped for joy as Clyde, (I could tell by the forthcoming scent) started walking to Terra. Oddly, it caused Kelly, the prom queen (of course) to break off from her dance with the king.

"He's with you, Terra!?" I was distracted despite myself. Why was she angry with her friend? Especially since she'd been so sick we hadn't seen her in two weeks! Only a moment passed until she was walking past us. When she reached her destination, she directed her rage at Josh. Kelly slapped Josh across the face whilst screaming at him. "The only reason I asked you here tonight was because I thought I'd be able to talk some sense into you. I guess it was a lost cause, because now you're including Terra!? Do you _want_ me to turn you into the FBI? My father…"

"I didn't bring Terra in, Kelly!"

The last of the conversation had become lost to me. Clyde was very close to me now, I was preparing myself to pounce, but Jacob forcefully grabbed my arm and pulled me outside before I could. No one had even noticed my strange actions; Kelly had been too big a distraction for that. Once I was in the cool night air – thinking clearly again, I decided I'd have to send Kelly some sort of gift. I needed to anonymously thank her in unknowingly helping me through this almost committing homicide fiasco. What a bizarre night this had been.

"Jacob, I'm so sorry." I wanted to cry. I had totally ruined the evening.

"It's okay, Nessie. Seeing as what happened to Edward when it came to Bella, and seeing that you're his daughter… I'd been preparing myself for this possibility. I knew that you might find your La Tua Cantante someday. To be honest, I'm starting to wonder which parent you're the most like."

I disregarded Jacob's attempt to distract me. So Clyde had been my blood singer? It certainly made sense. And man, did I feel guilty. I should have paid better attention to my mother and Alice's advice. Where _were_ they? Why had no one come to stop me from losing control? Why had Alice even let me come? It felt good to question them rather than myself. The truth was I already knew all the answers I was seeking; I just wanted to distract myself from acknowledging how much I'd overestimated my control. Ugh. I seriously needed to _not_ think about that.

Clyde probably hadn't been decided on whether or not he was coming to this event at first. I was sure that was the reason that everyone had risked letting me come, and why Alice hadn't seen the outcome beforehand.

The reason I hadn't been stopped was because someone would have noticed if my entire family had come and flagged me away during the Kelly/Josh/Terra thing. My father probably hadn't even heard my thoughts with the jumble of so many thoughts, voices, and music he was undoubtedly hearing. I truly did need to return and figure out what had transpired between my friends. Last time, all things considered, had gone better than expected. I hadn't killed anyone. I just needed to remember not to breathe…

"It's almost midnight. I suppose I can let you have your surprise early." Jacob dragged me alongside the pool before I could protest. I could just barely make out the beautiful reflection of the lights on the water.

"Dad?" I almost passed out from all the night's shock when I saw him in front of the gazebo.

"Hey, Ness."

Scratch that. I _really _almost passed out when Jacob took hold of both of our arms. I thought I heard my mother's bell-like laugh in the background. I wasn't attuned to look.

"Nahuel said that we wolves have defensive powers against you." Jacob stopped slightly at that before continuing. "I already knew that, but anyway, he said I'd be able to reverse your power on you.

"Nessie, you just concentrate on how your power works and try to send it to me. Edward, you think of the image you want her to see and then pass it onto me."

Suddenly there was a jolt and we all three jumped. I, however, did it for joy. I saw my dad's memories! I saw what his eyes looked like when he was human!

At that moment I didn't care that my parents were nearby. All I cared about was the man before me who knew me impossibly well. Only my Jacob would have ever known how much I'd wanted to see my father's human eyes. And without a second thought I kissed him. Hard.

A certain anguish ended up arising in it, because as we kissed I realized something. Part of this surprise had been directed to remedy the evening. Looking back at it: Jacob's tremors when I'd almost lost control, it cut through me, made me feel like I was dead. That was _supposed_ to be his reaction to me. We were natural enemies. I couldn't stand the pain that that fact drew.

As the kiss dragged on I decided that I _would_ let Jacob try to remedy this moment for us. I would try to pretend that everything was right. I clutched onto him tighter and deepened the kiss. It seemed a sad thing that this moment wouldn't last, and we'd have to diagnose certain events later. I was just _much_ happier pretending.

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**Author's Note: **Truth be told I probably should have had Nessie go to the prom with Josh, it would have been more central to the story. I just couldn't allow it though, not for her first prom! Also Alice didn't have a vision about Nessie. That's not possible. She had a vision about Clyde ending up dead, all blood drained from his body. Since she couldn't see any of the full vampires doing it she knew it would have been Nessie. Also, I know that it may seem weird for a Hybrid to be drawn so heavily to someone's scent, but she is Edward's daughter… even then the affect wasn't as big as his. She was still able to concentrate on her friends' conversation. She knew even then that she'd want to know Monday. And I should probably point out that I made up the store, Sakura's Cherry Blossoms, so don't go to Seattle expecting to find it. And for those who don't know, Sakura means Cherry Blossm in Japanese. I just thought it'd be a funny name for the store. I had intended to have more romance in this scene, dancing etc. But it didn't come out that way. Haha wasn't the theme being jungle fitting? I should also point out that technically Jacob didn't fall, that would be out of character, more like Clyde and Terra made all three of them collide. And Nessie's reference to wanting blood from Terra once, it was from Chapter 3: 4, 33, 29. I'm going to try and post pictures on my profile as to what the girls looked like by the way, so look if you're interested. Well, I've clearly babbled enough. Expect a new chappie soon! Much love to Qwi-Xux. May the light guide you all;)


	15. Chapter 14: Dark Blue Unknown

**Dark Blue Unknown**

I had officially become the French maid. I waited on Emmett and Jacob hand and foot as they fought each other in the real world and virtual world.

Jacob and Emmett had bonded easily after Jacob had joined this coven. Mainly it was because they were both glad to have someone new, or just someone in general to compete against.

Only three days had passed since prom and they seemed to be in the playoff of the century. In some ways I was glad that Emmett was distracting Jake. I just wasn't ready to have to think about _us_ yet.

One would have thought that I would have avoided Jacob; (again) the fact that we'd had a full blown kiss would have made the less seasoned me recoil in fear. But I hadn't. Fortunately for us we had been completely able to remedy our prom night; it had been one of the highlights of my existence… err life… whatever. Emmett had even joked at the end of the night that they may have needed a crowbar (or really in his head: many vampires) to pry us apart. I think the whole competition thing had come to be because of that statement.

So I didn't feel uneasy around Jacob. I just mostly felt guilty. Guilty for the pain I'd caused him, guilty for causing the first part of prom to be awful. (Though Josh, Kelly, Terra and Clyde had helped with that. I still didn't know what had transpired between them that night. Kelly had ended up leaving and the rest of the night had gone on with no clash). But mostly I felt guilty knowing that our natural reaction to each other should be violence. There was nothing I could really do about that, but I'd try to make it up to him nonetheless.

This brought back this whole "waiter" issue again. I got Jacob food, I made Jacob food, (my parents and Esme teaching me how to effectively cook) I even gave him massages from time to time. Truthfully I was mostly Jacob's server. The only time I ever assisted Emmett was if he asked me to go find a new boulder they could arm wrestle on or something. Boulders always seemed to transform into dust in this family.

Jacob definitively put a new meaning to food helping you grow. Thankfully, he didn't grow any bigger, but I had to wonder if it was indeed making him stronger. I really hadn't had time to ponder the thought, though. I had to keep running to and from the kitchen.

"I'll bet a thousand on Jacob." Rosalie laughed at the irony of her bet.

I too laughed from inside the kitchen. "I'll bet the same on Emmett then."

"Put me down for seven-hundred on Jacob." We all stared in shock at Esme. She'd never really bet before; she thought it was unkempt behavior on our part. I vaguely wondered if this had signaled some sort of secret word because soon everyone was betting on Jake.

My mother, however, bit her lip apprehensively before she decided, "Emmett." I smiled at her for joining me, but everyone else seemed to frown.

It shocked me when the word "Winner" spread across Emmett's wrestler's side of the screen. Why had Alice bet against Emmett?

"Don't feel bad, kid. I've been playing since before you were born." We all became alive when Emmett said that. Laughter could be heard everywhere.

It shocked me when Jacob didn't immediately demand a rematch, and stalked right pass me to sit next to my mother. "Ness, can you get me a Coke please?"

I just needed to buy a maid's outfit and be done with it. I felt irritated with this charade now. They were hiding something from me.

I stormed into the kitchen loudly with Emmett hot on my heels. It somewhat surprised me that he said no goofy remark about me and my mother rooting for him.

"You really need to calm down, Nessie." My anger truly did make me have off days. I hadn't even noticed Jasper in the room. There really wasn't even a reason for these vampires to be in the kitchen. Jasper sent a whole wave of calm at me. I almost wanted to laugh at that, thinking the reason he did it was because he wanted to erase any chance of me not noticing him again.

"Would either of you like to enlighten me on what I don't know?"

"Well, let's see… the expression at one time really was two pods in a pea; some people still think the TV show _Lost_ had something to do with that 'everyone has a twin' theory, There's a religion with beliefs that solely revolves around a balance in the world. If you spend time with someone with a really light persona, you're also hanging out with someone with a dark one without realizing it…"

"And did you know that there are rumors that vampires can get the Pinocchio nose syndrome?" I interrupted my uncle Emmett.

He laughed at my words. "Technically none of that was a lie, Nessie."

"Yeah, but you know that wasn't what I'd meant."

"It's not his fault if you were less than specific," Jasper pointed out. His face truly was priceless; he looked like a scholar who'd just figured out the secret of the universe.

We all three cracked up at the absurdity of it all.

"Let's just say that certain parents are concerned for their daughter," Emmett suggested.

"But what does that have to do with-"

"Nessie, I think that they're going to be talking for quite a bit of time. I know you get bored without Jacob… why don't you go do something?" I wasn't stupid; I knew Jasper (and everyone for that matter) wanted me out of the house. But I was in an indulging mood; I could give them that.

"Alright, but you two are responsible when my parents freak when they find out about my act of mimicking."

"Mimicking?" They both said at the same time.

"Like my mom when she was bored and freaked, I'm going cliff diving."

-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-

Truly, the cliff diving had been more disastrous for my mother, but I was more durable. I could handle anything. And I'd be able to protect Josh.

At least that's what I told myself when I'd called him and asked (begged) him to meet me all the way to La Push on the very cliff that I was standing on now.

Things were more fun when you weren't alone. And seeing as how I wasn't psychotic like my mother was when she performed her first/only dive into the dark blue unknown, _I _needed companionship when I made this exhilarating jump.

I looked down at the waves only for a quick moment before something clicked into place. My father, he hadn't been with my mother when she rocketed off this cliff. It had been this event that had set the rest of their story into motion. If my mother had never jumped, who knew how different their story might have become? I might not have been born.

I screamed when Josh touched my shoulder. The sort of scary waves had had me transfixed. Was it weird to think they might have been connected to fates?

"Are you sure you want to do this, Nessie? You look like you just saw a ghost."

Haha, if it wasn't for these waves I wouldn't even be that. I would have never existed.

"Yeah, let's do this." I didn't even look at him when I said that. I kept a speculating gaze on the water. Would it be a bad thing to jump off of _this _cliff?

"Hey. Are you alright?" I barely registered his hand on my shoulder. Eventually he forced me (something quite hard for a human to do) to look at him. I could see my scared, lost looking eyes reflecting off of his and it immediately reminded me of his face at prom. Though he'd tried to keep it blank of all emotion, he'd failed.

"Josh. What was that all about at prom?" I got the strangest dose of fear when his eyes ended up looking like mine had only a moment ago. "It's okay." This time I put a reassuring hand on _his_ shoulder. "Tell me what's been going on. I can help you."

"Nothing's been going on."

I started ticking the strange things that had been happening on my fingers. It didn't take words to dispute what he'd said. The evidence was all here: the fact Alice's first vision of him had never come true, the defensive edge Jacob and I used to get when Josh was around, (it was somewhat even more disconcerting it'd disappeared with no warning) his always drunk and angry father, the one memory of Josh's I'd seen in my coma, his injuries, the voice I'd heard on his end of the phone, prom…

It was time to bluff. "Josh, I'm pretty sure I know what's going on here. So _tell_ me, or else."

"Or else what? You'll push me off this cliff?" He tried to joke.

"Or else I'll go to the authorities."

The strangest look crossed his face when I said that. As if it was unavoidable and unhelpful. That look absolutely killed me.

"Just tell me _something_!" I demanded. "What went on at prom, just tell me anything! I want to help you!" I'd be able to handle anything that might be going on in this human's strange life.

"Prom," he finally said. "Terra didn't choose to go to the prom with Clyde or vice versa. He was made to go. Kelly thought it was because of me. She thought it was by the same person who's-"

He didn't finish that sentence. To my utter shock and horror Josh jumped off of the cliff. Oh, why had I ever had this awful idea? Reluctantly I dived in after him as fast as I was able.

I had better eyes than a human, so it shocked me when it seemed a black veil obstructed my vision. It had nothing to do with my eyesight. It was almost like a being!

It pulled back away from me in a sort of oval shape. One second after that altered my very existence. Josh was encased in it! I had barely even acknowledged that when suddenly black beams from the being shot out at me. It grabbed hold of my foot and wouldn't let go. Soon I felt it swarming up my entire leg.

I was constantly reprimanding myself for not thinking this through more. But how was I supposed to have known-

That thought instantly cut off. There was only one thing I could think of now: air. I needed air! I'd never been certain if I needed it to survive. I'd never experimented with not breathing. I was now finding out too late that needing oxygen was one of the human weaknesses I'd inherited.

I was going to die. Josh was going to die too, because I'd brought him out here. My family, and my parents - they too would die figuratively from the pain of losing me.

Worst of all: my Jacob would also figuratively die. He'd no longer exhibit the sun I loved in him so much; his inner sun would burn out.

I hastily looked up, trying to get in one last view of the sun. The vision didn't come.

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"_Nessie, NESSIE! Come on little lovely, love. Don't leave me."_

Cold. I was so cold. I'd never truly been cold in my entire life. Was this Hell? I always thought that Hell was supposed to be hot. Heaven was supposed to be perfect, surely it wouldn't be cold there.

"_Breathe damn you, breathe!"_ I wished that I could cry, for it hurt me not to be able to answer one of the favorite men in my life. I wanted to show him somehow that I cared, that I was fighting.

Alas, it was no use. My tear ducts must have likely frozen from the insane cold. This was so much worse than when I'd been in a coma.

My heart split in two when I heard someone sobbing beside me. Suddenly I didn't want to fight. I wanted to go to Heaven. I'd never thought about it much; after all, I thought I'd never die. But the sobbing sounded so angelic that it had to be from an angel. I would eagerly forsake everything I thought I'd known if I could join this angel in his home.

"This is all my fault, Edward. If I hadn't needed to talk to Bella away from Ness, then she…"

"Stop it, Jacob! If you're not going to help me revive your _love_, then go look after Josh."

"Is she even going to live?"

"Her thoughts are clearing, she'll be fine. Though I swear if I _ever_ hear anything about any of my family cliff diving again…"

When the angel spoke again it was worth a certain resolve. "_You_ go check on Josh. I'm going to try and get her warm. I don't like the color she's turning."

My father stood up at my angel's words, paused and then took off. I barely heard his murmur saying, "I probably should go help direct the ambulance…"

His words trailed off, as did my thoughts. Warm. I was feeling warm. I wanted to be able to thank the angel for shining down on me like I'd hoped. His caresses were gentle and so warm that I felt like I was sinking in quicksand. What an odd thing to think. I'd never been in quicksand and from what I'd heard about it, it was supposed to be a bad thing.

Maybe I _was_ in Hell. Suddenly there was a fire in my ribs, and I was spewing water out like a fountain. The whole thing burned terribly. But fortunately it had allowed me to reclaim my bearings.

"Jacob?" I asked reverently.

"Yes, Nessie!?" His tone sounded the same as mine.

"Did you save me like you did Mommy?"

He laughed exuberantly in relief. "We really have Alice to thank. She saw Josh's funeral from drowning and did the math."

"You're not as arrogant as I thought you'd be about it."

He laughed again. "I may need to have a word with Bella about how she portrays things…"

"Even so, you're still my hero." I yawned at the last word.

"Edward, how are her thoughts!?" Jacob shouted. I scowled; how dare he ignore me!?

"She's still incoherent but better, and you're being too modest, Jake."

I settled down at that. "You're my hero, Jakey."

He stroked my hair as I yawned again. "Just get some sleep, honey."

"Wait! Is Josh alright?" It was only now that I remembered him. I'd just been so wrapped up in glee knowing that Jacob's sun was as bright as ever.

"He's fine. We saved him."

"What happened?" I demanded, remembering what had led up to this near death moment. I really doubted that the harmed Josh had revealed the answer to any of my questions to anyone, but I was irritated, and in my book he owed me explanations. And he best get them to me somehow!

"He's as silent as ever, which I would expect seeing as how he's unconscious…"

I giggled and drew myself further into Jacob's warm embrace. I would be so glad when I was my normal temperature again.

"Oh, and Ness… you should know something now that you're fine again. If you would have gotten yourself killed I would have kicked your butt, girl or not." I laughed at his silliness before falling asleep again. The last thing I noticed was Jacob's warm lips on my forehead and my anger at Josh.

--

--

**Author's Note: **It should be noted that this is not yet the part of the story that the Preface is based off of.

The whole betting thing actually _was_ a code at the beginning. Everyone was trying to tell Jacob that they agreed with the plan he'd told them: the plan of telling Nessie he'd imprinted on her. Emmett was in on it too though it would have clued Nessie in if Emmett would have betted on anyone, much less Jake! It might seem weird that Bella was the one to say no instead of Edward, but it's due to the fact that Edward and Jacob have been bonding in this. Edward respects Jacob, and in ways Jake is going through what Edward had to go through in _Eclipse_ with the whole Jacob/Bella thing. They're seeing through each other's eyes. Although Bella does support Jacob and Nessie together she's not exactly ready to give up her daughter yet. That's when Jacob sees it fit to try and reassure her that it _is_ time for them to be together, and that Bella will never truly lose Nessie.

Emmett's rant… basically he's trying to discreetly say that Jacob and Nessie are like twins and they should be together. He's trying to show her that they are mates, and that he knows Jacob's good, and suspects something wrong with Josh. Emmett _is_ lying however when he says "the expression at one time really was two pods in a pea…" I got the idea from the episode of _The Suite Life of Zack and Cody_ when Prince Sanjay calls the twins that by mistake. Emmett was just teasing Nessie a little, he knows the expression really is two peas in a pod, so does Jasper and Nessie. That's mostly the reason she teases him after he's done talking. And what I said about the "twin" theory, that has been a theory for the TV show, _Lost_. Apparently there's a book about that theory that has the numbers from _Lost_ appear in it. And there are many religions like the kind I stated. The Tao is an example of one.

And once again, Nessie knew that Alice couldn't see her future. She just figured her Dad would read her mind when she got home and find out what she had been doing. Then she believed her parents would "freak."

Aren't you all so glad that Nessie's finally questioning Josh? It should be noted that although the title of this chapter is mostly about the water, the "dark" and "unknown" part is a reference to Josh as well.

I cannot take credit for coming up with the "little lovely, love" thing. Stefan starts calling Elena that in _The Vampire Diaries The Return: Nightfall_. Personally I think it sounds weird, and I don't think that anyone would call his or her love that. Though they might call their daughter that, (especially husbands that call their wife, love) (wink) it's exactly that reason that Edward calls Renesmee that in this chapter. Sorry if it sounds weird to anyone else. The only time I've ever called anyone that is my cat. LOL.

So, the part when Nessie is being saved was inspired from _Twilight_ when Bella wakes up in the ballet studio and thinks that Edward's an angel. I thought it'd be cute if Nessie thought the same of Jacob. When she suddenly thinks she might be in Hell that was inspired when Edward thought _he_ might have been in Hell after all, when Bella saves him in _New Moon_. Honestly there's a lot in this story where Nessie says/thinks/does something like another character has previously. So be on the lookout. Tee-hee, I haven't mentioned all of them…

And I still have no idea why Nessie's always cold when something's wrong with her in this story. Maybe I don't want her temperature to be even more off the charts so I lower it instead of raising it. Or maybe I just want an excuse for Jake to hold her. I guess it doesn't matter that much. Oh well.

And Nessie really wasn't coherent when Edward was talking so she doesn't know that she is Jacob's _love_.

I must admit that I was sort of inspired by a younger Renesmee by fanfiction user: TheSingingGirl in her story, Renesmee's First Christmas when I wrote her incoherent state in this. It's a great story and I highly recommend reading it.

I tried to take some inspiration from Bella's near drowning in _New Moon_ but seeing as how Nessie's half-vampire it didn't get portrayed as much, she would have been in better condition.

So, one more chapter and we'll be done with the Josh part of the story. And then there's only a few more chapters left at all. So PLEASE drop a review or share your theories.

Wow, this has been one long author's note. Please review! I doubt Edward will be as mad about no reviews as he would be if someone else cliff dived again, but please review so I don't have to send him after you. LOL. I seriously cannot thank Qwi-Xux enough for all she does. An Infinity of golden stars, Laura. May the light guide you all;)


	16. Chapter 15: Don't Let Me Go

"**Don't Let Me Go"**

I waited impatiently as Carlisle "examined" me. In around ninety-five seconds I would be free to pulverize Josh until he gave me my answers. The idea was impossible as it was unjustifiable. When I looked upon the weak human laid out on the stretcher, it was hard to remember how close we'd just come to death. _Now_ I felt like I was dying; all of this really _had_ been my fault.

"Do you feel any pressure in your head?" Carlisle asked me part for show, part for real.

Eighty-five seconds.

"No."

"Are you sure? You were under for quite some time. You may have hit your head while you were still under."

I deliberated his words for a moment. The way the black entity had pulled me to itself so roughly, I didn't doubt that I'd hit my head in the collision. But if I said yes, I would be expected to go to the hospital. The civilians who had gathered would suspect something if I didn't. I could always tell Carlisle the truth later…

"No, I'm positive."

"I'm going to send you home, but try not to fall asleep for awhile just in case."

"Okay."

Fifty-five seconds.

Ridiculously, I was lifted up and onto a stretcher (I really must have been weaker because it seemed easy for the human men to maneuver my equal to marble body) before laying me down in the back of Emmett's jeep wrangler. Somehow they managed to put all three of the seatbelts in the back seat on me.

Thirty seconds.

I listened intently as my hearing picked up more silvery light lip movement. "You guys stay here and ask Josh questions if he wakes up, and try to prevent his parents from suing us for Nessie accidentally assisting in Josh's harm through her stupid diving idea." I could hear Jacob shaking his head at the words.

"Who are you and what have you done with my childish best friend?"

"Now's not the time, Bells. I should probably tell you that I'm taking Nessie to _our_ house for the night. I don't want her around if Josh decides to call. She'd be too eager to go and check on him and her story about what happened doesn't sit right with me."

Fifteen seconds.

Jacob walked over and took the wheel of Emmett's jeep then. I waited impatiently for him to get to the highway so he could start driving fast and I could end this human façade.

"You needn't worry," I began. "I have no intention of seeing Josh right now." My head really did bug me some. But it seemed to be connected to some scent rather than injury.

Zero seconds.

Silence.

The quietness was really beginning to have a toll on me. Was Jacob _that_ mad at me? I half-expected him to dive out of the car in escape when he pulled in at our house. He helped me get free from the buckles, but quickly ditched me after that. I was beyond irritated. What if there had been something wrong with me and I'd _needed_ his help?

I tried to find any sort of reason for his callousness. Perhaps he was just going ahead to make sure that everything was perfect when I saw our cabin for the first time. It would have been quite amusing if I didn't feel like I was going crazy when part of me realized that I was fooling myself in even remotely believing that, while another part wanted to kick _that_ part so I could stay in this "happy" moment.

"Jacob, I…" I didn't finish that sentence. Faster than even _I _could make out, he held me in his arms and kissed me. I wanted to revel in the moment, for the kiss just felt so _right_. Still, I knew it was wrong to think that. The way he clutched me was almost painful. I recognized the need of his kiss without delay. It was the same as how I'd acted when I'd kissed him at prom. Both actions were wrong. We shouldn't be acting this way to forget something; we should be _making_ only happy memories when we were together like this.

I pushed him away gently as to not hurt his feelings.

"I'm sorry, that was totally out of line."

I rolled my eyes. Of course he'd come up with the _worst_ scenario as to why I wanted to end our little make out session.

"Tell me what you're thinking, Jake."

"You don't want to hear it."

Did he not know me at all? We were always there for each other and always would be. Why did he want to hamper our connection now? "Yes, I do, so let me help you." I involuntarily cringed in remembering what had happened when I told Josh the same thing.

"It was the worst pain imaginable. Having to watch you die. Having to watch you _drown_. I don't know how I survived it." Each sentence was spoken separately; it was so hard for him to speak of his fears. And even now I couldn't completely understand, but I needed to. I vaguely wondered if I couldn't empathize completely because of my mother. He'd almost lost her in the same way. Maybe that added even _more_ depth to his pain.

"Jake… Alice can't see my future. Even if you reversed my father or Alice's power there would have been no image for you to…"

"The image I saw was from my imagination. And that made it even worse. I kept seeing the worst scenarios in my head. That you would die some horrible death and your life would never touch mine again." He was crying now and I had no idea how to help him. Even though he was crying about me, crying that something could have happened to me… I couldn't reach him. It was like he was masochistically choosing to live in that moment alone.

"It wasn't real, Jake."

"But it _was_. When I got there and pulled you out of the water, even before that… it wasn't as bad as my imaginings, but I knew that in a second it could have become as bad. It just would have been my luck to…

"Jacob, _please_ stop thinking in the past."

He disregarded me. "I thought you were dead when we got you to shore. I couldn't even check to see, or try to bring you back. The whole time I felt that if I touched you, you'd disappear from within my grasp. It was really your father who saved you; I only ended up helping a little. I hate myself for not using my full effort, for not trying to use everything I have to save the love of my-"

I kissed him. Gently. I was acting as if I was the one thinking _he'd_ disappear. "I'm here _now_; nothing bad happened. You can't live in the past. You have to live in the _now_. This, for instance," I touched his lips lightly to make my point but found myself momentarily lost in their texture. I shook my head to clear it. "You shouldn't kiss me to forget memories. You should want to kiss me to make good ones. The past is the past; there's nothing you can do to change it."

"Ness-"

He tried to kiss me again, but I sidestepped the motion.

"Maybe now's not the best time for that. You're not yourself."

"If I was myself I'd tear that Ugondey kid to smithereens."

"What?" I didn't like the new direction that this conversation was headed.

"It's _his_ fault, Nessie. You jumped off the cliff after him to save _his_ useless life."

"If you remember correctly, I'm the one who brought Josh out there in the first place." I said this in a peacemaker manner. "It was entirely my fault for questioning him the way I did. I could have gone about it a better way." Though I was still slightly irked at Josh, I wanted to get Jacob's anger directed at a _nearer_ target. I could tell Josh hadn't meant for us to almost drown. It was my fault alone. I just didn't want Jacob to blame Josh. Or _himself_. "Have you ever heard of something made of only black matter that can retract its shape?"

"What?"

I had only been thinking of my would-be executioner because I had hoped to distract Jake. But I realized there _had _been more reason to the thought. If the being that had been circulating Josh in the water was any indication, he was in more danger than ever! I began calculating things that I knew in my head, hoping that maybe I could figure out an answer to everything.

"You saw something like that?" Jacob asked, doing the math.

"I am a Hybrid, after all. It takes a lot to bring me down."

Jacob's head instantly became downcast though I couldn't figure why. Did he not want me to see his expression? Was _he_ calculating something? Or perhaps being a "man" he didn't want me to see what emotion was playing out on his face. When he talked his tone somehow made both reasons seem right. "Nessie, when you almost died today it made me realize how much time I've been wasting with certain things. I want you to have something." I couldn't make sense of what Jacob was now holding. It seemed to be black candle wax, but why did Jacob have it? And where had it come from?

"I've had this made and here for awhile. I always told myself I'd someday do this, but deep down didn't think I'd ever get the courage to move forward with this. I have the courage now," he said emotionally.

Before I could _really_ decipher what he meant or what was happening, Jacob's nail was cutting into my exposed upper arm very deep and very painfully. My mind was screaming at me to defend myself or move away. My feet seemed too shocked to comply. And what he did next surprised me more than anything else and that was saying a lot. He poured the candle wax into the huge and strange cut he'd just inflicted on me. And then, taking out a vile of what I recognized due to my family to be vampire venom (I only recognized it from my family because I myself was not venomous) from behind where the tin of candle wax had been residing, he cautiously, as not to touch any of it, poured the venom over the entire cut and the candle wax that was now inside of it.

"What _the_ hell!?"

"I'm sorry if I hurt you badly, Ness. You and the venom will heal you soon - I'm sure of it."

I wanted to say more, but words were at a loss for me in this bizarre moment.

Jacob sighed when he saw my expression. "It's not fair that I have your family's' crest and you can't have mine. You're very much a part of the pack as much as I am a Cullen, Ness. I'm just sad there was no way I could surprise you or keep you from worrying with what I just did."

It was only then that I saw the beauty and risk of his gesture. If he had gotten any venom on him it probably would have killed him. And honestly, if I'd lost myself for a moment at his "attack" I could have killed him too unthinkingly, in total self-defense. He'd risked all of that.

What was beautiful about the gesture was that he accepted me in all aspects of his life the way I did with him. And it was clear it had taken a lot of thought to manage for me to have something like a tattoo mar my impenetrable skin. Only a mythical creature, someone as special as my Jacob, could harm my skin, to get the process to work.

I could tell that my arm alone (with help form the venom) was already healing itself. And it no longer hurt. I smiled when I noticed how excellently Jacob's plan was working. The wax inside the cut was keeping the venom from healing it completely. And you could still make out the wolf pack sign on my arm!

I was a member of the pack officially now. I was a Quileute. I couldn't get over how happy that trivial fact made me.

"Jake…" I breathed whilst tears ran freely down my face.

"Are you still hurt? I'm sorry, Ness. I was so stupid! How _could_ I have been so stupid?"

I rolled my eyes and he stopped his apologies mid, rant. "I love it, you silly person." How could I not?

Jacob's eyes seemed to hold more mirth than I'd ever seen. And that was _really_ saying something.

"You do?" His voice choked adorably with emotion.

"Yes."

"Kwop kilawtley." _Stay with me forever_, he said in his native language. I sighed dreamily. I really needed a distraction right now and Jacob was _not_ making it easy to think of any! "I love _you_." And there it was. We were so close to ruining our friendship. But could it really be considered ruined if it became something better? In that moment I couldn't have cared less about our friendship. All I could focus on and want was the "better." Still… if things went wrong, I didn't want to hurt him. I didn't want him to have to mourn the loss of our friendship. It was best to not risk our friendship at all. "Do you ever resent the fact that we keep you away from your pack?" I was grasping at straws but I needed to remain in control of this situation.

"What?"

"We keep you from your pack in a way." I felt I was severing my heart in realizing this. How wrong had I been to tear Jacob away from them? I'd been completely selfish in wanting to keep him with me.

Jacob laughed wholeheartedly. "We keep in touch," he said whilst placing an index finger on his temple. "Besides, Emily, Claire, Kim, Rachel and Leah's mate subtract some of _their_ loved ones from the pack at certain times. As it is, I'd eagerly give up my spirit wolf for you, Nessie. I would give up everything and give you anything. Because you're my everything."

"Jake…"

"I love you, Ness."

I stopped breathing long before his lips touched mine. And in the moment all I could think was how his kiss truly was the most addictive _and_ strongest drug. He would be all mine if I would just choose to let him be.

That choice was looking better with each passing moment.

I tangled my hair in his long hair (how I loved his hair long!) and pulled him to me with a strength I was sure was hurting him.

I wanted to laugh as we stumbled into his bedroom. Stumbling wasn't something mythical creatures should do. I would _have_ laughed if I weren't involved in more vigorous activities. We literally fell onto the bed together (me having another "like my mother" moment by tripping over a slight step that I should have easily noted). I unbuttoned his shirt and all the while our lips never parted. As I began running my hands over his arms I felt it: his tattoo, like the one _I_ now had. I knew that Emily, Rachel and Kim all had gotten this tattoo at one point as well. And I was remotely positive that Claire would want to receive one when she was older too. Leah's mate also could have had this tattoo…

The tattoo only belonged on those who had been the subject of imprinting. My actions ceased immediately. I started sobbing.

"Ness - what's wrong?" Jacob asked, seemingly forgetting what we'd just been doing. I cried into his shirt, unable to stop myself, and unable to feel less than awful. He needn't comfort me when _I_ was such a problem to him. How pathetic was I that I continued to let him try anyway?

"I can't do this, Jake. It'll just cut me up deeper afterwards. Sam has Emily, Paul has Rachel, Jared-Kim, Quil-Claire, and now Leah has someone. Someday you're going to find someone too. Someone better than this freaky Hybrid. It'll be hard enough without this too." I delicately traced the lines of his face and torso. Horror filled me in realizing that I would lose this. Jacob may have tried talking to me, but I was too far gone to hear him. He simply held me and let me have at it. The whole time I felt so stupid for having a reoccurring thought: _Don't let me go_. _Never let go_. In the end I knew he would.

--

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**Author's Note: **I'm not dead. And I am so sorry for the lack of updating. I do have a good excuse: my computer crashed. Twice. Yep, I'd lost everything. Fortunately I have most of my chapters redone now and the rest of the story should come with little delay. There's only six chapters left and I have about five and a half of them already written!

And if you haven't noticed this chapter is quoted from the Fray's song, _Never Say Never_.

Ugh. So much in this chapter bothers me! Mainly it's when Jake gives Nessie the tattoo. If only Stephenie wouldn't have made it nearly impossible to give the vampire species tattoos. Maybe I should have just left it alone… Anyway, the idea of how she could receive a tattoo came from two stories. The stories are, _The List_ by Laura Cullen on Twilighted and _The Day The Earth Stood Still_ by Sare Liz on this site. Believe me it's good these two inspired me because my original idea was a LOT worse. Jacob was so not in his right mind in this chapter. LOL. Though some of the OOC stuff still annoys me. *Sigh.*

And I think I unconsciously made this chapter a lot like one of Justine Lark's in her, _Bedtime Stories_. That story's also on this site if you're interested.

Haha. I totally stole the Quileute line from the _New Moon_ movie. Nessie's Jacob's real soul mate. He should say it to her too!

Until next time… may the light guide you. And it should be a quick wait;)


	17. Chapter 16: Light

**Here's the deal guys… this story is done and had been for a LONG time. All I need to do is type up the epilogue I hand-wrote. I haven't posted these chapters for many reasons.**

**Reason 1: No one ever edited these for me. So there's undoubtedly a bajillion mistakes. I'm a better writer now, and could fix a lot of them. But I'm just not interested in this story anymore. Sorry. **

**Reason 2: I now hate this story. In all truthfulness, I almost deleted the whole thing. It was being on the receiving end of that from other authors that kept me from doing it to you.**

**Reason 3: I don't really like **_**Twilight**_** anymore. And I won't go into my many reasons for that.**

**So yeah, I hope you guys enjoy the conclusion of this story. And to all of my story alerters, favoriters, author alerters, readers etc. I thank you so much for all your support. I didn't deserve any of you at all. Thank you for bearing with me as I became a better writer. If it weren't for you this story (and most definitely the conclusion) would have never been posted. Thank you.**

**-Shanna**

**Light**

I woke up with a start. Something was not right. The scents were _too_ familiar; the colors shining against my eyelids were too bright. The sounds were too homey. The _wrong _home. "Jake… how did I get home?" I asked groggily knowing that he could hear me. I stumbled towards the descending staircase in a dazed manner. My eyes wishing that I had kept them firmly shut.

The whole stumbling thing wasn't right either. It was a near impossibility for a Vampire Hybrid to exempt klutziness. Still… it seemed I was destined to be like my Mom; there were times when I did in fact show how clumsy I could be. This moment was one of them.

I laughed out loud where I sat hunched on the floor. I'd never fallen down before. And it truly should have been impossible. Oddly enough I seemed to feel weightless. Gravity had pushed me down, and yet I felt like I was flying. Reality came flooding back to me with unrivaled clarity. It was so hard to believe that I had shot Jacob down mere hours ago. The idea seemed ludicrous to me now. Who cared if I might lose him eventually? I would value the time he would give me. And I would turn my shoulder purposefully. I refused to think about the involuntary and unchanging imprinting phenomenon. I would own Jacob as long was possible (and the imprinting would have to fit somehow into that scenario).

"Jake!" I called eagerly. "Thanks for bringing me back to the house." It was easy to put two and two together now. The brightness of the day seemed to shine retrospect on the shadows that sometimes enveloped my life. How sweet had it been that he'd carried me home after I fell asleep?

A phantom tried to take my mood down a notch and I did reluctantly somewhat agree with the less optimistic side: crying took a lot out of me. And it was embarrassing that I'd cried nonstop (no doubt ruining Jacob's shirt) because I'd thought that I couldn't have an unfaltering hold on Jacob. But just because something wasn't forever, it didn't necessarily mean that it wasn't unfaltering.

I began to descend the stairs in leaps and bounds. I had to tell him. He simply had to know that I wanted to be with him no matter what resulted.

As I stood outside the dining room common sense, as well as my heightened senses, returned to me. Why was everyone assembled? Surely, we were all running late for school. The sunlight glistened in through the window nearest my line of vision. I suppose that answered _that_ question. We wouldn't be going anywhere near the humans today. Though I doubted they were observant enough to notice my subtle luminescent skin I knew we had to keep up appearances. We'd all be "hiking" today. Not.

But why… why were they having a meeting without me? And how had they not noticed that I was near?

"Are you sure now's the right time?" Alice asked. Her voice alone very clearly hinted at her pixie like quality. "Don't you want to make it more special? I can't see anything for awhile so that must mean…"

"No, fortune-teller," Jacob answered here endearingly and jokingly at the same time. "After what Ness said last night, I know I can't wait any longer. It's making things worse."

"So we're all in agreement then? Jacob will tell Nessie about their relationship?" Carlisle questioned.

Jacob huffed and fell back into his seat with a strong force. "It shouldn't be up to _all_ of us. It's between me and her."

My mother laughed some humorously. "Of course it's about Edward and I too, Jake."

"Bella…" Jacob moaned teasingly. "You already agreed to this. Now you're just wasting time," he laughed.

Rosalie stood up instantly. Her beauty claiming nothing but attention. It was only fitting that she'd become the voice of reason at this moment. "I think we've all just been stalling for too long a time now. I know my best friend, and I know my brother and sister," she said inclining her head towards my parents, "And I know they hate being left in the dark. Jacob's right. It's worse to keep this silent. Nessie needs to know that Jacob imprinted on her."

Stillness. Absolute stillness. That was all my body was capable of at the moment. My mind was unable to keep up with what I'd just heard, and I was truly in shock. I only wished that my mind processed things as slow as a human's mind did. For the anger and sadness replaced the shock immediately. And like my parents – my emotions were very impressive when they got out of hand, but it wasn't in a good way.

They had _lied_. My entire existence I had been lied too! And it just wasn't the fact that they'd lied to me that was so bad. What was really awful was that the people I cared most about in the world, who claimed to love me the same way, had kept a vital part of my existence a secret.

I'd never tasted anything bitter before as strongly opposed to human food was I. But I knew for a fact that the taste in my mouth was equal to that supposed unpleasant human taste. The only thing that could be seen in my mind was something I'd never really seen, but had heard about. Emily slapping Sam when she found out he'd imprinted on her: mainly for hurting her cousin Leah. Her refusing to be anywhere near him. Her distaste for all things imprinting implied. And then when she had caved and kissed Sam, Falling for him shortly after, even now I could tell she still felt awful for betraying Leah.

A similar name started to drip in the back of my consciousness. _Josh_. I truly had become Emily and Leah combined. I knew that my feelings for Josh were probably equal to how Leah's had been for Sam. But then he'd imprinted and left her behind. And now I would have to be forced to have more powerful involuntary feelings for Jacob while I'd always regret what had and hadn't happened with Josh. If magic didn't exist I would have been with Josh. I should have known by now that freaks like me would never be human in any instance. I could already feel Josh turning into a fading dream.

I very nearly screamed out loud. And it would have been one of the most earth shattering ones in history.

Jasper cringed and whispered my name in the same moment that I strode into the room. I was done with the delusions that dominated my life. It was time to shed some light onto the subject.

"Why?" I asked with both anger and unfortunate sadness.

"Why what?" Jacob asked. I looked at his face broken heartedly before looking at the rest of my family's expressions. Esme's face was the hardest to take in. I could actually see my grandmother in her. The others might as well have been perfect strangers. What had happened to my flawless family? "Why what, Nessie?" Jacob continued to play innocent. "You said quite a lot in your sleep, honey. What issue are you talking about?"

I was through with games. "So it's all a lie then?" I said through my teeth.

"Is what all a lie?" Jacob asked unscathed. It seemed our family _had_ corrupted him. His lie was flawless and it led me to seeing no human left in him. No human left in any of them.

"Everything I've felt about you… was it a lie!"

"Nessie…" Emmett trailed off warningly. It was so rare to see him act so serious. I owned up to that happily. It turned him more into the stranger I now saw him as. He wasn't my fun uncle. And I mourned that fact and celebrated it at the same time.

"It wasn't a lie." Jacob said sadly, finally giving up his defenses.

"Really?" I challenged. "Because it seems to me that Emily's feelings towards Sam are more ordered to be that way than an…"

"You don't know what you're talking about!" Jacob nearly growled at me and I shrunk back slightly. I didn't want him to know how much he'd hurt me, so I regained my stance quickly. "You don't know what it feels like for us. And Sam and Emily's relationship is one of the truest loves I've ever seen!"

"It's too bad we won't be like them then, huh? I have no love for you left. Only hate." I cried. I'd always prided myself on being smart. How had I missed something so painfully obvious? I looked upon all of my memories of Jacob with my new knowledge. Seriously, how had I _missed_ something so clear!

One thing now was clear to me. Jacob and my relationship had never been as pure and beautiful as I'd imagined it. He didn't like me for _me_. He was just with me because nature said that I was his _mate_. I felt like I was going to somehow faint.

"Nessie that was really uncalled for!" My parents said the same words at the exact same time. It would have been funny if… well, it just wasn't.

"Why?" I looked at Jacob for the last time I would allow. "Why didn't you tell me? Why didn't any of you?" I couldn't look at any face besides Jacob. My heart couldn't handle me facing more betrayal head on.

"Because. I wanted you to choose to be with me of your own free will."

Carlisle sighed the same moment I did. "It wasn't our secret to tell, Nessie." He said acting like the leader he was. Well, _their_ leader. These people's leaders. I couldn't trust any liar as my leader.

"That's hilarious, Jake." I finally said. "It seems to me that I've never had any choice at all!" As the words planted in my head I felt nothing but fury.

It was Jasper who seemed to be the only one who could manage looking for a silver lining." Why are you lying to yourself? I felt your resolve this morning. You were ready to be with Jacob even at the cost of losing him. Why should it change now?"

His words caught me off guard and I momentarily lost my train of thought. Before I was upset that he might imprint on someone _else_. Why was I now upset to find out he'd imprinted on me. I _would_ have been with him even if he would have left me eventually. So why…

Maybe it was because I had known that Jacob loved me. Deep down I honestly wouldn't have believed he could imprint on anyone. We _would_ have been together forever. But wasn't imprinting just another way of us realizing that? Why was I upset _now_? A little voice in the back of my head answered that easily.

_Because you don't really love each other for yourselves. You love what fate chose for you, because you have no choice. _So _that_ was the kicker. Jacob would have been forced to love me if I was gothic, preppy, nice, bratty… he would have been forced to love me no matter what I was like. It was sort of insulting that he didn't see _me_ when he looked at me but just his partner. His involuntarily chosen partner. I sighed.

Josh… the feelings that I'd felt for him, why was it now that the depth of them seemed to rise to the surface? There was no doubting that the two of us were meant to be. Story of my life: magic had to come and ruin everything! Why did I have to be born in this mystic world? Why couldn't I have been normal? I wanted to be human! All of my dreams were pointless and hopeless. I'd never receive what I truly wanted.

"Nessie… everything's not exactly as you think…" My father whispered with provoking sincerity.

"Stay _out_ of my head!" I screeched.

"Nessie… this has gone on long enough. And I think you need to know something." I unwillingly stared at my mother. She'd been so silent throughout this turn of events that it was easy to forget how involved she was. "You were never like a normal child," I cringed at her words and turned away from the unintentional onslaught of pain that her words were provoking. "Edward and I have always treated you more like a friend than a daughter. And you _are_ our friend, Nessie." She said reassuringly. "But first and foremost you're our daughter. We've never had a need to discipline you before and I don't want to punish you now." She took a moment to regain her bearings. "As your parents we have a right to tell you or not tell you what we see fit." She once again halted her words, this time looking at my father for support. It would do her no good. Whatever happened next was already lost to me. I was planning my escape… "I'll be the first to admit that I wasn't ready for you to find out even now. It makes me remember when I thought the Volturi would kill us all and I'd have to give you to Jake for safekeeping." We both cringed at that. "It hurts to remember that time so there are days when I still don't know if I'm ready to let you be with Jacob. To let you go.

"But my reasons aren't because of him. _I'm_ not ready to see you in a relationship, Nessie. The way you're acting towards Jake is really uncharacteristic. And I know it's because you're truly not ready for the relationship either."

"How do you know if that's ri-"

"Despite what you're probably feeling now, we _do_ know you, Nessie." My father chimed in.

My mother nodded against his chest. "We know how much you want to be normal. And we know that's why you're hesitant to be with Jake. He, like all of us, is not normal. Your subconscious knows that if you choose him you'll be leaving normal." I was instantly reminded of an earlier conversation with my mother. I'd been so ready to 'leave normal' when she spoke of it before. But now I wasn't. And part of my consciousness recognized truth… a lot of what she spoke was right.

I was in no mood to be wrong. "You just want me with Jake because you feel guilty you broke his heart. It's probably because of you that he imprinted on me." I instantly hated myself after saying that.

I hated myself even more when my mother didn't seem angry by it. She just rolled her eyes, looking like me and my father. "Doesn't that contradict a lot of what I just said?"

Emmett sighed dramatically. "Did you ever think that the reason that Jacob _did_ like your mother was because of _you_? Your mom was the closest thing _to_ you at the time. It was always you." Emmett said with upright conviction.

"That doesn't make me feel any better." I said brokenly.

Unfortunately it was the mostly silent Rosalie that once again turned my depression into anger. "The sidestepping is getting really old now, Ness. I _know_ you. You've always loved him. Why are you being so difficult?"

"Because! I loved him as a best friend. But this is…"

It was then that Alice decided to chime in too. "Nessie, I really think that you're overstating things. For the longest time your future has almost seemed blacker than black to me. And you know it was because you were going to intertwine your life with Jacob. Why get upset when you _never_ were going to end up with Josh?"

How could I explain it right? That things had been different before. That I had thought Jacob's love for me was of love and not condemnation. I sighed heavily in realizing that it _was_ exactly that. Truthfully Jacob had never had a choice in the matter either. Instead of trying (and failing) to get that point across, I solemnly said: "Alice, stop trying to look at my future especially when you can't see it anyway. And Dad, Jasper don't read my mind or try to control my emotions."

Through my peripheral vision it became exceedingly clear why Esme had been silent through most of this ordeal. She was trying to calm Jacob – the tremors running through his body, He was shifting.

"That's it, Nessie." He finally said. "I can take you being mad at me but not at them."

"Jake…" I said my voicing cracking with emotion. In some ways I loved that I still cared for strongly for him. It felt like I'd truly lost myself this day and I was glad that there was a hint of my old self leftover.

Still, I was _also_ angry that I felt sympathy for him. It wasn't right to blame him over something he had no control over. But…

"I should have known that something wasn't right when I imprinted on you."

"Jacob…" I said with stupid sadness. I was angry he _had_ imprinted on me. Why should I be sad that he _regretted_ it now and saw me as a flaw?

"And I don't even mean because of your nature. All you care about is that evil Josh."

Once again the sadness was replaced with furry. I knew that he hadn't mean what he said but… I couldn't stop the word vomit that _I_ said. "You're just mad that he has something more to offer." A chance at normalcy though I didn't say that. I didn't wait for an answer before I started storming off. I ripped off the promise bracelet Jacob had given me in a show of emotion.

As I geared up my motorcycle I tried very hard to think of nothing. It was hard but I did finally leave the area. The only thought I would allow to cross my mind was _where could I go_? Honestly I had no clue about anything anymore. My initial thought when I'd woken up had been correct. Something hadn't been right. And I said goodbye to any light in my life.


	18. Chapter 17: Grandpa Charlie

**Grandpa Charlie**

I stared out at Seattle unblinkingly as I stood on the city's very own Space Needle. All I knew for sure was that it was a very late hour. How late I wasn't sure, still… I knew that I really should have been more tired. Perhaps sleep didn't mean anything when your entire life came crashing down on you.

My feet could no longer hold me. It was exactly that sort of thought that I was trying to avoid. It was also the kind of thought that I now realized was unavoidable. I wrapped my arms around myself as I sobbed. I vaguely wondered if I fell asleep like this if I would fall off this monument. I knew I'd still survive, but it would cause a huge mess for my family and me.

I paused that thought dead in its tracks. Why should I care about my family? It was clear they didn't care about _me_. I should only be worried about protecting myself. Oddly enough I felt comforted _and_ annoyed when realizing I'd never _really _let the Volturi harm my family.

My more rational side knew that they'd done what they had thought was best for me. But I hated to admit how much I _did_ need them when I was so hugely irritated. Why was it that every member of the coven (apart from me) had known this big secret? It was about _me_. Shouldn't _I_ have been informed a lot earlier?

Truthfully I knew why I hadn't. They'd never considered me a part of their ranks. They'd always seen me above them for some stupid reason. They only thought that they needed to _protect_ me and nothing else. But families needed to be synchronized! Anyone would have told you that. I'd never been much of a child anyway. Still, my parents and all of the family felt they had to shelter me! The real kicker was that Jacob was included a lot more than I was and he shared much of my fragility too! Not to mention Rosalie and the others had hardly accepted him at first, so why was it so hard to accept me as a key member now? If and when I ever returned I would have to tell them that this overprotection of me needed to end.

I was finally able to stop sobbing and open my eyes at the promise of that thought. And as I looked out I saw a light. A gold one that seemed so out of place with all of the other white street lights. The beauty of it made me remember how I'd used to want to have gold eyes the way that my family did. I felt so out of place with my brown ones. In the end they'd all convinced me that they were beautiful beyond belief. That my mother had had them and I was the living legacy of that. I'd also been sated slightly by the fact that Jacob had brown eyes (even though it wasn't exactly the same because he was a shape shifter and I was half-vampire so I should have been expected more to have gold eyes).

Anyway, I'd been right all along. I _had_ been out of place. But simply because my family members placed me on a pedestal in which I didn't belong. Should I really be so mad of their unconditional (yet irrational) overbearing love?

At the moment it seemed like the best idea was to go back home. I couldn't make my feet move though. Mainly I was embarrassed for the way that I had acted. So I couldn't/wouldn't go back. Still… people would be waking up soon. I couldn't stay here. But where could I go? Sadly enough, my family was really the only people that I had connections to.

_Well_, I amended the thought, _everyone except Josh_.

_Josh_. I refused to think of the changes that had already happened between us. The ones _he_ didn't even know of. And I refused to think of my detest for Jacob for sort of making me lose him. I _could_ call him. The only problem was that I truly doubted that he wanted to have anything to do with me. Last time we'd been together I'd nearly gotten him killed and I hadn't checked in on him after that either. How I wished I could call my parents right now and ask them how he was doing… but things were too messed up at the moment.

Where could I go?

Where _was_ there to go aside from Josh's and the family's place.

_Family_.

Did I really want to see Charlie? My irrational side wanted to shun the entire family function. But I couldn't deny my love for my grandfather. Besides he only knew need-to-know details. I knew deep down he'd had nothing to do with the secret that ruined my life. The more I thought about it, the more Forks seemed like the perfect place to go. Besides, Grandpa Charlie wasn't immortal. (I almost cried at the thought.) I needed to spend as much time with him as possible while I could.

I knew that my parents might literally kill me if I went any farther away. I knew the idea was nonnegotiable. I just needed some time away. Away with my favorite human. And if they hadn't found me now they probably weren't trying that hard anyway. I wasn't _that _far away. You'd think my father would still be able to hear my thoughts.

Or maybe I had gotten better at evading his mind reading. I'd definitely tried hard enough when I'd stormed out of the house to give him no clue as to where I was going. I hated to think how out of control they probably saw me as becoming.

And going somewhere as obvious as Forks felt like I was drawing them a map of where to find me. So be it.

My anger hadn't gone away completely. It would be best to go someplace that would make me feel a lot better. It would be a much needed and _good_ distraction.

I jumped off of the space needle landing directly on my motorcycle and once again revved the engine.

-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-

I felt exceptionally guilty when I arrived at Grandpa Charlie's home and his first question was a, "Where's the rest of the family."

I bit my lip apprehensively. And Grandpa Charlie's good mood descended slightly. "Look," I said coming straight out with it. "We had a bit of a spiel. Everything will be fine. But can I please stay here for a few days? Without them knowing?"

Charlie momentarily glanced at the newly emerged Sue before answering. "Sure, I'm always glad to have you, Nessie. I love ya, kid. "

"Thanks." I said sincerely as I walked over the threshold. "I love you too." A sense of rightness hit me immediately. This was truly the most at home I'd felt in a long, long time.

"Have you gotten taller?" He asked while bonking me on the head slightly. I wanted to laugh and tell him that for the first time that he'd known me I hadn't gotten taller (or seemingly a lot older) but his serene expression reminded me to play normal as best I could.

"Nessie." Sue said cautiously.

"Sue." I answered back a lot more pleasantly.

"I was just making Sue and I some steak. Would you like some Nes-"

He cut off immediately remembering how certain politeness was unnecessary with me. I shocked everyone when I said, "I'll take a raw one."

I would have to gag my way through part of it but at least it would put some blood in me and help appease the Quileute woman who didn't trust me as far as her human strength could throw me. I thought to add some more reassurance when Grandpa Charlie exited the room. "I'm in control." I promised.

"Are you?" I tried to ignore what sounded like a double meaning in her words. Maybe I just felt so guilty that I was imagining a double meaning.

"I would never hurt you or Grandpa Charlie." I added for good measure.

"But you'd hurt perfect strangers." She whirled around on me.

I was instantly furious. "Of course not! They just don't throw out the Cullen crest to anyone you know!" I dangled my charm bracelet in her face only then remembering that I'd forgot to dismantle that piece of jewelry as well as the charms from Jacob.

"Of course they do. You would have received it no matter what. You're a daughter of two of the Cullens."

"Why are you saying this?" I asked amidst tears.

"They found a body drained of blood near the Space Needle today. Apparently part of your motorcycle chipped off. The ID # from _your _motorcycle was found near the scene of the crime."

"What!" I asked alarmed now. Why was it that I couldn't seem to get the idea of Josh being connected to a bad vampire out of my head? And boy had I been stupid jumping onto my motorcycle so carelessly. I should have realized that my motorcycle would be the only thing to suffer when my marble body impaled on it after falling several stories.

"Don't play innocent. Dead bodies have been dropping like Cinderella's lost slippers since you 'vegetarians' showed up there. And now you've come here to hideout. What do you expect me to believe?"

"We haven't broken the treaty." I said with no chance of someone finding wiggle room in my plea.

"Why should I believe you?"

"Because you're a good person, Sue. And I know that upon seeing my mother years ago you could tell that she was incapable of lying. I am as well. I looked you directly in the eye and you saw that."

Sue was instantly horror struck. "I'm sorry. I should have known. I guess old habits die-hard. But I should have known Jacob wouldn't have been able to imprint on you if-"

"That's why I'm here." I sighed.

She was about to say more but Grandpa Charlie walked in then. "I take it you two have been catching up."

"We've been talking about the news actually. Would you believe we Quileutes are the only ones taking interest in the Seattle killings?" I smiled thankfully at her. I could tell by what she said that she hadn't told the pack or the authorities that she expected we Cullens of murder. Not that the authorities could do much to take us in or stop us. She probably never would have told them anyway. It would have given them more danger than us in her eyes.

"It's awful. But I suppose it _is_ Seattle. It reminds me of what happened six and a half years ago yet less intense." I hadn't even thought of that. It did seem like the story I'd been told about the newborns' descent on Seattle. The one that my family had had to help deal with. Thankfully it didn't seem like newborn vampires if it was "less intense" but how had we not noticed anything in these killings? And oddly enough I wondered why we even lived in Seattle. It must have held some mental anguish for my parents but I suppose you did what was necessary. Suddenly Seattle really seemed to scare me. I was exceedingly glad that I was in Forks at the moment. I'd have to try to vacate all the ones I cared about from the dangerous city.

_Does that mean you've _forgiven_ your family?_ A voice in my head asked me emotionlessly. I was in no mood to fight with myself.

"Speaking of news…" Grandpa Charlie trailed off while handing us each our steaks from the grill. I went rigid, immediately guessing what he was going to say. "I called your parents to let them know that you're here."

"Why'd you tell them?" I moaned while encasing my face in my hands.

"Now don't be like that, darling." He said whilst trying to penetrate my iron strength enough to remove my hands from my face. "They were worried sick about you. I was able to convince them to let you stay here for a few days but you have to go home eventually. And those are _my_ words not their words." He smiled down at my now freed face. I had to admit that things could have gone a lot worse. "We Swans aren't cowards, Nessie. And you _are_ a Swan." I smiled at the concept of belonging somewhere other than with the Cullens and the _gulp_ Quileute pack _gulp_.

"Sue?" Charlie changed his attention. "Can you lend Nessie some of your clothes while she stays? I know they're too big, but… I don't have any of Renée's old things left and Bella took all of her clothes with her to Seattle. So unless you lend her some of your clothes she won't have any. I would ask Leah as she likes Ness," She did? "But we all know Leah's clothes would be _way_ too big..."

Sue laughed at his convoluted question. "It's fine Charlie. No matter what she'll have functional clothes somehow. I'll go and prepare Bella's old room for her now."

Grandpa Charlie winked at her conspicuously and I was immediately glad they had each other. It seemed they were better together than I'd thought… even if they were postponing their dinner to make me feel at home, I couldn't deny how much this loving atmosphere meant to me. I knew that Jasper would have eaten the energy up. And I started eating up my steak. It was pretty darn good.

"So," he said after she was out of human earshot. "Why are you here?"

And my steak went totally forgotten. "Guy problems." It was probably best to leave things simple.

"Ah." He said clearly out of his league. "What's the problem?"

"There's this guy that I've liked for a long time without realizing it. According to astrology we're meant to be. But I've liked another guy a lot too. I sort of resent my 'soul mate' in that without him throwing our connection on me out of the blue, I probably would have ended up with the other guy no questions asked."

Grandpa Charlie blinked a few times in trying to process my words "So…"

I interrupted him immediately. "Alright, the guy I want to be with and don't resent is sort of dangerous it seems." I said feeling bad about leaving out details. "You don't have to help me through this." I reminded him.

"Scarily enough I'm intrigued. No one's really talked to me this much about relationships before." It was a good thing that my mother and Sue enjoyed little words. That factor might have unhinged a lot of people. It seemed to be a safe bet that that had been one of the issues with Renée. "But how's this connect to your family problems?" He asked curiously.

"The guy I'm supposed to be with is Jacob." I said without thinking.

My carelessness was instantly rewarded with a whitening Charlie. Thankfully he regained himself quickly. "I take it that was a need-to-know fact." He sighed.

"You don't have to do this." I reminded him.

He smiled at me in a thankful way but went on with it anyway. "I told Bells once that sometimes you have to learn to love what's best for you. At the time I thought it was Jacob instead of your father. I'd thought that Edward was the 'bad' and 'dangerous' one. In the end I know I was wrong. And seeing the way that Bella behaves in connection to Edward, even when he left, I can see clearly now that he had always been the one. Those strong feelings of love don't change." I wondered sadly for a moment if he was thinking about Renée before I got caught up in his words again. "I could see it in her eyes always, her love for Edward.

"Nessie, I'm not going to lie to you or myself anymore. I could always tell that you had feelings for Jacob. And I've never known of this other person until now. I don't think _your_ older feelings will disappear either. I think you'll always be thinking of Jake and comparing people to him. I know your mom did with your father. I think Jacob is the one you want. I could be wrong, but I think I'm right about the Jacob thing this time." He smiled wistfully. "I think Jacob will always be the one who's good for you, like it was always Edward for your mother."

I was left reeling by his words. Illogically they made me angry. Why didn't I have any control in my life?

It was in that moment that Sue spoke from the staircase. "Your room's ready." She said warmly. Almost _too_ warmly. She must have felt very bad about offending me.

"Thanks." I said. "I'm going to go up there to think." I smiled at Charlie once and at Sue when I passed her on the stairs.

But when I finally made it into my mother's room I let out an unconscious hiss. I'd heard about this room many times before, I'd also of course seen it when I'd visited here before, but the idea of sleeping in my mother's bed unsettled me now. I was just _not_ happy with her right now. I didn't want to have to feel exactly the same as her, to feel like I had to think like her. And I did NOT want to end up like she had. I wanted a choice in who I ended up with.

I couldn't lie to myself. I knew that if I chose to be with the _cringe_ annoying Jacob as of now _cringe_ that we'd be happy. All imprints and mates were perfect together. But they'd been forced that way. They'd had no choice. My mom hadn't even been looking for love when she became so tied to my father.

There was so much I'd _never_ had a choice in. I'd never had a choice on whether or not I wanted to be a vampire, (well, part vampire) I'd never had a choice of getting a serious job in the future because I looked to young. I'd never even had the luxury of having friends because I would leave them eventually. No one had asked me if I wanted to venture away from the Cullens or my parents awhile. No one had asked me if I wanted to be a vegetarian vampire, (though I knew I always would have) I couldn't try my hand at being big and famous. And the worse part was there was so much more! So much more I probably hadn't even _thought_ of. I didn't fit in anywhere. Not even with Nahuel. Seriously, what was I actually _able_ to do?

It was in that moment that I got a text from Josh that changed everything. _Do you want to go to a party I'm throwing?_ It read. _I will tell you that it's a "grown up" party_.

For once my rational and irrational side were on the _same_ side. My anger, depression, acceptance, forgiveness and all uncertainty didn't seem so strongly as defined anymore. It seemed my entire life (or my thoughts just now) had been leading me up to the simple texting of this answer: _I'd love to_.

I'd regret leaving the sanctity of Charlie's home for the rest of my existence.


	19. Chapter 18: Pleads, Partying, Prefaces

**Of Pleads, Partying and Prefaces**

The smell of smoke, alcohol, vomit and a plethora of scents I _didn't_ want to identify abounded. I could tell immediately who had ingested what as it altered their scents. The whole affair made me truly happy of my Hybrid nature. At least I'd never have to worry about a limiting entire change of myself.

It was somewhat disconcerting that certain people's scents seemed different. My sense of smell was something I relied upon entirely especially when it came to the hunt. I wrinkled my nose at the god-awful smells as I stood gawking at the entrance.

"Are you going to come in, Nessie?" I was somewhat shocked that someone like Terra would come to this sort of event. Even more so that she herself was partaking in certain "festivities." I guess it made sense that she would be here in only that it was Josh's party, and she'd never want anyone to feel left out so that explained her invitation for me to enter as well.

I vaguely wondered how Josh had been able to get his father to leave so he could secretly have this party. But upon more speculation it seemed that this was probably the sort of party that his father would _love_. If I went inside would I see him powering down fifty shots? Why had I come here again?

"Nessie?" I could only smile shyly at the expectant look that Terra was giving me. I really did get distracted too much. "You get distracted a lot don't you?"

Terra said that in the same moment that I'd had my similar thought; it in turn made me blush redder than a tomato. "Yeah, I suppose I do."

"Well, are you going to come in?" She squealed reminding me a lot of Alice.

I shook my head in the negative. "No, I don't think I am. I hate to be rude, I haven't even seen Josh yet, but…"

"But what?" I bet even the humans could hear the increase of my rapid heart beat when I heard Josh's voice from behind me. I'd never had such a strong reaction to him before. I wondered if it was because I was trying so hard to not even _think_ of Jacob. Perhaps my leave of Jake was making me see my feelings I'd had for Josh all along. I knew I'd been right! It was so clear that we were meant to be together. Minus the world's unnatural things.

"But… I'm sorry I didn't get you a house warming gift."

He laughed loudly at my lame excuse. "Well, seeing as how this isn't a house warming party I'd say that it's safe to say that you're off the hook. Let's go inside."

The idea seemed as heavenly as it seemed awful. "Shouldn't we wait for all of our group of friends to show up?"

"I didn't invite Jacob if that's what you mean." He said apologetically.

"No, no!" I probably said to weirdly _and_ quickly. "I meant Kelly." I really was stalling but I needed to decipher what I really wanted.

My question was clearly not what Josh wanted to hear. "Kelly wasn't invited."

"Why not-"

"I don't want to talk about it!" He snapped and I immediately shied away from him. The action was ridiculous though. Why should I be afraid of a human?

"You look lovely tonight." He said probably trying to change the subject.

"I'm overdressed." Strangely enough instead of lending me some of her clothes Sue had decided to take me shopping in Port Angeles. Either she was trying to bond with me for Grandpa Charlie, was trying to apologize for suspecting me of being like a typical vampire, or just missed being able to do crazy stuff with Leah. (Their mother-daughter relationship was a little strained at the moment. Mostly due to Leah being away at the moment. But the real reason that Sue couldn't go clothes shopping with Leah anymore was because she was still growing some and her clothes got destroyed when she shifted …) Anyway, Sue had bought me an ensemble that could rival Alice's flair.

"No you're not." He touched my waist tenderly as if he were afraid to break _me_, but the lightness still almost had me jumping out of my skin. "This light violet dress looks amazing with your skin tone. And it hugs your curves in the right sort of subtle way. And it's always nice to see your hair straight." I was close to hyperventilating but part of it wasn't due to his nice attempt at seduction. I recognized the adrenaline that was spiking in my blood and it made me immensely uncomfortable. It felt so weird coming from someone like me. The predator.

"You didn't turn gay on me now, did you?" This moment needed to end _now_. It was far too strange to be pleasurable.

"No, I just want this night to be perfect for you." With that he kissed me and I was surprised and annoyed to find that it felt nice. Even though Josh was being more intense than Jacob… nothing would ever rival the way I felt in his arms. I tried to drown in the kiss anyway.

Ironically enough it was once again Jacob who pulled me from the waves I was starting to feel that I was drowning in.

"You're coming home, _now_." He said quietly. Deadly. It was only then that I realized Josh had been done kissing me for a while now. Bizarre.

I shook my head in hopes of making my mind's cobwebs disperse. I figured I owed it to Jake to at least hear his words out so I excused us and pulled him with me onto the dead street ahead of Josh's boathouse. "How did you find me?" I asked being unable to avoid it.

"I called Josh. I knew you'd contact each other somehow. And I knew you wouldn't have answered your phone if you saw it was _me_ calling. I told him that you had run away and that I needed to find you. I also knew he'd never actually call me back when he _did_ find out where you were. Luckily I heard about his little get together and it made perfect sense that he would invite you hear to spite me. I didn't think you'd actually come here though." He almost lost it at the last part and I had to put what I hoped was a reassuring hand on his shoulder to calm him.

"I didn't have many places _to_ go." I admitted sadly.

"You always do. Come home."

"I can't." I choked back a sob. "I can't face them. It's bad enough facing _you_."

"So that's it? You're just going to runaway from the problem? Forget about all of the good times we've had…"

I leaned my forehead against his and he instantly became silent. "I need some time to sort things out. To sort out who _I_ am. Can you give me that?"

He smiled his most Jacob smile and I knew that Josh could never truly rival my feelings for Jacob. "We have all the time in the world." He promised. It was so easy to forget my troubles in such close proximity of my sun. But ironically I _needed_ to handle my troubles. I needed to embrace the bad. It was the only way I'd be able to see what was _good_.

"Leave Jacob. You're a strong influence in my life. And I need to figure out things without any outside forces." I'd tried to say it tenderly but it was impossible to not see the pain I'd inflicted on him. It killed me but I needed to stay strong. "Please Jake, it's what I want."

He gritted his teeth while he tried to hold himself in place. He couldn't ignore what the desire of his imprint wanted and he would eventually leave me… but he'd delay it as much as he could. "Nessie, how can you know what you want?" He paused slightly before laughing outright. "I think I have a new perspective on your father. The thing is you're too young to truly find yourself, Ness. I'll admit that I don't even know you completely.

"But one thing I know with complete certainty is that this atmosphere is not who you are. So don't waste time with it. You're selfless and good, you're meant to change the world not help in its destruction. Please forsake the dangers you seek. Please."

"Jake…" I said looking down, unable to face him. "You can't respect beauty without knowing it's opposite. Without knowing ugliness. Life is not about being ignorant to all sides of the spectrum. It's the ability to decipher what is right and stand with it. To be good, true and right yourself. Still nothing is concrete. I need to figure out what the right course for my life is. Goodbye Jacob."

With the end of our conversation it seemed Jacob's stamina had also ended. His body was forcing him to leave me: all because of my request.

He had it in him to fight with himself one more time. He grabbed onto my arm and what he said shocked me so still that I was sure I would petrify the way the Volturi and Stefan and Vladimir had. "NO, Renesmee! I know something bad is going to happen. I'm begging you to come with me!" Ever since he'd created my nickname for me he'd only ever called me that. I wasn't even sure if he'd _once_ ever called me by my full name. This fact only seemed to heighten and resonate perfectly with his plea. There was no pain in the world stronger than my own. I truly hated myself. I needed to fix this. But I was at a loss of how to do so.

Kelly had somehow snuck up on me and guided me along with her and away from Jake without my knowledge. With her words… Jake was pushed from my mind.

"I thought you weren't invited to this." I said bluntly. Too hurt by my callousness, of forcing Jacob to leave, that I couldn't filter my thoughts.

"It's a full moon out tonight. Somehow I just knew that he would try tonight."

"What?" I asked beginning to feel irritated.

"Josh's father does not beat him. The only reason that he drinks is because he hates to see Josh's pain. He thinks he's lost his mind."

"Then who does?" It felt as if _I'd_ ingested some drugs, I couldn't make sense of anything anymore.

"I don't know his name. But you're in danger. Josh does not love you. He loved Shaylee. He still does! She was kidnapped but she's still alive. He's trying to save her. And he'll do anything to do so. I think he's going to trade you for Shaylee. His captor has wanted you. And somehow I know tonight is the night-"

"You're being ridiculous Kelly! Why haven't I heard about Shaylee on the news then? Huh? And why would anyone want _me_?" I hadn't meant to lash out at her but I actually _was_ beginning to freak out. Mostly because what she said did sort of make sense in terms with the memory I'd seen of Josh's when I was in my coma. But what threat would a human pose to me? Unless we'd been right all along and there was something wrong with Josh.

"I know you have no reason to believe me. And I'm sorry for the way I treated you at first. To me you were just a slut trying to replace Josh's old girlfriend and my best friend. I'd thought everything Josh had told me then was a lie. After all it's crazy. But… it's true. You haven't heard about Shaylee because everyone's given up hope of finding her. Josh's Dad even asked Shaylee's family to stop their search and they agreed because they all saw what was happening with Josh. The guy who wants you, he desires you because you're one of the rare Vampire Hybrids!"

"I don't know what you're talking abou-"

I didn't finish the sentence as my thoughts were interrupted by the sound and sight of flashing police sirens. Clearly someone had reported on the minors drinking alcohol because to my right I saw a boy from my Sociology class – Ray Jalden was hiding as many beer bottles in his coat pocket as possible.

It really did feel like I'd already ingested some poisonous substances because what I did next surprised me to no end. I ran towards Ray and stole one of the bottles out of his hand and instantly started downing it. I wanted this to end. I didn't want to have to worry about Kelly's insane story or that she somehow knew what I was. I didn't want to think about all of the things that happened with Josh and how much it actually had affected my family. I absolutely refused to think about how I'd hurt _them_. Most of all I needed to burn an image out of my mind but it was actually more than one. I couldn't bare to see them anymore: the way I'd been hurting Jacob so much lately, the look he wore on his face when we'd gotten into the fight after I'd learned he'd imprinted on me.

How I hated myself. I'd hated that he'd imprinted on me to no end. Yet, I'd just used that against him. I'd used our bond to force him to leave me. And that was the most painful image I'd ever bear. It was so much like the way Sam had used to force Jacob to do things. But those stories were so much tamer. This time Jacob's love had hurt him in the worst way possible.

It wasn't until the alcohol was gone that I started feeling its effects. It felt like I was in a fog. But not even my sharp eyes could see through it. My senses had been dialed down. And somehow I knew that I was now weaker than a _human_ in some ways.

At least it kept my perfect vampire memory from playing my worst moments in a loop.

To my shock, Terry grabbed the bottle from my hands and started yelling at me. "Do you have any idea how reckless that was? You drank a whole bottle of beer in like a second! You're already in danger enough… I'll never be able to live with myself!" I wasn't sure if I'd imagined the last part or not. We both seemed to hope I _hadn't_ heard that.

It was then that Josh intervened. Where he'd disappeared to before or where he'd come from now I had no idea. "Terra, I'm going to take her to the other party now. You know the backup one that we were counting on having to use." He said those words with an urgency I didn't understand. Terra. I now remembered was her correct name looked heart broken and I was instantly wary. Well, as much as I could be in my drunken state. "We don't want the police to find the alcohol in her system." Josh continued on. It was so obvious he was lying.

I was distracted when I heard Kelly say something to me that I couldn't make out. She glared at Terra and Josh and then ran off.

In my distractedness I was incredibly shocked to feel a pressure on the back of my neck. There weren't any mythical creatures around and they were the only one that could affect my marble skin. I didn't have much time to sort that thought through though as before I could figure why my skin had become softer… I'd lost consciousness.

As I woke up I could instantly tell that the alcohol in my system was slowly starting to ware off. I was completely coherent now and my body was starting to function more properly… but I felt I was missing something important.

"Josh where I we going?" I thought he was going to crash the car at the sound of my voice.

"The party has been relocated." He said breathlessly. It was strange because he was driving. It wasn't like he'd just gotten done running a marathon.

"Tell me about Shaylee and tell me about _me_." I ordered.

He looked at me in a confused manner. "What?"

"Why did you go from dating the love of your life to me? Did we have something in common? How come I've never met her?" Yes, things were slowly starting to come back to me. And I was instantly feeling irritated. The feeling intensified tenfold as we were soon enveloped in silence.

"She had a gift. When people were close to each other she could form a connection. When connected we could access parts of the human mind that one usually can't. We had powers and we could show each other our thoughts."

I was shocked by his admission. Had someone from the Volturi taken her? Surely she would have been even more gifted as an immortal.

"So you know about my gift then." I ascertained. Somehow I just knew that someone who had dated someone like that wouldn't settle for normal when the person had been ripped from his or her lives. "That's why you want me?"

"I can't imagine anyone not wanting someone as different as you." He once again spoke in a strange way. "Your power is incredible. I saw it when I kissed you. You regard me too highly."

"No," I corrected. "The world just regards each other too lowly." I took that moment to look out my window and sure enough the car was careening to a stop. Funnily enough I realized that where we were at… it was the same as my locker combination.

We were on fourth street and the building's address was thirty-three twenty-nine.

Josh took my hand as he led me to the strange building's entrance. Most of my memories from earlier in the night had resurfaced. And I truly did know that Josh had set me up. With who I didn't know but I was happier pretending we truly were going to a party.

As much as I wanted to hate him I was incapable of it. I knew he'd been the victim. And if he was bringing me here it was for something important and I had enough faith in my abilities to be able to face this situation head on, the way I'd always planned, since I unwillingly admitted to myself that there was something amiss with Josh. I knew Josh, and I knew he was good so I would help him.

In some ways I felt this way because I'd been nothing of helpful to my family lately. I needed to do good for someone. And either way I had to protect my family. If there was a something bad in town it may cause turmoil for us. And if someone did want to mess with me… I would end that problem. Right Now.

Josh distracted me from my thoughts. "I'll meet you in there. I have to go back and get something."

Of course he'd be unwilling to see his puppet master again. He'd been in this nightmare long enough. I wondered if Kelly's words about Shaylee were true…

"That's fine." It wasn't a lie. Once again I was pretending everything was okay. I waited until Josh had left in his car before going through the building's door. It was childish and naive but I didn't want Josh to be near when I did find out for sure that he'd sold me out. I grabbed the doorknob absentmindedly and upon taking one step in the front room I'd fallen through the floor.

There actually was no _floor_. It was more similar a sunroof than a floor. As soon as I'd fallen down into the second floor a steel barrier had raised cutting off the place where I'd just fallen from.

It was like a scene from a horror movie. Which was ironic because in a way I'd always been part of one because of what I was… This scenario was quite intense seeing as how it took a lot to trap me. And I _was_ trapped. My limbs still hadn't recovered enough to break through the steel above me. And it would have hard enough to break apart the steel of the above floor anyway. I would have had to broken some of it amidst many jumps. It wasn't like I had something to stand on to claw at it or anything that would have worked.

Before I had time to think about breaking down the walls of the floor I was _on_, (as there were no doors or windows at all on this floor) I was instantly assaulted with the scent of a vampire. It made no sense. Every member of the family had passed this building before. How had we never smelled that a vampire had been around it? How had I not smelled it before I'd entered this place? And why was the scent slightly off?

A figure moved in the shadows and spoke in a chilling voice. "Hello, Renesmee. I've been waiting for this day."


	20. Chapter 19: Tomorrow's Aurora

**Tomorrow's Aurora**

I'd heard much about adrenaline in just one short year. It had come up as a topic of importance many times in my Biology class. I never thought I'd be able to feel its existence in myself though. After all, less blood ran through my veins than in a human. So how was it possible I was feeling adrenaline now?

In one short moment I'd realized the voice, whomever it belonged to, wanted to hurt me. And there was only one logical way to escape this situation. The floor above me hadn't closed by itself. There had to have been some master switch. I was about ninety-nine point nine percent certain Mr. Creepy sounding vampire had the switch on his person.

"Who are you?" I said a bit too loudly for vampire ears.

In recognition of this the vampire whooshed up to me and said, "No need to shout. There aren't any humans here. My name is Malachite." Upon looking at, Malachite who was now too close for comfort, I noticed something immediately. He looked _too_ normal. His black-cropped hair had too much luster, his face was too angular, his shoulders too broad, and his body too lean. He was heartbreakingly beautiful like all of our kind, but… there was something wrong with him.

I took steps away from his alien presence until my back came to rest on the wall directly behind me. His _white_ eyes shone humor. "_What_ are you?" I reconsidered my initial question.

"Your senses shouldn't be that underdeveloped, half-breed. Can't you tell I'm a vampire?" His tone had no trace of malice. He vaguely reminded me of Aro and his "over polite" exterior. Despite his façade though, Aro was quite prideful and I noted that Malachite had been too when he'd spoken of what he was.

"You're one of the ancient ones." I said putting two and two together.

"Correct. But I am more than that. I was never changed into a vampire. I was created this way. One of the first of our kind… well, half of _your_ kind."

Once again I noted something else in the way he'd spoken. When he'd spoken of my difference from regular vampires he'd looked at me as if I were the most appetizing thing he'd ever seen.

I was in grave danger. But I was not stupid. I'd never be able to win in a fight against this man in my hampered alcoholic state.

And seeing as how he was an ancient, and had survived for billions of years I knew I would have been in over my head had I been _sober_. Yes, there was definitely something alien about this man. His bizarre white eyes seemed even more daunting. I had to keep him talking. "Why are your eyes white?" I asked the first thing that came to my mind.

He smiled in a gorgeous way and I knew I should have been even _more_ scared with his forced congeniality. "Perhaps saying I was a vampire was the wrong sentiment. I'd like to believe I'm more than that. I'm a vampire of vampires, a slayer to witches, a glutton to werewolves, I thirst for the shape shifters you love, and I suppose I am a traditional vampire by drinking from humans too. Soon though I'd like to think that I'll be a master at savoring a Hybrid's sweet life force elixir.

"You see over the years human blood has become tedious. So I started trying to drink from other creatures. After successfully trying every kind of animal I could I moved on to _other_ beings. It was hard at first, and I wrestled with the delusions that encompassed me for straining against what nature dictate I digest. But let's just say that my body's adapted."

For the first time in my life I felt what it meant to have your blood run cold.

Malachite didn't notice my fear, or at least didn't let on as he said, "Oh, I'm sorry. That still didn't answer your question did it? My eyes are white because the last thing I drank was another vampire's venom. That turns your eyes white. Perhaps it has to do to with our snowy skin."

I ran over everything this predator had said to me in hopes that I'd find someway to save myself. Fury flew through me when I realized something. "You were the first vampire that the Quileutes ever came across weren't you? You started everything with them. That's how you've tasted their blood… but the legend said they killed you."

Malachite seemed elated that he could finally explain his survival tactic. "At the time they thought they'd killed me, But fortunately I had begun my tryst into drinking the life source of other supernatural beings. They thought they'd seen the last of me when my ashes had been scattered about. But some how something from someone allowed my ashes to come together again and recreate me. Or perhaps it's because I'm one of the ancient ones he trailed off… regardless you should know legends aren't always one hundred percent accurate. The only bad thing was that I lost my sweet mate in the nonsense that followed."

Inspiration began to strike me but I tried my best to root it away. I couldn't let the glee that my new idea for survival evoked in me; I couldn't allow it to give me away. "So what? After your mate died you got bored and decided to continue your strange idea of drinking from every creature by moving here and seeing what came near your doorstep?"

"You're smart." He allowed. "I figured out it was actually easier to sit by and let what ever happened happen. And around this area… it seems the perfect place for supernatural beings to pop up. It can be hard though since I don't leave this place anymore. And it can get tiring waiting for something new to show up. Over the years I've gotten informants like your Josh. Though I'm sure you already figured that one out." I'd meant to press more into that issue but he continued. "I'm just so glad you're finally here, Nessie. Your kind is so rare. And now my dream of devouring one of you is going to come true."

"How'd you even know I was here? And how come no vampire has ever caught your scent here? Why couldn't I smell you on Josh?" I was frantic now. It seemed as if his patience was wearing thin now. And I needed to wait for the opportune moment to…

"My senses seemed to be more developed than vampires that had to be turned. I caught your scent the moment you came into town. After all you _have_ to pass this building to enter the city. And I have to admit that I was ecstatic when I did smell you. I'd heard the legend of the Incubus and the half-breed babies like yourself, but I never truly believed it. Until I smelled your unique scent that is.

"For the first time in a long time I ended up leaving this place and followed you one day. When I found out you were strangely going to the high school I quickly figured out who the most 'popular' kid was and 'enlisted' his help."

"You're lying." I accused. "If you'd followed me I know I would have smelled you…"

Malachite smiled crookedly and it was almost humorous how unappealing it was compared to the one my father used and in retrospect a lot of the family now used. "I have a gift called 'shadowing.' It allows me to be able to cover anything that might lead to me being found."

"That's why we couldn't smell you on Josh." I spoke mostly to myself. It also explained why Alice's visions were messed up when it came to him. And why my father could only see daffodils and rainbows in Josh's thoughts. Malachite explained another mystery to me.

"Yes, but you could still sense the power I was enveloping him in and it probably made you wary. Until you got used to it that is.

"I'll tell you, that Josh is a peace of work. I kidnapped his girlfriend Shaylee at the beginning of your school year. After explaining to him and showing him that the world wasn't as safe as he thought it was… well let's just say he readily agreed to sacrifice you to get the freak of a girl back.

"Of course he was stark raving mad at first. Everyone had thought he'd just lost his mind due to the kidnapping and his dad was the worst off. He would drink himself silly so he wouldn't have to acknowledge his son's 'insanity' and pain. I have to say such human ordeals didn't help with his pleads to just let him and Shaylee be. I much enjoyed this whole scenario. I imagine he turned his anger to you? I doubt her was very 'civil' to you at first."

Now that I thought about it he had seemed indifferent. Maybe he was trying to convince himself… Malachite answered my thought for me. "I told him what you and your coven were and he probably tried to see you as a monster at first so he'd have no qualms of betraying you. But then he had to end up actually liking you." Malachite sighed dejectedly.

"He confronted me at one point. He actually tried to fight me and I of course had to keep him in line so I hurt the fellow quite a bit. You see, he'd realized that he had no proof that Shaylee was still alive and he didn't want to hurt you so he said he was done playing my puppet.

"In the end I'd allowed him to talk to Shaylee on the phone. He'd informed her of everything and in a very selfless gesture she tried to get him to forget about her. It only fueled his desire to save her. I believe that's about the time you called. Lightning struck then and it caused a glitch, I know you heard through the three-way line her unfaultering pleads for him to do the right thing and not save her." I cringed remembering how freaked out I'd been when I'd been party to that strange event.

"I was worried then. Worried that you would start piecing things together so I got even more help. Terra was more than willing to help her friends Josh and Shaylee after I'd scared her silly. And then I simply threatened a random guy: Clyde's life so he agreed to help. I thought at prom they'd finally all bring you in. But that Kelly girl had to make a pest of herself. I don't know at what point she ended up believing Josh's early rambling retells but she eventually started spying on my three cohorts and I guess she probably tried to worn you. The mutt tried to worn you too, yet he knew no details. Those dogs do seem to have a good sense of foreboding."

I drew in a sharp intake of breath. _Jacob_. I'd been so wrapped up in the story that I'd forgotten about my plan. I knew it meant more to him for me to live than it did for _me_. I had to survive this, I had to… he'd tried so hard to…

"It shocked me that you invited Josh to go cliff diving with you. I thought after my little minions weird actions at your prom due to that obnoxious Kelly that you would be wary of him. I was almost certain then that that would be the time he brought you in. But then he had a noble moment and tried to make you guess that something was wrong, or perhaps he tried to end his life to spare everyone else, so he jumped off the cliff. I would have tried to beat him for that if my shadow power hadn't hurt him so much.

"I don't know what happened. Water on occasion has been thought to be holy. Perhaps it tried to dispel what I was evilly trying to cover up. Apparently the shadow I had around him almost killed you both. I felt it myself as it was happening. Since I was shadowing Josh he was always linked to me. How boring it would have been if you died there of something as silly as loss of oxygen!"

I once again cringed. That day had been truly unpleasant. If just his power uncontrolled could do such a thing… I should have figured things out that day. I remembered when I'd felt sick because of a certain scent that day… it'd been because some of the shadowing had been rubbed off Josh! I had smelled some of Malachite's repulsive stench! And it truly was repulsive. But that's what happened when you literally seemed to become what you ate. When you went entirely against nature. Just then another idea seemed to come to me. I once again tried to shake off my speculations. And I'd been wrong in the past anyway. It almost seemed like fate wanted me to die. What were the chances that out of everyone it was pawn Josh I'd "fall" for. Or that I would stupidly be so confused and irritated by the imprinting conundrum that I practically lead myself here. What was the chance that Clyde would have been my singer? Or that I would get drunk when I needed to be at my best? Ugh. The only worthwhile thing that had happened had been in regards to Kelly. I had to survive this. To thank and apologize to her.

"After Josh had healed some from the cliff dive I said he either brought you now or I'd kill Shaylee. And now you're here. I'm a man of my word and after I've had the pleasure of dispatching you I'll tell him where he can find her. Would you believe that she's been here this whole time? There's a floor under this one…" And my plan was fully intact.

"All in good sport?" I murmured.

Malachite frowned at that. "You should know that they really didn't want to hurt you, Nessie. Don't die thinking that. Even in the beginning Josh thought of going to your coven. Even when he thought you were all vampires like me. He wanted to do the right thing but his world was in a mess: it wasn't like the police or FBI could have helped either. Once he learned more about you, I know he would have gone to your family if he didn't fear they'd want to kill him or the other two, or Shaylee for what they'd tried to subject you to. If there was more time I think he _would_ have gone to your family. And by shadowing Clyde and Terra I think they would have figured it out too. And how inconvenient that would have been! The whole point of this was to not alert them. It makes it more fun and safer for me for having played this game." He took a breath and then smiled at me. And before I could register it I could feel him trying to rip my arm off.

I once again had been distracted by his story and was now unequipped to deal with this. Damn vampire mind! I should have known there'd be nothing to distract _him_ after his villainous monologue.

I knew it was a bad idea to fight the way I was now, that I had a far better plan. But my mind went into predatory mode. I loosened his grip on my arm and stepped even farther against the wall (somehow) and then I lunged at him. It was strange to hear the animalistic noises coming from my chest and throat. I continued to cry out when he tried to detach my limbs. And I hated that despite my efforts _he_ wasn't making enough of the same cries.

As he tried to make me possible for me to go through the wall (it sure felt like it anyway) I wondered if that would be a better plan. If he could plow a hole through the wall I could run. But to where? I couldn't endanger my family. Despite the words that Malachite had spoken I wondered if my family could really stand a chance. After all his ashes had reformed him! Maybe it was impossible to kill an ancient. Unless my theory was true. Unfortunately it didn't seem like I'd ever get to test it. My thoughts had distracted me but it felt like there was now a hole running through _me_. I wondered why he just didn't drink from me already. I almost wished he would. I was in great pain now and I knew I wouldn't survive this no matter how more durable I was than humans. I'd signed my death warrant by touching the alcohol.

As my vision wavered many things became clear to me. I'd never loved Josh. I'd just wanted to be human. I'd loved that _about_ him. I didn't love him. I'd also felt the need to save him. I couldn't deny it to myself anymore. Despite all I'd ever thought about myself I'd always secretly liked many of the things that came with being a Vampire Hybrid. It was true that being half human gave you some disadvantages compared to full vampires. There were a lot of advantages, though. Being very rare was one thing; there was just something about it. I could easily recall some words spoken by Rosalie after I was born. The words ignited that same good feeling as well: 'She is also the most_ un_spoiled half-vampire in existence, the beauty of being one of a kind_._' At the time we hadn't known that there were others too. Being only half also gave you freedoms full vampires didn't have. I could blend in with humans very easily, and that was very beneficial. My favorite, however, was always that Alice couldn't really see my future. I'd loved the feeling of knowing that. It made me feel like my future could be anything I wanted it to be.

Now I would have traded anything to allow Alice to have full sight over the future. _Alice couldn't see me._ _No one would hear my screams._ And I wished more than anything I were as strong as a full vampire, so I'd have some chance. _I wouldn't live._ _They'd never even find me. And I'd never see _him_ again._

Jacob. I loved him. I didn't know why that fact hadn't always been common knowledge. Jacob was my sun, my perfect match because he saw the good in me that didn't exist. He was the only thing that ever had and ever _would _make my life truly worthwhile. I had acted so unforgivably to him lately and I had no way of fixing it.

I wished I _would_ live. Because irrationally I knew that he needed me to. He couldn't live without _me_. I owed him so much and it seemed that I was the only thing I could give him. Why had I ever been angered thinking that I hadn't had a choice in who I ended up with? Jacob was the only choice. And I knew he never would have imprinted on me if I hadn't been _me_. So I'd been wrong about that too.

Honestly it felt like _he_ should have been the one that thought imprinting on me being wrong. After all he'd had less choice in the matter. Who would want to imprint on anyone as flawed as me? _He_ was _mine_…

I stopped that thought instantly. Despite how clear I was now seeing things, something occurred to me that trumped all other thoughts. Who cared how we'd ended up together? I'd always thank fate for allowing me him. And I knew my sweet Jake would feel the same way. More than anything I wished I could have time. The time to show him that _I_ was _his_. But I knew I didn't have that time now. I would die and I only hoped that I'd get to see him in the after life. My life had begun it what felt like, what my parents referred to as a breaking dawn. And I knew that I'd only be able to see Jacob in tomorrow's dawn. Tomorrow's Aurora. After all the pain of this world had gone away.

"Do you have any last words?" Malachite asked me too sweetly. It was then that my plan came to the forefront of my mind. I'd planned on using my gift to distract him enough to steal the switch from him that opened the floors and find a way out. I rationalized the floor that Shaylee was on would be the one that could lead best to an escape. After all she was human and needed things like air. I would have escaped down to her floor, freed her and then taken off with her. Perhaps to Italy. I couldn't imagine even the psycho Volturi to want _this_ psycho to live. But then again I knew why he was psycho. The loss of one's mate was traumatic. If I could distract him through the feeling of love he'd lost…

I knew with my recent epiphany I would have been able to win Malachite over with my display of love for Jacob. However, I was too weak to even move my hand to his cheek to show him my mind. I concentrated on what Nahuel had told me, on how I'd felt when I'd shown Jacob my thoughts outside of my head.

Almost instantly we were both encompassed in a long show of memories. They played in the entire room. I cried upon seeing my beautiful Jacob and whispered his name in prayer and in mourning. This was my chance; Malachite was distracted through feeling what I felt for Jacob. A feeling he'd lost with his mate.

It would have been insanely easy to leave now. But I was far too injured to even imagine myself leaving. Despite my best efforts I was going to die.

I wanted Jake and my family to live as long as possible. But once again I knew I'd only be able to see them in the afterlife. I prayed for that tomorrow. I prayed for tomorrow's aurora.


	21. Chapter 20: Hospital Holding

**Hospital Holding**

I was instantly aware that I was not in my bed from home. The smells of hospital scrubs, medications and cleaning products instantly made me wary. _Not again!_ I thought. Sure last time, I _had_ actually been at the house and my cover had been safe. And even if that was the case now, _I was in too much pain to care_. And I wouldn't even consider the possibility that my cover might have been blown.

It took a half second for the thought to hit me. _Why was I in pain?_ No, the better question was how? I bolted upright in my bed immediately. I gasped out of shock and happiness when I saw who I did. "Nahuel?"

"Oh, thank God!" His remark shocked me. I'd never seen him so emotional before.

I could practically feel my facial features freeze. I finally remembered everything.

"How did you save me!" My shock made me sound less thankful than I truly was.

"That's actually why I'm here. They called me as soon as they'd found your location. I wanted to be here and help as much as I could. It was hard to relay such important information to them in such a dramatic time…" He trailed off upon seeing my confused expression. "Perhaps I should start from the beginning.

"The girl, Kelly, told Jacob everything she knew about the boy Josh and the vampire that was holding you captive. She told Jacob that you were in grave danger but she didn't know where you were. Seeing no other alternative to find you he ended up calling me. He remembered what you'd said about me teaching you how to alter your powers.

"Your parents and Alice all worked together to find you after I explained it to them. You see, your mother learned that her shield also protects her from anything that can lead her to distress. That's really what allowed us to save you. Your parents linked powers and her power allowed your father access into your mind even though you weren't in close proximity. After that, Alice and your father linked powers and it allowed her to see your future for once. She had a vision as to your location and Jacob took off to find you immediately. He seemed to get there just in time. Ironically, though, your family didn't even need to locate you. Within minutes after he left, Josh and Terra came and told them everything."

"They did all of that for me?" I asked perplexed. I knew it was a ridiculous question, but I instantly felt like I was in a haze.

"Nessie, _anyone_ would feel distressed if something happened to you."

"Where are my parents, anyway?" I asked curiously.

"Using so much power took a lot out of them and Alice. They're recovering at home. They'd be here if they could."

"Wow." I said with even more shock emanating into my voice. In my somewhat dazed state I seemed to be only capable of bizarre thoughts. "I suppose that explains why Terra was going to talk to Jacob at the party."

Nahuel laughed loudly. "_That_ made you jealous, Nessie. Really?"

I laughed loudly too. I really didn't have a right to be jealous. Not with the way I'd treated Jacob and how heavily jealous of Josh I'd undoubtedly made him. And I instantly hated myself. Nahuel liked me too. Was there anyone I hadn't hurt?

"So tell me about your life lately." I said pleasantly. I really was curious, but I was also hoping to hear that he was fine despite the fact that I'd hurt him in the past.

"I've been doing well. Although, if I ever got that jealous when it comes to Leah, _I_ might be a problem."

I probably resembled a fish the way I gaped at him. "Leah!" It certainly made sense why the pack may have been uneasy about Leah's imprint. Not only because there had never been a girl wolf to imprint in recorded history (there'd never been a girl _wolf_ in recorded history). But because the wolves only had a truce with us, whether Nahuel was "vegetarian" or not.

"I had to chase her half way around the Earth to win her heart, but it was worth it."

"Nahuel I'm so happy for you both!" He hugged me tightly as we both shared in his joy. "So, you never did tell me what you're capable of now." I changed the subject, but to another joyful one.

Nahuel smiled sweetly at me. "I'm completely telekinetic now. I used to only be able to move small metal things, but no-"

"Can I come in?" I felt like I was looking at a ghost when I saw Josh standing in the doorway.

"I'll give you two a minute."

Josh jumped slightly when Nahuel vanished with vampire speed and I worried that he might always be traumatized. I couldn't help but smile when he just shook his head and laughed.

The two of us stood by each other in an awkward silence as we tried not to say anything stupid. Finally it was Josh who broke the silence. "You don't have to worry. Kelly, Terra, um… Lyle, Shaylee and I won't say anything."

"Oh, that's not… how am I in a hospital, anyway?"

"Your grandfather Carlisle wanted to bring you here as they didn't know what to expect when your type was injured. Even that guy Nahuel didn't know. Carlisle brought you here for the best medical devices. However, only he is looking into your case. He said that he was overseeing it as you can't have certain things done for religious reasons. Your cover's safe."

"Thank you." I hoped this sincerity could be heard in my voice. It was just hard to come to terms with what he knew and apparently had for awhile. It was weird being able to be myself around him. Before I would have given anything for him to know me, but now…

"Thank Shaylee for helping me to connect to Malachite." I wasn't sure where this information was coming from. But somehow when I said what I did, I knew that it was right.

"Sure. She said she'd been trying the same thing that you did. To reach out to his broken heart and get him to let her go. It seems you two were an unstoppable team."

"She's safe then?"

"Yes, you're Jacob followed both our scents and found you both. Admittedly he had to break a few floors to get to you, that's what he said anyway."

"Shaylee seems amazing. Without her help in distracting Malachite, I could be dead…"

I trailed off when he shook his head. "Why are you doing this? Why are you treating me so well after what I did to you?"

"Simple." I smiled in hopes of lightening his mood. I know what it feels like to love someone as much as you do Shaylee. If the roles were reversed, I would have done the same thing to save my Jacob.

"But I know even then I would have tried to save you too, Josh. In both scenarios we would have become friends. And you have to remember that you _did_ try to help me. You tried to worn me on the cliff and you went to my family merely hours ago in an effort to save me. I can't imagine how hard that must have been for you. My kind can be quite scary. And even when you suspected we weren't like traditional vampires it still would have been hard to go to my family and admit your aiding in my kidnapping. You're a good person, Josh. If the roles were reversed I know you would have forgiven me. And I forgive you. There was nothing to forgive in the first place."

"But…"

"All of this was destiny, Josh. I know that now. If this would have happened with other people…

"Look, al I can say is that we were meant to be friends. We were meant to get through this together. If seeing each other's memories isn't proof of that, then I don't know what is. It couldn't have happened with anyone else. You being you helped save everyone."

He kissed me lightly on the lips. I was so shocked that I couldn't help touching my own lips when he was done.

"I think you're right," he said. "I think I knew it all along. Despite all of the bad things that came along with it I am truly glad that I met you, Ness. You're a great friend, a great person, and it's not only your memories I viewed that tell me that. I love ya, Nessie."

"Me too." I said amidst tears.

"I'm going to marry Shaylee. The two of you were an unstoppable team back there and I think you two could be great friends. Will you come to the wedding?"

"Not afraid to marry young?" I joked. I imagined I sounded like my mother when she had had qualms about getting married. Or so I'd been told she'd felt that way.

"I think after all of this we can make it work." Josh was suddenly suppressing laughter. "Your father actually told Shaylee and I that we're mates. He said that he could hear it in the way we thought about each other. He also said that mating for life was rare for humans.

"Now I know he might not be too happy with me… but he didn't kill me. And I am your friend so I think we can take his words at point value." Josh and I both laughed together.

"When did you talk to my overprotective father?" I couldn't hide the amazement I felt in that fact. I sure would have loved to be present for _that_ conversation.

"He told me all of this when I, along with Terra and Clyde, had come to alert your family to your situation. I was really shocked. He'd been in a weakened state at the time too… you know, I still think he and Jacob can be over goading with you at times. Perhaps the only reason he didn't kill me was because of his understanding of what it is to be mates." Josh chuckled at the end of his words and I realized that I'd missed some of other ones.

I couldn't care.

When he'd spoken the name of my Jacob he'd had the tiniest hesitation before saying it. If my senses weren't so strong I wouldn't have picked up on it. I instantly realized that I'd been fooling myself in thinking that _everything_ had turned out right. My mind must have been trying to protect itself. "Jacob's hurt isn't he?" Even without hearing Josh admit to my fears, I knew that it was true. He would have been here if he were at all able. My blood began to run cold. I forgot how to make oxygen enter and exit my lungs. I'd learned from my cliff diving exercise that I needed oxygen to live.

I couldn't care.

No. NO. NO! Jacob. JACOB. JACOB! My mind was instantly playing in a loop.

Josh's face had effectively lost its color. "I though you knew."

I didn't waste another second as I bolted towards the door. I did pause once though. Josh's words having startled me. "You've changed. But you're still the same. It seems you're accepting things for what they are." I turned to face Josh but he motioned me away. "Go to the one you really want to be with_. I'll_ be with Shaylee."

I felt guilty for keeping us from the places we belonged, but once again I felt a pull to Josh. The one that had been there all along: friendship. The need to help Josh. I said, "You've changed too, Josh. You've matured exponentially. However you didn't lose yourself in all of this. I'm glad."

I allowed myself to see Josh's parting smile before I let the anguish rush in. I let my ears zero in on the sound of Jacob's heartbeat. It had always been so similar to mine; one of the reasons it had always been the sound that ruled my life. It was the sound that would always rule my life. It terrified me that the rhythm was somewhat off.

What _destroyed_ me most was the fate that had been bestowed on my Jacob because of me. "Jacob!" I cried, throwing myself to his side. I could barely care to be gentle even when I was aware of all of his broken bones. Had anyone _ever_ been in so many braces? "Jake, I'm so sorry! I'm so sorry for everything! I'm so awful. I'm a tyrant! I'm Woundwort from _Watership Down_." In my state I could no longer hold onto coherency.

"No, Ness. You're Hazel. He always put his bunnies first, and tried to do what was best for them. He made some mistakes, but everyone does. In the end it all worked out for him. It's all worked out for us."

"Jake!" I was probably hugging him too tightly, but I couldn't stop myself. He at least didn't complain. Jacob was my Bigwig. Strong, supportive, intelligent. How I loved my "bunny." I squeezed Jacob even tighter at the thought. Jacob winced as I blanched.

"These injuries are worth you being alive. But I'll admit that I'll never get used to Carlisle re breaking my bones so they'll set right. It seems you got your mother's affinity for bad luck, hospital visits, and near death experiences. It definitely seems some of that has sprinkled on me." He laughed though I didn't understand how he could. "You're worth it, Kiddo." He answered my un spoken question and I couldn't help but marvel at how well he knew me and snuggle up with him at the thought. Jacob took my motion as encouragement. "So, do you want to know how I defeated that son of a bitch and saved you?" He asked hopefully.

It was funny. Ever since I'd woken up I'd thought about the situation revolving him, but not Malachite himself. "How did you defeat him?" I asked truly curious. "I thought that him being an ancient vampire made him immune to death."

"Well, it wasn't easy." Jake reasoned. "But I owed that son of a bitch for all he'd put my ancestors through."

"So you figured out his part in our people's history." I said pleased.

"Somehow I just knew it had all started with him… anyway, it was a pretty hard fight as you can see. But I figured out whatever creature's blood he has most recently had… it makes him more or less like them. I cut myself and got some of my own blood into him. Though we do heal I knew it was a long shot that we would from a decapitation." He laughed some at his genius and I fell myself falling in line with it. "My plan worked and Malachite is gone for good."

I was instantly horrified after playing the scene in my head. "Jake if he would have gotten any venom on or in you it would have killed you! I'm _not_ worth it."

"Yes you are. It's like I said before, Ness. You're my everything. Without you I have nothing. I have no fear, no feeling, no life. A man without all of these things is a man without hope. And what are we without hope?"

"I love you, Jacob."

"How I've waited to hear you say that! I love _you_, Renesmee."

Once again I was shocked to hear him use my full name, but this time it ignited a good feeling. And in that moment I knew neither of us would be able to hold out long.

We didn't.

Jacob and I kissed with a passion that could have burned down the entire hospital. I reveled in the heat he possessed – a heat that was the same as mine. For the first time in my life I had an overwhelming sense that everything was _right_. I was exactly where I was supposed to be. When the kiss ended Jake and I both laughed – still in a dazed stupor.

"So what changed, dare I ask?" Jacob pressed.

I immediately understood what he was asking. " Deep down I always known that I loved you. But I hated that it felt like we were only together because fate pulled certain strings. I thought we only loved each other because we _had_ to.

"But I realized I was wrong. _No one_ has a choice about whom they fall in love with. But it is everyone's choice to choose to love the person they've been given. I realized you and I only _could have_ loved each other for who we are. I don't care how it happened, Jake. But I have to have you. Letting you go… that _would_ be a choice I couldn't live with. As long as we were somehow put together that's enough for me."

He kissed a strand of my hair near his face which soon after we fell into a comfortable silence. "So why do you think the first kill attempt – the one so many years ago – didn't work?" I remembered an earlier thought.

Jake shrugged nonchalantly. "Probably because of the blood he'd had before that. He was probably more something else than vampire at the time. He would have had to have been killed in a different way. Actually, I bet he was more like a witch then." Jake and I both said the last sentence at the same time and smiled about it. This world was crazy. Who knew so many mystical creatures existed? I'd always suspected there were witches, but it just felt weird to now have it confirmed by Malachite through his monologue. I rolled my eyes and wondered if he'd given Jake the same play-by-play he had me. It _was_ a crazy world. But I wouldn't have wanted it any other way.

Both my father and I laughed when he and my mother walked in just as I'd thought what I had. "Josh's right. You _have_ changed, Nessie." My father said acknowledging my new love for this life.

"I'm glad I have." I admitted earnestly. "There's so much I'd shut my eyes to before, but I see clearly now. Our world is magical. It's beautiful. When all of this began… I was worried about losing the beauty of my human side. I never even thought about my vampire side. It's part of me too. And I think I finally found a way for both parts to coexist. I love both worlds. But most importantly I've learned to love myself. For my flaws and perfections."

I was instantly aware that if my mom were capable of crying she would be. "What did I tell you, Edward? I knew she'd figure everything out." Both my parents hugged Jake and me then. As they held on to me I knew the embrace held more meaning than my heartfelt words. I couldn't imagine the agony they must have felt in their fear that I could be taken from them forever. I'd put them through so much lately and my guilt acknowledged it all. I was their little girl, I should have… I stopped that thought right there. I wasn't their little girl anymore. I'd thought that before and been wrong about it. But I knew now, without a shadow of a doubt, I wasn't their little girl anymore. After everything that had happened to me I'd grown up.

I was instantly brought back to reality as my mother spoke to Jake. "Thank you," she said. "You're still my best man, Jake. Thanks for saving Nessie. Thanks for saving everything." When my mother let Jake out of her death grip, my father pretty much echoed her words to him.

Jake smiled broadly at both of my parents before they all returned their attention to me. My mom read something in me before I even knew the thought was there. "It seems like you have something you'd like to say, Ness. Go ahead." She encouraged.

The words fell out of me as if they were a perfectly planned speech. "I take full responsibility for my actions. I messed up. I hurt everyone so much and I hate myself for that." I took a breath to calm myself. "I know I have no right to ask this, but I want to be more involved with the family now. I want to feel equal, not coddled. I wasn't ready before… I am now. I want to officially be a Cullen."

My father smiled at that. "You always were, Nessie. But each of us have gone through phases where we thought we had to unnecessarily gain our spot… Welcome among us, Nessie." He finally complied. I smiled broadly and tears rolled down my face. "By the way," my father continued, "You can call us 'Edward' and 'Bella' if you wish. Even in our cover story you're overly formal about us." My father chuckled.

My mother started speaking as soon as my father finished, "What I said the other day, about being too much your friends when we're foremost your parents… I was wrong. And I empathize as how you felt. Being on the same game level with someone, being friendly with someone is the only way things can work. You _are_ our best friend above our daughter. We love you for who you are. Love you so much. And being friends, we're going to trust you so much more from now on. We'll give you everything… well, in a few months. Unfortunately we have to ground you, sweetie."

"Never thought I'd hear that towards the perfect Nessie!" Jake slightly interrupted my mother and I fought the urge to playfully elbow Jake in the side. I knew I deserved my punishment. I had, after all, blown up at my family, run away from home, gone to a party without adult supervision and had engaged in underage drinking, and to top it all off I'd almost gotten myself and Jake killed.

"Thank you, Mom, Dad." I was glad they didn't see me in a false light anymore. They saw me for who I was and treated me accordingly.

"I never thought I'd hear _that_. My father said. "Someone being glad to be grounded." He smiled affectionately at me. "It looks like you still have to get used to calling us by our names."

I was still shocked my parents had suggested that. Much like I'd been surprised when my mom had caved and called me "Nessie" for the first time. She seemed to use it more and more each day. "I thank you both for that opportunity and choice," I told them. "I know it must weird for you to fathom me calling you by your names. As much as the idea means to me… I can't go through with it. It just doesn't accurately display my love and respect for you. Mom and Dad are the best terms I can bestow on you. And you deserve the best…" I trailed off slightly as I heard low snores. My parents and I all laughed quietly at the sound.

"We'll see you two later then." My mother said. I caught my father with my thoughts before they departed, meaning to apologize for everything. He grabbed my mom's arm and dashed off before I had the chance. I laughed. I should have known they'd forgive me that easily. They were my parents after all. The fact that my father guided he and my mother away before I'd even spoken my words showed that he didn't think I needed to apologize. He probably thought I had nothing to apologize for. He must have understood my good intentions in all of this. And despite my mistakes I had had good intentions. It was a nice feeling to see myself for who I really was.

My mind instantly returned to my sleeping werewolf. Jacob was half of who I was. We were officially each other's now. As I became drowsy myself I'd realized I'd been bad earlier in keeping my protector awake. Knowing Jake he'd say, "being with you is worth lack of sleep even when I am recovering." I could hardly wait to sleep. I would dream of Jake and wake up to him all the sooner where he would undoubtedly prove my assumption right. My life was predictable. But it was the best life I could imagine. I didn't even _want_ to imagine another one anymore. "I love you, Jacob." I whispered against his cheek before kissing it. Before falling asleep in each other's arms I remembered thinking one thing: that I _knew _that this place, nestled in my Jacob's arms, is where I'd always want to be.

**So this is the end. There's still the epilogue left, and that should be uploaded after November. Any last comments, questions, concerns? I could write a book about all of the thought I put into this story, but I won't now. Maybe someday. Maybe if someone asks… Review!**

**No Flames for my failing grammar and punctuation etc. I KNOW it's bad.**

**May the light guide you all;)**

**See you in a month!**

**-Shanna**


	22. Epilogue: Living for You

**Author's Note: Amazing how _The Twilight Saga: The Official Illustrated Guide_ got me into _Twilight _again. I'm so sorry that it took so long to post this, but I wasn't in the right mind to post it until now. I hope you will enjoy the true ending to this story. Once again, thanks to anyone that reviewed, favorited, or added this to their story alert. I never would have got here without all of you. I thank you from the bottom of my heart.**

**Epilogue: Living for You**

It was two months after my graduating that Alice threw her hands up in the air exclaiming, "It's useless!"

Jasper and I had paused the chess game we were playing and sent each other a wary glance. Almost simultaneously, we turned to face Alice. "What is?" Jasper asked preparing to defend Alice from any impending danger.

"I can't figure out how to alter my powers! Maybe it's because I don't remember being human…"

I couldn't help but roll my eyes at the downcast look my aunt had. "Alice, you already taught yourself to see the wolves' future. You also learned how to see things from Nahuel and me. What else do you…"

"I can only do that with Edward and Bella's help. It's not the same!"

I bit my lip against a torrent of words that might set her off. My family_ had _found some interesting abilities lately. My father—with his mind reading ability—had learned how to compel people to do what he wanted. It was unlike dazzling in that no one was able to resist his will.

Jasper—since he actually affected the body with his powers over emotion—could now control people's bodies. As in, he could almost use them as his own vessels.

My mother—as long as she convinced her shield that she was trying to protect herself—could pretty much do _anything_.

I, of course, could let people see my thoughts like a slideshow. I didn't even need to touch them to be able to do it!

Jacob, as we learned months prior, could use his defenses as a shape shifter to use our own powers against us. Nahuel's telekinesis was as impressive as ever, and Emmett and Rosalie were starting to develop powers, too.

I could definitely empathize with how Alice was feeling. It wasn't fun being the odd one out.

"I think you're overreacting, Alice. I mean, the last time you acted like this was when you figured out you couldn't see half-breeds. Be happy you can manage that now."

We all turned to face my father and mother as they entered the room. Alice, however, was glowering at my father and his words. "I am grateful. But seeing as how many of you see my gift as inconvenient, I haven't been looking in either's future. And technically, I can't even see their future without you and Bella's hope. Forgive me if I'm starting to feel helpless."

I crossed over to Alice the moment her words registered in my heart. Hugging her to me, I suggested something I was surprised she hadn't tried yet. "Maybe you should ask Shaylee.

Speaking her name made me smile, and I subconsciously pulled away from Alice. Shaylee and I had become quite close after the Malachite fiasco. I was even more psyched that the black haired, blue-eyed beauty was coming to Jacob and my wedding. Josh, obviously, would be there, too.

"That's true, Alice. Her unique power of connecting people helped Edward, Jasper, Carlisle, Esme, Rose, and Em discover more of their potential."

My father poked my mother in the nose at her words. She giggled, but he still made sure to inform her that she was being "too modest". I could agree to that. Her powers had probably advanced more than all of us. Shaylee was truly a remarkable person.

Alice didn't seem to see it that way though. "Ugh. How is going to someone else, for advice about my own powers, not make me seem weak?"

My ears perked up (not literally, of course) when I heard a deep throaty laugh. Jacob had spent the day in La Push making sure that every one of our friends knew all the details of the wedding. Leave it to Alice to change everything a jillion times. Jacob instantly waked over to me and put an arm around my waist whilst I put one around his shoulders. "I think you're looking at it wrong," the love of my life spoke to Alice, "maybe you should remember that at one time past events would have been future ones. Maybe that's where your potential lies. Seeing the past, that is."

Alice pondered that, and it took but a moment for her eyes to go distant. The room tensed immediately when she began sobbing.

"Alice?" Jasper asked concernedly, "What's wrong?"

Jasper pulled Alice into his arms and she instantly leaned into his touch. "Oh, Jazz… I can see the _past_. More than that, I can see mine. I could have never asked for anything better. Remembering Cynthia…"

Carlisle came down from his study almost immediately. He seemed to want to hug Alice, but didn't know if it'd be appropriate. "Do you regret this life?" Carlisle asked albeit brokenly. Though Carlisle hadn't been the one to change her, he still cared for her as if he'd been her sire. As if this life, if she hated it, would be his fault.

"No. You and Esme are the best parents I could ask for. This is the best _family_ I could ask for. But I probably love you even more now, Bella," she began the last part a bit jokingly, "Bella is a lot like my biological sister." She explained to us all. "Thank you all for being in my life. And thank you Jake. Thanks for cluing me in on how to see my past."

As Jasper and Alice kissed tenderly, I couldn't help but imitate it with Jacob. How I loved him! He was the smartest, sweetest, funniest person. The way he'd helped Alice had only made me love him more.

Ever since Jake and I had become engaged, and to some extent after the hospital, we'd been unable to keep our hands and lips off each other.

The engagement… It had shocked all of our fellow students to learn we were getting married. It shocked Josh and Shaylee most of all. Josh had proposed to Shaylee long before Jacob had popped the question. That didn't mean he'd waited a long time to ask, though.

After we'd cemented our love for each other in the hospital, we'd become nearly inseparable. I imagined Jake might have asked for my hand that very day if we weren't worried about my parents. They had, after all, only had me for seven years. But maybe… maybe they wanted us to get married. It would be an understatement to say the entire year had been dramatic. Maybe they wanted me to be with my loving, protective Jake as much as I did.

A smile played at my lips (when they weren't otherwise occupied) at the thought. My parents were too good. They had, in fact, supplied anything I'd ever want. Maybe that's why they didn't freak out when I told them, the last week of school, that I was marrying Jake.

Being unable to wait anymore, Alice had been quick to setup a wedding. And now, in a few days time, I would be Mrs. Black. I could hardly wait!

I pulled away somewhat when I heard Esme, Rose, and a grudging Emmett enter from outside. Emmett was carrying many wedding utensils in his outstretched hands. The bridesmaid dresses immediately had my main attention. I'd chosen to have a wedding that centered on the sun. Accordingly, the dresses where shades of yellow, red, orange, and blue. Jacob was my personal sun, and I saw no reason to not dedicate the wedding to him. And so it was.

I'd chosen my mother for maid of honor mainly because of our heart to heart in the hospital. She had been so right in saying that we were best friends. Rose, Alice, Esme, Kelly, Terra, and Shaylee would all where red, orange, or yellow, but my mother would wear the lone blue one. It amazed me how the dresses, though the same style, had been tailored by Alice to fit the girls like a glove. If we didn't have to remain inconspicuous, I would have told Alice to be a wedding planner eons ago. She, after all, was the main person orchestrating the event. Rose, Esme, and my mother helped, too. But when Alice had a vision, there was no stopping her. I was oddly thankful for that. It was going to be spectacular.

At hearing Jacob bark out a laugh, I returned my attention to what was happening around me. When I heard Emmett say something about "son" in regards to Jake, I had to stifle a laugh. Was he too seeing that Jacob was the sun incarnate?

"Son of a bitch!" Emmett finished. "Jake, I hate your best man. He's more of a challenge at video games than _you_ are. I swear I'll throw the cake at his face by the end of this day!"

Rosalie's eyes resembled knives as she glared daggers at her mate. "Do that and you'll be celibate longer than you can imagine." When she smiled at me, I couldn't help but remember why I loved our family so much. We were all so fun together!

"I'd be more scared of Alice, Emmett." Esme gave her two cents. "It was harder than one might imagine to order a carrot cake this late. Bella had her hands full aiding Alice in getting the wedding cake from Charm City Cakes by today. If this wedding hasn't proved that even immortal beings can get headaches, I don't know what will." I laughed out loud as we all sent appreciative glances at Alice, Rose, Esme, and my mother. They truly were champions!

Jacob, however, still seemed too be having hysterics about Emmett being hustled. "So Seth beat you in _Kingdom Hearts: Chain of Memories_ link mode, did he?"

Emmett's glare was proof enough of that truth. When Rose stood on Emmett's foot, he was quick to elaborate. "That kid is to obsessed with KH. I didn't stand a chance. Especially since I haven't played the GBA version of the game in years. If he hadn't been so busy gloating to the pack, I wouldn't have had to carry that nasty smelling thing. That kid is getting a cake sandwich!"

My father laughed at that, and held up his hands in a placating manner as Emmett (most likely) planned to throw some cake at him. "What"? My father asked all too innocently. "You know he'd just lick it off his face greedily. It'd be a bad revenge idea, and you'd ruin my baby girl's wedding."

"Besides, Emmett," my mother said with a sly smile on her face and her hand locked in my father's, "what's the harm? Afraid you'll look too feminine? Keep this attitude up and Rose will definitely make you feel that way. You know as well as I do that she'll cut you off from sex, but if you destroy this cake, she'll make you bake another one. You'll be a submissive girl all around, Emma."

Rosalie's face broke out into a wide smile as she gave my mother a high five. "You're very right, Bella."

Emmett glared at my mother for a moment, but quickly groaned in defeat. We were all instantly laughing again.

"So," I said after I'd sobered up some, "the wolves aren't coming 'til tomorrow, then? Isn't that cutting it a little close?" I peered up at Jacob's face and his demeanor changed instantly.

He rubbed circles into my back as he tried his very best to reassure me. "You're not stressing are you, honey? Everything's going to be just fine. After the wolves' patrol, they'll meet us at the chapel immediately."

I placed my hand atop his cheek and let him know that I was fine, and that I didn't doubt him. Admittedly, I could have shown everyone my thoughts; I could have shown them to him without touching him. But there was just something so intimate about using my powers the standard way when I was with Jake. "This half vampire… actually, scratch that. This _vampire_ has stressed too much this year. It caused many problems and it's just not worth it anymore. As long as I'm with you, I know everything will always work out for the best. No matter how big or inconsequential our problems may be, they'll never really _be _problems with you." I smiled as the weight of my words hit me. I'd grown so much since the beginning of the year. No longer was I a girl trying to find her way with the wrong people; I now knew who I was, and I wouldn't have changed it for the world.

Jacob smiled his happiest smile at me as he pulled me into one of his loving embraces. "I'm glad you're embracing your vampire side now. And yes, I heard you correct yourself." He said the last bit with a goofy grin on his face. "Nessie, you know I don't resent you for being part vampire, right? And in getting to know this entire family, I no longer resent you guys for making me phase. Actually, I'm grateful for it. If it weren't for all of the magic in the world, I never would have found you, Ness."

For a long moment, I knew nothing but Jacob's breath against my lips, nothing but his lips moving against mine, nothing but his delicious scent. Jacob was my very world, and I wouldn't have had it any other way. Only when people began clearing their throats did we part. "I love you so much," I said. "I'm so glad to hear that. Do you know why I corrected myself? I'd thought, once again, that I could only embrace one side of my nature. Even after _everything_, I somehow thought that. But what I really need is balance. _You_ are my balance, Jacob. After all, what are we but the perfect balance of humanity and something other?"

He looked at me lovingly, and once again, his being was all that I knew. I saw my answers, future, and destiny all in his gaze. "I love you, my Jacob." I said this with such conviction that I doubted truer words had ever been said.

Until he said what he did, that is. "I love you, my Renesmee. My everything." We'd always belonged to each other, hadn't we? Soon the world would know this as well as we did. We'd acknowledge our love before God. We would acknowledge the plan our creator had had all along.

…

"I sometimes miss your mother's happy tears. They were so beautiful. And they're just as beautiful coming from you, Renesmee."

At my father's words, my mother and I were quick to duck our heads. But I righted myself almost immediately. I would take no time being an embarrassed bride. "Dad, I love you so much!" I tightened my hand around his as emotion surged through me.

As my father smiled crookedly at me, I couldn't imagine the moment could be anymore perfect. How happy I was that we'd opted for a small wedding! After all, what kind of daughter would I be if I denied my father the chance to walk me down the aisle?

We had only begun to do so shortly before he said, "You look perfect, Ness." I was unable to argue my father's statement. Alice, Rose, Esme, and my mother had outdone themselves with everything involving the wedding. It was simple, clean, and elegant.

I wore my hair in a ponytail, but it was an elegant one; the ponytail was tied up with a yellow bow. And the same bow could be seen tied around my waist. My dress had an A Line skirt, but the straps were reminiscent of a tank top. It had a V-neck drop cut; I wore a rectangular, silver, brail looking necklace that just skimmed over my breasts.

My shoes, however, were sandals with pearls; the sandals actually were my "something burrowed". Surprisingly, the stylish shoes belonged to my mother. The necklace was quite antique so it was it that was my "something old". And it was my garter that was blue.

As I stared at my shoes, my father let out a booming laugh. "Those shoes are great, aren't they?" He said with a teasing light about him. And I suddenly felt a tug in my heart for him. I almost wanted the moment to last forever. I couldn't bear the thought of my father thinking he was losing me. As I slowed my stride, he urged me to speed up. I couldn't help but smile. "I always knew this day would come," he began answering my thoughts, "And if I wasn't certain that this wasn't goodbye for us, well… I still would have let you go."

So shocked was I by his love and admittance, that I couldn't hold back my tears. As I reached Jake, he pulled me into his arms for a good moment to calm me down. It was just what I'd needed; I needed to feel his love for me. And suddenly, I was so happy that my tears once again turned into tears of sweetness. Tears of happiness. How I'd lucked out having such an amazing father and mate!

I pulled away, and that was all my father needed to kiss me on the cheek and put my hand in Jake's. He looked into Jacob's eyes, and his words poured out almost unconsciously. "I think I always knew that I'd would have to give you someone I loved dearly. You allowed me Bella and I'm forever grateful for that. Take care of this girl we both love. Promise me, Jake. And Renesmee," he said turning to me now, "take care of him, as well. Take care of each other. I never would have trusted you with anyone else, Nessie. And I'm glad things ended up the way they did."

And before I could really respond, the wedding was forced to continue. Seth placed the wedding bands down on a podium, and we were both signaled to cite our pre-written vows.

"Jake…" I said, but only to have to say it again. The emotion in my voice had made it nothing but a whisper. "I think it's obvious by the way this place is decorated that I envision you as the sun." I paused here; knowing all too well that the audience would laugh. I was right. "You're warm literally and figuratively. You and your soul alike share an equal beauty. And like many do, I had taken you—the sun—fore granted. I don't deserve you, Jacob. But you don't seem to even acknowledge that truth. And I am selfishly glad for that. You give me hope, you give me reason, and you light up my world. I love you when you're at your best and worst. I'm blessed to have you and I'm done questioning it. I'll love you forever, Jake. You're a part of me, and I'll light the places and times you are unable to. I'll be your moon."

Jacob mock glared at me and I could tell he was a bit irked about my self-loathing statements. With a laugh, I awaited what would undeniably be an interesting wedding vow from him. "Sure, sure, Ness. I agree with everything you said." There was a pregnant pause before her corrected himself. "Okay, I actually don't. You're so much more than my moon, Nessie. You're my gravity. You keep me grounded to this world. And I am not as much the sun as you seem to think. Rather, I do what you envision of yourself. I light what you can't. You're the lighthouse that brings me home. We're different, Ness. We're just like everyone else that way. Through that we have our own light: a light that doesn't exist for anyone else. I'm solar powered and you're my whole solar system. It's for that reason that I need you forever. And I will love you for eternity, my Renesmee."

I thrilled, once again, at him saying my full name. And I loved how he'd said, "my Rensesmee". I was his the way he'd always been mine. "My Jacob." I whispered ever quietly.

As I turned to look at the minister, he seemed to have an amused look on his face, but he also looked quite touched. Drawing from that, he spoke with conviction. "Renesmee Cullen, do you take Jacob Black to be your lawfully wedded husband? To be there for him in sickness and in health, for better or for worse, as long as you both shall live?"

"I do." I whispered amidst tears. At that, Jake was handed the wedding band and slid it on to my ring finger. I was having a hard time breathing at this point.

My eyes fell onto Jacob, and I could just barely note he was looking at the minister. He too was about to give his own "I do".

"Jacob Black, do you take Renesmee Cullen to be your lawfully wedded wife? To be there for her in sickness and in health, for better and for worse, as long as you both shall live?"

"I do." He smiled his most breathtaking one to date. I was hit with the strongest feeling of contentment, and had to choke back a happy sob, as I put his own wedding band into place. When we clasped our left hands together, our wedding rings were too evident. And so was the locket my mother had given me long ago. "More than my own life," it said. Yes, this moment was in fact more precious than my own life.

My charm bracelet—the one that ordained two charms from Jake and our family crest—dangled as I held his hand even tighter. I remembered also the MP3 my father had given me my first Christmas, but what really moved me was realizing Jake had given me a promise bracelet that day. All the pieces really had fallen in place perfectly, hadn't they? The tattoo on my arm was also proof of that.

As Jake noticed me eying all my meaningful items, he smiled lovingly. We almost didn't hear the minister say, "I now pronounce you man and wife. You may kiss the bride." And we did just that, but it was a beautiful sort of kiss. As beautiful as his smile had been a split second after the minister had given us our new titles. The kiss was tender and pure, but it did begin to build into something passionate. Ironically, I imagined it was exactly what being engulfed in the sun's warm rays might be like.

When Jacob pulled away, his smile was endearing. Mine, however, probably looked goofy as I leaned my forehead against his.

…

"Congrats, guys!" Seth exclaimed as he clapped Jake on the shoulder. I couldn't help but giggle. Seth always exerted so much energy. Even more evident when he pulled me in for an embrace. Honestly, Seth's enthusiasm was what had guaranteed his spot as best man. Let me tell you, there was no denying the adorable Seth.

Before I could respond, Billy Black was taking my shell-shocked state (post hug) to hug me himself. That seemed to awaken something in the Quileutes as they too began embracing Jacob and myself. Jake's sisters (Rebecca had just recently been told the truth about her tribe), the pack and their loved ones, and then Leah all hugged me tightly. '

Actually, Leah was hugging me more friend like than I thought she would be. "I have to tell you how much I loved _The Other Boleyn Girl_." I laughed in remembering how nervous I'd once been at the prospect of discussing this with Leah. It was a relief to know that so many things had changed for the better.

"I'm glad you liked it." She said with a grin on her pretty face. "History can be so boring. At least that story about it's somewhat interesting." I laughed remembering the similar conversation Jake and I had had about it so many months ago. Honestly, it felt like it'd been a lifetime since that had happened. I couldn't imagine a life where I didn't know that I loved my Jacob.

"I'm so happy for you and Nahuel, Leah." I said to her as I begun wondering where Jacob had gone to. If I knew these people as well as I thought I did—and I was sure I knew them quite well—he was probably being mobbed, too.

"I'm happy for you two." Nahuel's voice came from amongst the crowd and he instantly came to stand beside his Leah. When they held each other's hands, I was somehow drawn to put my hand atop theirs. Maybe they'd get the hint and decide to get married, too. Hiulen seemed to like the idea. As she suddenly appeared and hugged me to her.

When she let me go, I thought that I was getting all hugged out, but then Josh decided it was his turn. I couldn't deny the bear hug, nor could I deny how happy it made me. "Congrats. You totally deserve this, Nessie. I would say more, but Shaylee and I have our own wedding preparations to attend to." He said with a joking smile.

Shaylee—who was accordingly standing at his side—elbowed Josh before she smiled at me and informed me of their wedding date. It could have easily been swept away in the importance of the day, but I willed myself to remember with my impeccable memory. "This wedding," she began on a different tangent, "is truly gorgeous, by the way. The decorations, your vows… it's just beautiful."

I blushed deeply at her words, and for a moment, I couldn't hold her gaze. She laughed at that, and kissed my cheek. That was all it took for her to head off with Josh. I could tell that they, subconsciously, wanted to get away from all of the vampires present. I couldn't really blame them after everything that had happened. I was a bit more somber than intended when I exchanged pleasantries with the other humans involved in the fiasco. Were Kelly, Terra, and Clyde just as uncomfortable here?

Looking around the room, I noted our vampire friends—many that had witnessed for me years ago—had kept a safe distance from the humans. I was very grateful about that fact. And for a brief moment, I loved our Denali cousins even more for being like we Cullens. They would never terrorize my humans the way Malachite had.

As I engaged with Tanya, Garret, Kate, Eleazar, and Carmen, I couldn't help but note how natural and nice it felt. I hoped it could be like this with my immediate family, but I knew things had changed. I could only hope things hadn't changed too much.

Speaking of my immediate family, I was almost instantly put at ease when things seemed normal with my grandparents and aunts and uncles. However, I was still worried that my parents were disheartened.

I passed the Amazons, Benjamin and Tia, the Irish Coven, and Peter and Charlotte as I tried to locate them.

Jacob—who I now saw had been briefly talking to Randall and Mary—crossed over to me as soon as he noticed me.

He walked with me as I explained that I wanted to speak a few words to my parents. He put an arm around my shoulder and I instantly put mine around his waist. Yes, Jake was exactly what I needed. I imagined her wanted to talk to my parents, too.

However, when we came across Grandpa Charlie, he thought it best to give us a moment. I noticed from the corner of my eye that he was talking to Sr. Quil Artera and Sue.

"And here I thought Bella's wedding would be the most emotional for me." Grandpa Charlie said whilst fighting back tears.

"Grandpa…"

"Just take care of each other and remember your family. Live a full life of love." I smiled in remembrance of my father's similar words earlier. He and my grandpa were more similar than they realized.

Sue must have noticed her new husband needed her; suddenly, she was at his side. She gave me a hug as he collected himself. My grandfather himself pulled me into a nice hug and kissed my cheek.

He, however, pulled away when he saw my mother and father behind me. I, however, noticed their scents first and instantly turned around to face them. My mother smiled at me in a way similar to how I smiled. It reminded me of my best friend that was self-conscious, shy, and an avid reader like myself. "Admittedly," she began, "Jake had another reason for leaving your side."

I didn't even acknowledge her words as I threw my arms around her. My father chuckled at the display. "Mom! Thank you so much for everything! Thank you for supporting me and trusting me to find my own way.

"And Dad," I continued on as I pulled him into the embrace, too, "thanks for guiding me when I did get lost. Thanks for letting me venture to find myself." They kissed me on my cheeks nearly simultaneously.

As we pulled away, I noticed my mother had a secretive light to her eyes. It shocked me as I knew she wasn't one to like surprises. "We have a surprise for you, Nessie. As you know, your father's been perfecting his powers…"

Sensing that my mother wasn't going to continue with her thought, my father finished for her. "I wish I could make this moment real for you, but it's the best I can do without endangering them…

It was then that my immediate family came towards me; I saw what I hadn't before. No. I saw who I'd only seen in pictures.

"Phil and Renée?" I could barely even speak their names I was so shocked.

"They'll think this is just a dream, but at least we can see them this way." My mother said as she hugged my shoulders.

I walked over to them almost zombie like. I couldn't believe I was meeting my other grandparents. My biological grandmother at that! It was a very reasonable thing that I was crying. I took both of their hands and placed them over my heart. I opted to keep it emotional, but simple. "Thank you for being here."

"Of course." It shocked me that Renée—scratch that, my grandmother—seemed so coherent when she thought she was dreaming. "She looks just like Edward, doesn't she?" She asked her Phil.

As my mother chuckled at that, Phil—my grandfather—thought to correct her. "Of course she looks like you too, Bella."

All of my family laughed at that. When I noticed my Jacob's own throaty laugh, I knew the moment was absolutely perfect. My entire family was here and it was as it should be. Maybe that's why Jacob was so regretful with what he had to say. "I'm sorry, Ness. But we have to go. Our flight will be leaving soon." And with that all of the Cullens were pulling Jake and I this way and that as they hugged us both. "Rose, Alice, Jazz, Em…" I said in trying to figure out what I should say to them (I really hadn't had a chance to talk to them yet).

Alice, however, had it all figured out as she usually did. "We know." My aunts and uncles said at the same time.

I smiled, but it froze a little when I saw my grandparents. How had I not imagined what Carlisle and Esme were going through? I was their granddaughter and they were probably going through everything my parents were. "We'll be back." Jake said expertly guessing at my thoughts.

"Yes." I agreed as I pulled my love closer to me. "Our lives are touched and perfect because of you. How could we ever live without you?"

Hugging them one last time, Jake and I left the wedding reception with goodbyes and cheering in the background.

…

Though we were in a hurry, we couldn't help but stop at the fountain in front of us. For the first time, I liked my reflection.

"Any regrets?" Jake asked as he sat beside me and held me in his arms.

It was definitely different being out on our own. But it was a good different. All paths inevitably would have led here. "No. Today was the perfect day. And now I'm ready to begin our perfect life."

There had been only one thing that cast a shadow on this day. Aro had sent me a necklace (much like the one he'd sent my mother for her own wedding). It was a warning more than anything else. _Don't have your own child, and history won't repeat itself_, it all but said.

I didn't want to think about that now. But when I couldn't ignore it any longer, I wouldn't be alone. Jacob and I could face anything together. I placed a kiss to his hand before I let him lead me away again.

…

Quite similar to what my father had done, Jake had decided to keep our honeymoon location a secret. Right when I was about to nod off against his shoulder, I remembered what I had been pondering earlier in the day. "Why aren't we going to our cabin for our honeymoon?"

He laughed and kissed my head. It quite easily reminded me of the early days in our relationship. "We can spend time there when we get back. But I thought we should go somewhere with more significance."

I shook my head and hit him upside the head a moment later. I closed my eyes and hummed a little before speaking again. "I'd say that I don't like surprises, but I don't think it applies with this one, does it? I mean, for once I won't be spoiled about what it is."

Before he could give any witty reply, I was fast asleep.

…

I was hit with a sense of vertigo when I awoke in Jake's arms a long while later. I recognized where we were immediately. "Isle Esme?" Why would he have brought us here? Even more important: how had I missed so much of our journey? Had I been so tired that I'd missed the boat ride altogether? Apparently I had been. I blamed the stress the year had brought.

"You were conceived here. And because of that, I was truly brought to life, too. It's only right that we begin our new lives where it all began."

"Jake…" I said as love and a smoldering fire ran through me. Just like that, I was done waiting. I pulled him down to the crystalline sand, and after I joined his side, I kissed his neck urgently.

Jacob laughed at the action. "Ness, we're not even close to where we're staying. Don't you want to wait?"

"The sand won't bother us like it would humans, and this _is_ a private island."

The answer appeased Jacob as much as it did me. We kissed with a passion we'd never felt before. I wondered if the perfect location had something to do with it. As I pulled Jacob free from his shirt, I couldn't help but marvel at the difference from last time. I needn't worry about the wolf tattoo meant anymore. I probably would have smiled giddily if my lips hadn't been otherwise occupied. I traced the lines of his tattoo. And he did the same action with mine after he'd freed me from my party dress.

And then he stopped. I peered up at him questioningly. "Ness," he said in a rather serious tone, "I have to tell you something."

All my worry washed away as I realized I had something to say, too. "Me first." He didn't say anything, and I took that as consent. "Before I was born," I said as I looked into his eyes, "and I was hearing everyone's voices… I loved your voice the most. I imagine my father never told you because you hated me at the time. You thought I was a monster. I need you to know that, even though I stupidly hurt you with Josh, that I've only ever loved you. I've always loved you. It just took me some time to figure that out."

Jake laughed and I couldn't help but cock my head to the side curiously. "That's actually what I wanted to talk to you about. I know you don't like me comparing you to your mother. I know you think I still love her at times. Nessie, the only reason I fell for her was because it was as close as I could get to you at the time.

"I never hated you, Nessie. But in thinking I was tied to your mother, it hampered my vision. I've forever loved _you_, Renesmee. I always will, too. I'll love you forever."

"I'm living for you." We laughed as we said the same thought at the same time. But we didn't dwell too much on it.

Kissing tenderly, we continued into what would be a perfect existence. We'd reached "Tomorrow's Aurora". We'd reached what I'd dreamt of in my darkest hour. Now we would live in that dream—in each other's sunlight—for eternity.

The End

**Author's Note: And that's the end. For some reason, I have a hard time concluding stories. Maybe that's another reason it took me so long to post.**

**Sorry if I'm wrong about any wedding details. I've actually never been to a wedding (sad, I know), and you can only get so much from TV shows, books, and movies. **

**Now, who else wants Stephenie to write her own Jacob/Renesmee story? I truly hope she does someday. Until she (hopefully) does, I hope you enjoyed this. THANK YOU ALL!**

**May the light guide you;)**

**3 Shanna**

**P.S. The **_**Breaking Dawn**_** movies can't come soon enough. I'm so sad this saga's almost completely over. Stephenie, please finish **_**Midnight Sun**_**, and write for Jacob/Nessie, or Leah like you've hinted you might. **


End file.
